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Monday, December 19, 2005

FISA, FISA, BO BISA...

I really don't understand why virginia_1776 and other wingnuts cannot understand simple laws. The FISA court is specifically set up to issue secret warrants for wiretaps of foriegn terrorist agents. It even allows for both limited spying on Americans engaged in terrorist activites, AND for emergency spying for which a warrant can be obtained up to 3 days later. And, of course, the 4th amendment protects American citizens from warrantless spying.

So why is virginia_1776 engaged in an exploration of the byzantine provisions of the FISA act? The issue here is the fact that Bush issued an executive order to allow the NSA to engage in warrantless, unrestricted spying on Americans and foreigners. Virg just doesn't seem to get it. Bush issued an order that violates FISA, and allows the NSA to work outside the FISA system. Why would he want to do this? Is it just to assert unlimited executive power? Or is there something about his targets or methods that would be unacceptable to the FISA judge? We need answers to these questions, and we need them as soon as possible. The President has broken federal law. If this is definitively proven, he must be impeached.

JC

NKOTB

It looks like the blog bug has infected a new bloodstream. Virginia_1776 has started her very own blog, and it's right here. It's called Social Diatribes, and so far...uh...it's kind of paltry. But I'm sure the floodgates will open and all the musings of Virginia we've been pining for will spill out onto the page. Good luck, Virg. The blogosphere is a cruel mistress. Lucky for me, I'm down for that kind of kink.

JC

HOLY CRAP!

Just a random picture that says, "Blam!"

That was my reaction when I saw Vacreeper's latest post. Man oh man, he is raising the bar here at the Rattler. I'm sorry I brought him on, he's making me look bad! Here I am trying to offer mediocre satire, and he goes and dazzles with a detailed, substantive treatise. AND he does satire, too. We're gonna have to start charging admission here. You people should be paying a premium for this kind of stuff.

Ah, hell, forget it. Isaiah_1 gives us his genito-centric comedy for free, so I guess we'll keep our services free as well. Plus, it appears that Bobby McGee has figured out a way to get aroung being banned, so excitement can't be far behind.

JC

Sunday, December 18, 2005

BUSH'S SECRET WAR ON AMERICAN CITIZENS


Even as PT neocon regular RichardCranial tries to convince himself that President Bush was within the bounds of the law when he authorized electronic surveillance of US citizens ostensibly to enhance the national security, George Bush was preparing an announcement that he is committed to his felonious ways and is proud of it. But many in Congress aren’t so pompous, including Pennsylvania Republican Senator Arlen Specter, Chairman of the Senate Committee on the Judiciary, who characterized Bush’s actions as “inappropriate," and vowed to make the matter a top priority for a thorough investigation come January 2006. You've really gotta hand it to George; he certainly knows how to throw a GOParty to ring in the New Year, huh? So RichardCranial, if you can stomach the truth, read on.

President George W. Bush admitted on 17 Dec 05 that he personally authorized the National Security Agency (NSA) to conduct clandestine information collection on citizens of the United States who were determined by the NSA and the Justice Department to be “dangerous to US national security.” This story was made public in a New York Times article printed one year subsequent to reporters learning of the some 30 authorization to spy on approximately 500 US citizens, and consequent to Bush pleading with the reporters to snuff the truth. The President has made it clear that “no laws were broken.” Moreover, Bush is justifying his actions by claiming the eavesdropping go-ahead has “helped detect and prevent possible terrorist attacks in the United States and abroad,” and that publishing the NY Times article was irresponsible and has jeopardized his administration’s efforts to “fight the war on terror and safeguard national security.” The President went on to defend his actions in a Roosevelt Room speech on 18 Dec 05 stating that “the American people expect me to do everything in my power under our laws and Constitution to protect them and their civil liberties. And that is exactly what I will continue to do, so long as I'm the president of the United States." Critics from both ends of the political spectrum are asking “what laws.” I would argue that, despite the President’s claims to the contrary, it is clear he has violated the laws of the United States, namely the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) of 1978, which is codified under Title 50, United States Code (USC), Chapter 36, and its codicils. Bush has also violated the Patriot Act.

