tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18027804.post7671647720253335212..comments2023-10-17T04:15:35.804-04:00Comments on The Ratttler: MCCAIN ENDORSES BUSH'S 3rd TERMFacetious Musehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07140409354466938422noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18027804.post-1873410992122372962008-06-23T00:06:00.000-04:002008-06-23T00:06:00.000-04:00"25 Ways to Be a Good Republican" 1. You have to b..."25 Ways to Be a Good Republican" <BR/><BR/>1. You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong, because it’s a communist country. But trading with China and Vietnam is justifiable.<BR/><BR/>2. You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Clinton and Monica, but Bush needed to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because there are just some things Americans don’t need to know.<BR/><BR/>3. You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution – which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet<BR/><BR/>4. You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we-can’t-find-Bin Laden diversion<BR/><BR/>5. You have to believe that waging war with no exist strategy was wrong in Vietnam, but right in Iraq<BR/><BR/>6. You believe that tobacco’s link to cancer and global warming are “junk science”, but Creationism should be taught in schools<BR/><BR/>7. You have to believe that universal health care is wrong, and that HMO’s and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart<BR/><BR/>8. You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money<BR/><BR/>9. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don’t have condoms they won’t have sex<BR/><BR/>10. You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits<BR/><BR/>11. You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you – and Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and liberals<BR/><BR/>12. You have to be against a woman’s right to choose, but support the murder of millions by air strike<BR/><BR/>13. “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India so you can get products from WalMart<BR/><BR/>14. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha<BR/><BR/>15. You have to believe that government should stay out of people’s lives, but needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the same gender<BR/><BR/>16. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own<BR/><BR/>17. You have to believe the ACLU is bad, because it supports the Constitution, but you support the NRA wholeheartedly<BR/><BR/>18. You have to believe that we actually went to war in Iraq to find WMD’s because they were a clear and present threat to the United States<BR/><BR/>19. You have to believe Bill Clinton getting a blowjob in the Oval Office is appalling, but Newt Gingrich serving his wife with divorce papers on her deathbed is A-OK.<BR/><BR/>20. You have to believe that Fox News is fair and balanced<BR/><BR/>21. You’re not ashamed to tell everyone you believe in God, but feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and doing unto others as we would have others do unto us sounds like socialism<BR/><BR/>22. You have to believe that Clinton inhaling once is the sign of moral defect, while Bush’s drinking and driving was excusable because he was young<BR/><BR/>23. You have to believe that spending money on the war in Iraq is more important then fighting the drug dealers and gang members whom are harming American’s<BR/><BR/>24. You have to believe that it is much more important to know about all the dirt in a candidates past, then it is to listen to his beliefs and political ideas – unless of course he is a Republican<BR/><BR/>25. You have to believe that this message was authored by a left-wing pinko socialist bleeding heart liberal.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18027804.post-60323105541175250462008-06-15T04:44:00.000-04:002008-06-15T04:44:00.000-04:0022 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT.1. You have to be ag...22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT.<BR/>1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on <BR/>demand.<BR/>2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments<BR/>create prosperity.<BR/>3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans<BR/>are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of<BR/>Chinese and North Korean communists.<BR/>4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.<BR/>5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by <BR/>scientifically documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and<BR/>more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.<BR/>6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but<BR/>being homosexual is natural. <BR/>7. You hav e to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack<BR/>of federal funding. <BR/>8. You have to believ e that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders<BR/>how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. <BR/>9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature,<BR/>but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.<BR/>10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important<BR/>than actually doing something to earn it.<BR/>11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money<BR/>to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.<BR/>12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of <BR/>the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts<BR/>of the Constitution.<BR/>13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.<BR/>14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more <BR/>important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G.<BR/>Bell.<BR/>15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial<BR/>quotas and set-asides are not.<BR/>16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a <BR/>very nice person.<BR/>17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't<BR/>worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't<BR/>been in charge.<BR/>18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong <BR/>in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.<BR/>19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,<BR/>transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally<BR/>protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. <BR/>20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the<BR/>Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the<BR/>United States.<BR/>21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, <BR/>right wing conspiracy.<BR/>22. You have to beli eve that it's okay to give Federal workers off<BR/>on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."<BR/><BR/>Ready to vote? <BR/><BR/> <BR/>" In God We Trust"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18027804.post-30527849238748729072008-06-14T06:17:00.000-04:002008-06-14T06:17:00.000-04:00How amusing.Your support for Democrats has obvious...How amusing.<BR/>Your support for Democrats has obviously made you more creative in your demonisation of Republicans! Maybe you should take up creative writing instead.<BR/>OR<BR/>You have to accept that all that is said about Obama has the same credibility that you give to the supposed Bush/McCain allianceAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18027804.post-46024890452069847732008-06-12T21:06:00.000-04:002008-06-12T21:06:00.000-04:00But now we got proof, video proof no less.:o)But now we got proof, video proof no less.<BR/><BR/>:o)MysticSeaMaidenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07517459119151313667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18027804.post-38175405840516524052008-06-12T20:59:00.000-04:002008-06-12T20:59:00.000-04:00We all knew that before that happened!!!We all knew that before that happened!!!Snuggle_Bunny_2https://www.blogger.com/profile/11082838028744617881noreply@blogger.com