BREAKING NEWS

Good news: MagnumPotent has recovered from his wounds and is again making the Social Issues circuit. Last month Magnum used HEAD-OUT, a tool developed by a group of former neocons to help their fellow conservatives pull their heads out of their asses. Unfortunately Magnum used the wrong size, causing his face and neck to press against his coccyx as they passed through the gaping black hole beneath. However injurious, his use of the tool proved successful, and he is shown here (right) gazing toward the light for the first time in eight years.

WideStance, the makers of HEAD-OUT, stand by their product and deny any liability in the unfortunate incident. "Each device comes with detailed instructions and warnings about what can happen if you use the wrong size," said a WideStance spokesman. "It's the consumer's responsibilty to follow the instructions."


You can order HEAD-OUT (left) by visiting TwoWayStreetToe-Tappers.com