SEEDS ARE SOWN, AND FROM THIS WE REAP!

Since Mystic (Muse) has seen fit to select a bit of PM with me in her blog entry here, perhaps folks would like to see the entire story behind my choice to turn in my hat in "Banned from 2Way". This PM, good people, is the genesis of April's hatred for me. Mystic has fueled April's "difficulties" and dislike of men simply because she is angry I turned in my hat on principle.

Until now, and even in my last blog entry, I protected her privacy, but she's changed that now. I didn't open my room for good until I knew that Mystic had made a behind the scenes arrangement to provide Virginia and Jay with hats. I wasn't alone in my horror at that. As most of you recall, every admin in the meeting Mystic had to dampen the anger was against it.

In short, I "quit my hat" because I didn't like the way Mystic allowed MagnumPotent to say "cruel, sexually explicit and physically threatening" things to women from the mic. In addition to that, I disagreed with her about admin having to put up with horrible abuse from some of the assholes who came to the room. The admin in Mystic's room were wonderful, and they did a very tough job for FREE! There is no reason on God's green Earth that they should have been subjected to mistreatment by room raiders and those who would heap cruel abuse on them in the room or in PM.

Both of these reasons were based on what I believe was (and is) sensitivity to visitors to the room and the very real feelings of the admin who were giving of their time and efforts. This PM took place just after Mystic had informed me she was overturning my decision to dot MagnumPotent, and my policy of support for admin who red dot room raiders and other vermin who abuse them in PM. Following is the PM between Mystic and me, and not just a "selected" bit as she did in her blog entry, but all of the words spoken.

Mystic Sea Maiden: life is way too fucking shirt
Livid: fine.. i'm not arguing...
Mystic Sea Maiden: yes you are
Mystic Sea Maiden: you are refusing to see you might have over reacted
Mystic Sea Maiden: as everyone of us have at one time or another
Livid: no i'm not.. i'm placing my beliefs in text.. that's all i'm doing.
Livid: no.. i didn't overreact.. i'm not "refusing" to see that.. any more than you "think" you're refusing to hear me.
Livid: ..shrugs..
Mystic Sea Maiden: well karl is leaving with you
Mystic Sea Maiden: anyone else i need to find out if they are leaving?
Livid: let me try this dreama..
Mystic Sea Maiden: got to give it to you you are fast
Livid: i haven't talked to anyone dreama.
Livid: anything else you want to accuse me of?
Mystic Sea Maiden: yes you are a sneaky one
Mystic Sea Maiden: you always do this when i dont feel well
Livid: you're amazing...
Livid: hey.. i'm not the one who came online not feeling well, and like a bull in a china shop dictated what HAS to happen even though the room has run smoothly and more successfully than you could possibly imagine..
Livid: and i'll be damned if i'll take this fucking shit about me being sneaky... or talking to karl or anyone else.. fuck that..
Livid: that's dispicable.. after all this time.. never EVER doing anything but be honest with you... and with EVERYONE else...
Livid: and you've seen that again and again... and you HAVE THE NERVE TO ACCUSE ME OF WHAT YOU JUST DID??????
Livid: I HAVEN'T TALKED TO ANYONE AT ALL SINCE WE STARTED THIS CONVERSATION.. AND THAT MEANS IF KARL KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT IT, YOU TOLD HIM.. SO WHO'S SNEAKY??
Livid: Mystic Sea Maiden: well karl is leaving with you
Mystic Sea Maiden: anyone else i need to find out if they are leaving?Mystic Sea Maiden: got to give it to you you are fast
Livid: Very nice dreama.. very nice indeed...
Livid: lovely.. truly..
Livid: Why would Karl say he's leaving since I didn't talk to him dreama??
Livid: hmmmm?
Mystic Sea Maiden: calling me a lair?
Mystic Sea Maiden: hmmmm
Livid: no.. i'd just like to know how karl would have any idea i'm leaving?
Mystic Sea Maiden: KARL d-Az: I am admining at his request. I am troubled by working with Moderate Conservative, so if Livid is leaving, I would need to know why
Livid: so you told him i was leaving?
Livid: why would he say, "if livid is leaving"??
Livid: ??
Livid: please be honest..i expect at least that..
Livid: Mystic Sea Maiden: KARL d-Az: I am admining at his request. I am troubled by working with Moderate Conservative, so if Livid is leaving, I would need to know why
Livid: so you told him i was leaving?
Livid: why would he say, "if livid is leaving"??
Livid: ??
Livid: please be honest..i expect at least that..
Livid: forget it.. it won't work anyway...
Mystic Sea Maiden: wait
Mystic Sea Maiden: you fucking know i am haviong troub;e with pal
Mystic Sea Maiden: ok
Livid: you have an issue with me because you feel "falsely" that i'm taking the room..
Livid: and you have for some time.. even though it's not true...
Mystic Sea Maiden: heres I ask karl if you would like to continue admining since you said you were no longer going to admin
Livid: nothing i can do about that and still maintain my own principles..
Mystic Sea Maiden: why?
Mystic Sea Maiden: i asked you several times
Mystic Sea Maiden: you said you would not be admining
Mystic Sea Maiden: and you got your room you will have open