BEFORE FISA
Let me be succinct; nobody is making an argument that our national leaders should sit idly by while would-be terrorists plot and execute nasty acts against the population and/or plan the violent overthrow of the US Government – that is simply a Bushite lie designed to divert attention and muddy the waters in an effort to exonerate the President. But we do expect them to follow the law. In fact, the courts and the Congress have consistently sided with the Executive Branch in its efforts to defend the nation against harm perpetrated domestically or otherwise, but within reason and within the parameters of the law. In Katz v. United States, 389 U.S. 347 (1967), the Supreme Court ruled that petitioner Katz was entitled to Fourth Amendment protection for his illegal telephone conversations even though the conversations were on a public pay phone and that a physical intrusion into the area he occupied was unnecessary to bring the Amendment into play. "The Fourth Amendment protects people, not places," wrote Justice Potter Stewart in delivering the opinion of the Court. The precedent in Katz is simple: The Government will not hide behind law enforcement to justify wonton invasion of privacy. In Berger v. New York, 388 U.S. 41, 50 (1967), the Court opined that "by its very nature eavesdropping involves an intrusion on privacy that is broad in scope," and that "few threats to liberty exist which are greater than those posed by the use of eavesdropping devices." In United States v. U.S. District Court, 407 U.S. 297 (1972), Justice Powell wrote that "waiving the Fourth Amendment probable cause requirement could lead the executive to yield too readily to pressures to obtain incriminating evidence and overlook potential invasions of privacy and protected speech” and that “the inconvenience to the government is justified in a free society to protect constitutional values." Based on the High Court’s steadfast reluctance to allow the Government unbridled erosion of the Fourth Amendment, and upon the plethora of Nixon-era eavesdropping authorizations aimed at everything from the activities of Vietnam War demonstrators to the Democratic National Committee, Congress sought to temper the need to conduct intelligence gathering with the Constitutional guarantees of the Fourth Amendment. FISA is the fruit of that effort.

THE LAW: FISA AND THE PATRIOT ACT
The Legislature’s intention in FISA was not to limit the constitutional power of the President to take such measures as he deems necessary to protect the United States, but was designed precisely to curb the kind of unfettered abuse of Fourth Amendment privilege President Bush arrogantly espouses and authorizes. Pursuant to FISA, the President and any of his subordinates must adhere to specific, well-defined guidelines when authorizing electronic espionage on foreign powers to collect Foreign Intelligence Information (FII) as defined in Subchapter I, §1801, Paragraph (a). The Government may engage in electronic surveillance to collect FII without a court order for periods up to one year as laid out in Subchapter I, §1802, at (a)(1)(B), however, there must be no "substantial likelihood" that the intercepted communications include those to which a U.S. person is a party. Furthermore, FISA expressly states in Subchapter I, §1811 “notwithstanding any other law, the President, through the Attorney General, may authorize electronic surveillance without a court order under this subchapter to acquire foreign intelligence information for a period not to exceed fifteen calendar days following a declaration of war by the Congress.” Since Congress did not declare war, §1811 is moot. Finally, there is the question of secrecy. FISA establishes “FISA Courts” with their own judges and jurisdiction to issue “secret” warrants for FII collection, the key word here being “FII.” There is no clause in FISA, implied or stated, that permits any government authority to conduct a warrantless search of a US citizen. Bush stipulates the efficacy of his war on domestic terrorism is contingent upon such warrantless searches. There is no doubt that domestic wiretapping may be a matter of national security; however, both FISA and the Patriot Act - THE LAW - require court ordered warrants for clandestine collection of electronic and physical evidence. FISA even permits a 72 hour "grace" period where the warrant can be obtained after-the-fact. Bush signed the Patriot Act into law - if he disagreed with any provision mandating third party scrutiny, he should have vetoed the bill - that's how the process works! It is important to remember the President vetos bills, not laws! Given Bush's record of thwarting legal precedence and thumbing his nose at the legal process, it is crystal clear that the President not only ignored the law when he ordered warrantless espionage on US citizens - he conspired to ignore the law. Congress and President Carter were mindful of how secrecy had been used to mask unlawful surveillance activity in the Nixon administration and mandated that every secret FISA warrant have as its primary purpose the collection of FII to frustrate those kinds of abuses. For example, a FISA judge cannot honor a Justice Department request to conduct clandestine surveillance on a potential beer heist at a local convenience store – that’s a matter of law enforcement, not national security. The FISA threshold is a high hurdle by design.

The Patriot Act does not change the requirement for a court ordered warrant for the Government to conduct covert surveillance operations on US citizens. The Patriot Act diminishes the level of justification the Government must bear to secure the warrant – from the Fourth Amendment requirement of “probable cause” to the less stringent “ex parte” context where a FISA judge may approve domestic wiretapping based solely upon the evidence presented by the Government -- the subject of the wiretap is not afforded the opportunity to rebut the request. This maintains the integrity of the secrecy requirement and provides civil rights protections. The right of the Government to secure ex parte orders heightens the potential for abuse, as the justification for issuance may rest upon scant suspicions rather than hard evidence; however, in striking a balance between Fourth Amendment probable cause precedent and the need to safeguard the nation from domestic terror, Congress chose to err on the side of caution and lower the evidentiary hurdle. What Bush needs to remember is that the 4th, 5th, and 14th Amendments are still intact and are still the law of the land despite his contention that the Constitution is "just a goddamn piece of paper." Neither FISA nor the Patriot Act negates those Amendments. President Bush’s authorization for spying on US Citizens clearly violates not only the applicable Constitutional protections, but flies against FISA and the Patriot Act as well. By circumventing the established process, Bush has clearly violated the law, and in a big way!

As to my point; FISA goes to great pains to delineate between foreign and domestic surveillance -- in a reverse psychology sort of way -- by NOT addressing domestic spying! And by not addressing how the Government may conduct espionage on US citizens, we can only surmise Congress was satisfied that existing law was adequate to prosecute cases against US citizens engaged in terrorism. We can’t assume our elected representatives didn’t include domestic spying in FISA because they forgot to or because they found the issue unimportant. In the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, Congress and the President specifically addressed the topic of domestic terrorism by enacting the Patriot Act; however, even the Patriot Act, despite its tyrannical overtones, incorporated our revered system of checks and balances to curtail abuse. And as the Bush administration has demonstrated time and again, it is ready and willing to place itself above even the laws it pushed through Congress, and to violate the law by shamefully using fear to garner public support -- and then only after the illegal act is divulged in a widely read newspaper. This latest Bush-inspired pogrom on liberty begs the question - what other covert improprieties has the Bush administration championed in the name of national defense?

It would behoove our neocon friends to devote less time to apologizing and fabricating excuses for Bush's malfeasances and to stand down from their defensive postures and examine what we liberals see every day: A despotic, unprincipled President with no respect for national traditions, no respect for human dignity, and obviously not one iota of respect for the law. George Bush and his fascist milieu are dangerous people – they are dangerous to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness – they are a clear and present danger to democracy - and they delight in bringing fear, death, and destruction to all they touch. You neocons chide us liberals with "what is there not to like about what this President does?" Let us count the ways, but you'd better remove your shoes and socks - you're going to need those toes!

Vacreeper2003

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU?


I did it to protect you! WTF? Bush please dont protect me!

Today was a little different. AP: "On
Saturday unapologetically defended his administration's right to conduct secret
post-Sept. 11 spying in the United States as "critical to saving American
lives."
"James Bamford, author of two books on the NSA, said the program
could be problematic because it bypasses a special court set up by the 1978
Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act to authorize eavesdropping on suspected
terrorists.
"I didn't hear him specify any legal right, except his right as
president, which in a democracy doesn't make much sense." "Today, what Bush said
is he went around the law, which is a violation of the law — which is illegal."
Larry
Johnson
: "The revelation that the National Security Agency was allowed to
conduct non-FISA intercepts of American citizens should bring last summer's
hearing on John Bolton's nomination to the United Nations back into focus....

SPYING? WHO CARES!

Chimpy-07...

This domestic spying story is still in the process of breaking as we sit here. Bush initially said he couldn't comment on the story because of national security, but changed his mind and commented on it today. I guess his approval rating trumps national security. It seems fairly clear that Bush broke the law here, since there is an actual court designed to get secret warrants to spy in the US, and he signed a secret order to bypass the law. I don't expect the 35-40% of Americans still snowed by this cabal of criminals to raise much of a stink. Spending 10 minutes in PT will let you meet emptyheaded fools like Buttlogic, Archie, and drclean, all of whom have not a care in the world about their president breaking the law and violating the constitution. Now, if someone had signed a secret order to allow for clandestine blowjobs...