So here we finally see Mystic admit she lied. It wasn't me who spoke behind her back, but just the opposite. After accusing me of telling an admin I was turning in my hat in "Banned", we discover it was her talking to the admin(s) and telling them I was leaving. It wasn't the first deception I'd experienced, and it certainly wasn't the last. Mystic's decisions thoroughly trashed her own room. The final straw was when she plotted with Virginia and Jay behind everyone's backs, choosing to hand hats to people she knew very well were hated in the room because of their lies and deceit, something I (and everyone else) believed from the very beginning would ruin the room. We were right, because it did.

Livid: so why, if you're the one who told him i was leaving (which btw in my book was very sneaky) did you accuse me of talking to him myself?
Livid: huh?
Mystic Sea Maiden: you know why
Mystic Sea Maiden: dont you
Livid: i didn't talk to anyone about this, but you apparently made a point of PMing the admin... so who's doing things behind whose back??
Livid: not me..
Livid: yes.. i know why.. it's apparently because you don't trust me.. and i can't have that... you either do or you don't.. and i've NEVER done or said anything that demonstrates anything other than the truth and loyalty to you.
Livid: Mystic Sea Maiden: heres I ask karl if you would like to continue admining since you said you were no longer going to admin
Livid: i didn't talk to anyone about this, but you apparently made a point of PMing the admin... so who's doing things behind whose back??
Livid: In fact, I was banned from two rooms because of my loyalty to your room, i worked twice the hours everyone else has put together, and i understand you're sick, and i'm very sorry about that, in fact concerned that you don't take care of yourself, and that may well be a lot of the reason for what I see as paranoia right now.
Livid: But you never had a friend more loyal and true than me. If you have an issue of pride or ego or whatever it might be about me running the room in your absence, that's not on me sweetheart, it's on you. Yes, there is NO question I have pride about what I believe I've brought to the room, and my part in it's success. I know I've been extremely instrumental in the room doing as well as it has. I've done it before in a much larger chat room, typically 6 times the size of this.
Livid: So yes, I'm proud of it, but I KNOW it's not my room. However, for the past few weeks I've run it pretty much by myself, making all the decisions as they became necessary to make, and have received nothing but support from everyone i encounter.
Livid: When JC is there, he's a huge help, and a terrific admin, and his decisions are always right, and when he's there I can rely on the fact there is someone else there who can and does make solid decisions and neither of us ever question one another's choices except to discuss the nuances of them for future use.
Livid: When he's there, I simply don't worry, because I know he can run the room without missing a beat.
Livid: But as you noted, he's not there a lot, and especially lately, so that leaves me Dreama. I'm the one everyone looks to for answers, for support, for justice, and i'm the one who has to decide on the spot at the very moment something happens, because it can't wait for someone else to come online hours or perhaps a day or days later. I know that's not your fault, but it's the fact.
Livid: So yes, I feel the room has been my responsibilty ever since you asked for my help. I didn't make the decision to take a hat lightly. You may recall I hesitated for a long time before I committed, but I committed because of the concept of the room, and because of you.
Mystic Sea Maiden: now agian i ask do you want to admin in room and will you not red dot due to A> nasty pm and B> cuase others ask you to?
Livid: what? what the hell is B?
Livid: cuz others ask me to? what's that about?
Livid: n/m... it's not important...
Mystic Sea Maiden: you had a meeting did you not about having someone red dotted due to others wanting him to be red dot or am i mistaken and misunderstood it
Livid: No honey.. I can't admin the room the way i've been doing without either you or JC around and not be able to make my own decisions..
Livid: yes, you're mistaken..
Livid: i didn't call the meeting.. i didn't want the meeting..
Mystic Sea Maiden: hmmm MP didnt break tos in our room
Mystic Sea Maiden: yet he is red dotted right?
Mystic Sea Maiden: you should have told them you would talk to me
Livid: and it was because they wanted him BANNED, not dotted.. and I dotted him for TOS.
Mystic Sea Maiden: i know these people livid for 5 yrs
Mystic Sea Maiden: you dont
Livid: he DID break TOS.
Mystic Sea Maiden: ty Di Von
Mystic Sea Maiden: oppps
Livid: on OUR mic...
Livid: He talked on mic about doing sexual things to women who were in the room.. and he talked about them having sex while on mic in the room... YOUR ROOM.