JC

CIVIL LIBERTIES ARE FOR SUCKERS

Disturbing...

I just cannot understand the reasonong of these conservatives. I read earlier this week about a meta-analysis done on the psychology of conservatism by researchers at UC Berkeley. Of the factors they identified, a marked Fear of Danger and Need for Terror Abatement emerged, coupled with a Disdain for Complex Solutions. And that is exctly what I'm finding today in PT.

jay-156 is making the classic wingnut argument that we shouldn't rush to judgment about Bush's ordering domestic spying by the NSA. Of course, I'm sure jay showed admirable and comparable restraint when wingnuts were on their Clinton Penis witchhunt. What rubbish. It's obvious the president issued an executive order to allow for warrantless spying, and, even worse, the NYT sat on the story for a year, conveniently not breaking the story right before the 2004 elections. What an odd coincidence. But jay couldn't care less about civil liberties. He attacks us because we "don't want America to be safe." Hello, jay! I want America to be AMERICA! The FBI already has procedures for emergency spying without warrants. Why give the NSA free reign to spy on American citizens without limit? Do you even care about the 4th amendment? Goddamnit, I hate these numbskulls. Who is going to stand up for American values, if the flag-draped jingoheads are ready and willing to hand the keys to the kingdom over to fascists?

JC

Friday, December 16, 2005

IF I WAS GOD

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle I Limbo

Creationists
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Greens
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Qusay Hussein
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Osama bin Laden
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Uday Hussein
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Saddam Hussein
Circle VII Burning Sands

Republicans
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

George Bush
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Thursday, December 15, 2005

AND YOU SUPPORT THIS?






How can you support children dying?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

SUCH POWER!

Muahahaha...

Well, I am certainly enjoying the unchecked, world-shifting power Karl has imbued me with. With these mortal hands, I weave the protoplasmic essence of the omniverse into any fearsome shape my mind imagines. My merest dream-whisper is instantly awash with sordid life and shambles into the filthy world to rend all living things with steel claws of pure hatred. Plus, I can red dot people.

Such wicked, wicked power. Can I be trusted with it? I submit that I cannot! I have just today stutter-stabbed the humid air with my mighty finger and ball-gagged the 700-headed Vic Ferrari Hydra. And I laughed maniacally with each and every stab! O, what horrors await us in the unfathomable depths of time? I know not, but this I can say with confidence: I will never get my comeuppance! NEVER! NO COMEUPPANCE!

JC

PS - Screw Flanders.

Monday, December 12, 2005

SEAN HANNITY'S FOXNEWS MAILBOX RUNNETH OVER

I sent an e-mail to Sean Hannity via the FOX News website asking him why he didn't find it "Fair & Balanced" to report to the American people that the President of the United States considers the US Constitution "just a goddamn piece of paper;"

Dear Sean

Is this the leader of the free world speaking? Is this the man who believes constitutional rule is so important that his nation would expend thousands of lives and untold treasure on bringing a Constitution to Iraq? Is this the Commander-in-Chief of all those GIs literally dying to defend the Constitution he calls a “goddamn piece of paper?”

WHERE-O-WHERE is YOUR outrage!!! I have no doubt had Bill Clinton said this, FOX News would be reporting it even today!! Why isn’t FOX News reporting something like this! Our President said this, for goodness sake.



This is the non-delivery notice (NDN) I received from the FOX News Exchange Server:

From: System AdministratorSent: Sunday, December 11, 2005 4:59 PMTo: Show -HannitySubject: Undeliverable:The Constitution is WHAT?
Your message did not reach some or all of the intended recipients.
Subject: The Constitution is WHAT?
Sent: 12/11/2005 9:06 AM

The following recipient(s) could not be reached:

Show -Hannity on 12/11/2005 4:59 PM

The message could not be delivered because the recipient's mailbox is full. [emphasis added]



I wonder if Sean checks his e-mail, or are his alterboys slacking in their efforts to pass only "Fair & Balanced" traffic to the irrefutably unfair & unbalanced Archbishop Hannity? It's beyond faculty to comprehend how the likes of Sean Hannity can pontificate about the enduring legacy of a living American Constitution yet he chooses to ignore and hide comments made by George Bush that disparage the very Constitution the Office of the President is sworn to uphold and defend. The hypocrisy is just intolerable! And Mssr. Sean fancies himself a journalist? In a pig's eye! Hannity's brand of professionalism is concerned only with appearances -- facts, truth, and precedence be damned so far as Dim Son in the White House is concerned! And to add insult to injury, this Hannity jokester is the mouthpiece our neocon nincompoops quote to us in PT every day? You can't help but wonder what Sean's e-mail box is full of! Go figure!

vacreeper2003

BY FAR, MY FAVORITE IS THE UMBO

Sorry about the light posting over the last few days. I have a final exam coming up on the Anatomy of the Ear, and I've been spending most of my time figuring out ways not to study for it. That is not to say, of course, that wingnuts have not been making fools of themselves in PT, because they have, but I've been so preoccupied with remembering whether my Inferior Colliculus is above or below my Medial Geniculate Body, (turns out, below) that I haven't had any good ideas for posts recently. I'm sure something will come soon enough. Until then, keep your External Auditory Meatuses tuned in.

JC

Sunday, December 11, 2005

MOTHERS SACRIFICE


Todays discussion, including that of Mothers and Jess who both claim to have children fighting the Bush war. Has been very depressing. I sincerely hope they get home safely.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

SELF EXAMINATION

From the safe, prosperous, ignorantly numb and arrogant middle of the United States. Where the reality of the conflict is NEVER presented on any public medium. Where your suffering is no more than a 2 minute update on the evening news sandwiched between reruns of "Seinfeld" and some sporting event. Out of all the lies, horrors, video and commentary on the war, your photo of that poor mother and her beautiful baby "the hope of life" so brutally extinguished has overwhelmed me in anger, tears and empathy. First, I am so so sorry for what my country has wrought upon your people. It is a wrong beyond my feeble attempts for words. My people ARE ignorant, believing only what is presented to them in the biased and sanitized media outlets. They are not only guilty of ignorance but a willful ignorance, which is worse. Americans don't want to know because in their hearts they really don't care. Of course, they would never ever admit that. The reality is they care about their food, ipods, NASCAR, PTA meetings, pursuit of money, and their indulgence in "sex, drugs and rock n roll". Our "rugged individualism" has mutated into blind selfishness. There are alternatives out there for information, most Americans don't want to know or find out the reality of our actions. We are fat and indulgent slaves to our appetites. Our moral failures abundantly obvious to everyone except us. Our women aren't even whores as one writer to this site posted a comment on our women and their immorality. They give it away with absolutely no guilt or shame to men who think nothing of satisfying their lusts on our next generation. Our corporations peddle useless products, noxious food, unhealthy habits and behaviors, then "double -dip" by selling the "cures" with the endorsement of government protection, tax breaks and direct funding. In the guise of freedom every form of licentiousness and debauchery is promoted not just to our children but the entire world via our pop culture. I cannot remember which communist leader said and I paraphrase. "America will never be defeated from an outside invader, it will rot from within and like an overripe peach will fall to the ground". New Orleans and its peoples rapid fall into anarchy could be a precursor of the consequences of America's self-indulgence and a "me first" attitude. The weak and powerless are rapidly abandoned and subsequently either die or turn into predator and prey in the name of "saving myself" during a time of trial. Asia is going to become a dominant power in the world. I cannot believe my country will share power or lose power gracefully. My people genuinely believe they are better than other people and entitled to the birthright of our wealth. I am deeply afraid of a sudden and catastrophic attack upon America that would devastate our way of life. Not because of the suffering, in which every American has via representative government earned a taste. No, I fear for the world’s children that have to face the most powerful country in the history of the world becoming desperate to survive. There is among the "common man" an ignorant, nationalistic fervor building in direct proportion to fear of not being the most wealthy and powerful. I am ashamed to say that "The Great Experiment" of our founding fathers has succumbed to exactly that which was predicted by the likes of Thomas Jefferson and George Washington. Freedom and liberty has without a legitimate faith been perverted into decadent self-indulgence. Like a great predator who enjoys a full belly and good health isn't as much of a threat but when injured or starving becomes dangerous and unpredictable. So will be the downfall of the United States of America. But not just to Iraq and a few other countries. I am afraid that when we go down, our inherent selfishness coupled with millions of tons of destructive power will not hesitate to take the entire world with us. May the Merciful One to whom you pray at night help us all. (THE ABOVE POSTING PLAGIARISED FROM "IRAQTUNNEL")

MAIN STREAM FAKE OUT!

Main Stream Politics was not its usual self today. Actually it was not Main Stream Politics. The conservatives took over and made their own Main Stream Politics faking out all that frequent Main Stream.

HOW Sick of them!

This duck was fooled and wants to protest the room. The duck is not going to attend any of these fake rooms again..

Quack quack

Friday, December 09, 2005

THE KISS!?


Lieberman "out-hawks" McCain

Remember the Kiss? Never forget the kiss.
John McCain on Imus this
morning:
"Your and my dear friend Joe Lieberman, just came back from a trip
there and wrote a piece in the WSJ, where he was very optimistic. I may not be
as optimistic as Joe, but I do think we're making progress..."
It certainly
seems likes Joe is bucking for Rummy's job. He out McCain's-McCain.
Here's
the video of President Bush planting a wet one on Joe

THE FOURTH WALL

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."

Ok, you're watching a comedy movie, and let's say it's about two brothers who go on a trip to Tibet to compete in a Yak race. I know, it's a stupid idea, which means it's only a matter of time before it gets greenlighted. So, you're watching The Yakfather, and in one scene, the two brothers are talking, and one says something like, "This is all like a big movie!" And his brother says, "Yeah, right, who would pay money to watch a movie about two brothers in a yak race?!" And then they both stop and look out at the audience. Killer gag, people love it. It's called breaking the fourth wall.

Why do I bring this up? Well, tonight, I ended up in PM with MrArchieBunker. And no, you sick freaks, it wasn't a cyber. Can't take you people anywhere. So, instead of hurling insults and accusations like usual, we actually had a nice reasonable conversation about politics. Now, never mind the details, I don't want to ruin either my or his partisan hack street cred, but it was a truly odd experience.

Now, I know that a lot of you enjoy hearing us slam ignorant wingnuts and subtly (and not so subtly) questioning their commitment to purely intraspecies sex, so I'm certainly not going to mess with a winning formula. That said, for the forseeable future, we'll just continue to act as if PT wingnuts are drooling morally-debased cretins. And PT wingnuts are welcome to continue to act as if liberals are all emptyheaded commie-loving satanists. And we'll both try and forget the awful moment when we realized that our opponent was actually a normal, rational human being.

JC

PS - Brutelogic is still an idiot. And Ann Coulter is a man. I'm just sayin'...

VIC THE CABLE GUY


Let’s face it folks – listening to Vic Ferrari’s retro-drivel is a gut-wrenching experience. Watching his raised hand float like a turd in a swimming pool to the top of the pecking order on the mic brings on a sense of impending doom, and I find myself subconsciously reaching for the attenuation knob on my keyboard. But Vic is also a funny man every so often, much like Larry the Cable Guy – hick humor is OK in small doses. So I listened, half hoping for something different, half expecting to be amused. Alas, it was not to be. It was the same old Alabama neocon repertoire of Nazi nostalgia he’s been pimping for years. Even a minute deepening of his effeminate voice would be a welcomed change, but that would require the definitive chicken hawk to grow a pair. That didn’t happen either.

Instead we were privy to a sneak-peek of the best of neocon politi-porn - a manage-á-trois flick starring Vic Ferrari Forever, Karma_NY, and Vigilant Reason. Our one-act opens stage right – far right – where the blushing bride, played by actor (or is it actress?) Vic Ferrari sensually oils his way to center stage to sodomize the mic with a script of thinly veiled lies about how liberals hate America and how Cindy Sheehan really hates her murdered son. Our bridegroom, portrayed by the cowardly and apparently mute Vigilant Reason, pleasured himself with a handjob - he and Vic made passionate love - Hot Lips Vic at the mic and Vigilant at his keyboard hanging on Vic's every syllable - both were purring like kittens! Vicky is hoping Vigilant’s tongue is as talented as his key stroking! Anyway, realizing the audience was repulsed by his veritable raping of the mic and numbed by his propensity to perjure himself; Vic ad libs and calls for reinforcements; enter Karma_NY, ersatz patriot, full time lying liar, and overtime neocon toady. Karma unsuccessfully tried to lend credibility to Vic’s trashcapade with a barrage of self-aggrandizing asides and a couple of soulless arias – an overall uninspiring and rather disappointing performance. The rest of the story is the same old libretto; the same old bag of lies; the same stale arpeggiated nattering we've come to expect from this treacherous trio. This play had all the trappings of a 3-ring circus - the only thing missing was the laugh track! If only PT had canned laughter as a chat feature – the laugh meter would be pegged every time Vic deploys his triad of neocon nitwits.

If you want to know how bad things are going for Bush and his retinue of merry dark-siders, just count the number of times Vic, Vigilant, and Karma laugh at their own lies – watch for the LOLs – there is direct proportionality! As more and more of the neocon aficionados are frog-marched to a prison near you, Vic and his cheery band of right-wingnuts get increasingly vicious in their attacks on those “evil pinko-commie liberals.” It just proves what we already know – the neocons are absolutely beside themselves with anxiety. Vic's increasingly vitriolic liberal-bashing is demonstrative of that desperation as he surely senses the bad karma engulfing the Repukes. Vic and his supporting cast of ignominious partisans don’t like what they’re seeing, so they mouth a daily rewrite of the facts á la the Spin Firm of Limbaugh, Hannity, O'Reilly and Rove - all in a poor attempt to make their man in Washington look good. We aren’t fooled Vic. And as for last night's production; well, I'll give it a resounding two-thumbs down - the acting was atrocious and the plot was pure fantasy!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

RUT ROH, SHAGGY

It's all about the Velma, baby!

I think we need to call Scooby and the gang in the Mystery Van. Put down that bong, Shaggy! Knock off that sexual tension, Fred and Daphne! You too, Daphne and Velma! Well, don't knock off that sexual tension too quickly, D & V...you think maybe you guys want to kiss? I'll just sit quietly and watch...

Ok, wait, forget that, there's a mystery to be solved! A real PT mystery. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm getting a little worried. This string of unexplained disappearances have got me stumped. No sooner does a wingnut get finished emptying his septic tank into our earholes, but that very wingnut will vanish! Vic got done with his usual lies and insults, (this time unironically decrying Cindy Sheehan's characterization of Bush supporters as "brainwashed" while calling Cindy "The Witch in the Ditch." Self-awareness, thy name is Ferrari!) and then he just disappeared. The only clues at the scene were a faint scent of brimstone, a black powder on the floor, and a fully lubed 2 foot double-dildo.

Not half an hour later, Karma_NY regaled us with his newest work of science fiction, about an alternate universe version of the United States where Bush still has majority support, and everyone still believes he didn't lie us into war. Good luck with getting that published, K. As far as we could tell, at the exact moment Karma released the mic, his name vanished from the list. Some speculate that he just immediately closed the room to avoid getting a spanking from Karen_Dances, but that can't be right, because who would give up the chance for some stinging FemDom action from a 6-foot statuesque Amazon like Karen? Not me, I can tell you that.

In any event, we don't have any good leads on this developing mystery. The most prosaic explanation, that wingnuts don't have to courage to stick around and get slapped upside the head with the mighty frozen Halibut of Liberal Truth, well, that's just silly. Everyone knows wingnuts are the most courageous of all species of mollusks. And that's some putrid, malodorous courage. I guess we'll have to let the Mystery Gang work the case. You know, I wonder if, when all this Iraq War shenanigans is over with, we'll see old man Dubya Bush clapped in irons, wheezing, "I would've got away with it if it wasn't for you meddling Democrats!" A man can dream, can't he?

JC

VIC STANDS UP FOR HIS PRINCE CHARMING

We can't make it any plainer than this...

Tonight, Vic is whining and rubbing up against this story about Ann Coulter being heckled at UConn. Now, the last time Mr. Coulter gave a speech, he barely avoided a pie to the face. Unfortunately, that would probably have been the best meal he'd have all year. Now, my liberal leanings mean that I have nothing but support and admiration for Vic's noble attempts to be with his true love, regardless of the obstacles the Religious Right wackos put in his path. Just remember, Vic, your marriage to Mr. Coulter probably won't be recognized in any state other than Massachusetts, at least for now. Hey, I wonder whether Vic will take Ann's last name, or if Coulter will soon be known as Ann Forever.

For a special treat, visit these two sites to read some scandalous tales of Ann's previous deviance. Don't tell Vic, though. I know he wants to think he's the first wingnut to make a run at that diseased chocolate starfish.

JC

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