There isn't a person who is even reasonably familiar with the social issues section of PalTalk who doesn't know MagnumPotent attacks women from the mic in the chatrooms. We've all heard his descriptions of rape and molestation, his horribly graphic vocal images of the abuse and attack of women, not to mention his regard for them as slaves. In an earlier PM, I'd already told Mystic he had done the same thing in her room, and that after I dotted him for it, I had been pulled into a private room and literally harangued for an hour by several angry women who had just witnessed his offensive behavior in Mystic's room, and wanted me to "ban" him. Their request was very reasonable, and frankly, the least any chatroom can do for its visitors, to spare them the disgust and hatred and fear. Shouldn't Mystic have known that too? After all, she'd complained about him since I knew her. Mystic knew my decision was to place Magnum on auto-dot, meaning any time he came to the room, he was automatically dotted so he couldn't spew his poison, and even then, the women who took me to task in the private room wanted more, but grudgingly agreed with my offer. They compromised, as I did. Why, except Mystic's need to be in charge, would she overturn this?

Livid: n/m...
Livid: forget it..
Mystic Sea Maiden: ok wait a min from everyone i talked to he did NOT do taht in Banned suppostly he did it in another room
Livid: Why do you think they were so angry? They didn't think I dotted him fast enought.. and the truth is, I probably should have dotted him quicker, but guess what? I was AGAIN the only one watching the room.
Livid: i don't give a fuck who you talked to..
Livid: I dotted him for a reason.. and even then i let him go until he'd gone WAY over the line...
Livid: and the next thing i know, i'm yanked into a room with at least a half dozen angry women telling me i didn't do something about him FAST enough...
Livid: So FUCK whoever you're talking to.. i don't believe it anyway...
Livid: JC wasn't in the room, so i know it wasn't him..
Livid: and April was in that meeting apparently to support the other women there.. so it wasn't her.
Livid: and if it was april, since when do you put your faith in her? isn't she the one you think has major emotional issues?
Livid: isn't she the one you said is threatening to kill herself all the time?
Livid: but never mind any of that.. you either believe me.. believe in me.. or you don't.. if you do believe in me, i'm happy to help you.. if you don't, then i'm not.
Livid: simple as that.. easy as that..
Mystic Sea Maiden: ok so what about red dots on someone due to nasty pm?
Livid: If I red dot someone for a TOS violation, and I tell them in the room text it will be for 5 minutes, and they then PM me, and abuse me even though I've explained the violation to them, and even then they continue it even more, I will tell them they are dotted for the day, and I will never "force" any admin to take that sort of abuse. They are there to help and they don't deserve that.
Livid: They are helping out of the kindness and generosity of their hearts, and they don't deserve that sort of abuse.
Livid: Even if they were getting paid, I wouldn't allow it.
Livid: They deserve the best treatment i can give them because they are doing it on principle... believe me.. they buy the concept.. but there is no reason they need to abide the abuse..

Why am I having to defend the administrators here? Shouldn't Mystic as owner of the room be doing that? Why was I the one who pointed out that the admin are not only doing their job but worthy of the highest respect and esteem and support we can possibly provide? Shouldn't she have been the one to jump to their defense from the very start? Aren't they human beings with feelings that get hurt when they're abused? Aren't they of flesh and blood who when threatened by an out of control nutcase on Paltalk, feel real fear and concern?

Livid: now either get out of PM's with everyone you're talking to about this or anything else, or we don't need to continue this.. i'm giving you my full attention.. it's the least you can do for me...
Mystic Sea Maiden: i am not in pm
Mystic Sea Maiden: i am admining my room
Livid: gee.. lol
Livid: well.. i'll just let you get back to that.. didn't mean to inconvenience you..
Mystic Sea Maiden: whatever

Now you know the reasons I quit "Banned". This was even "before" Mystic's sudden love affair with Virginia and Jay turned into making them admins and upsetting the room to the point where open rebellion reigned. She ultimately backtracked when the entire meeting she was forced to have by angry admin and roomies, turned into a landslide vote to strip the offenders of their hats. She blamed me for that for some reason, a meeting I resisted attending for an hour before she insisted I come, a meeting in which I did not vote and said precious little because I didn't think it was my right after I'd turned in my own hat. If I hadn't turned it in before this though, I would have then. I learned then and there I couldn't trust her.

Mystic was (and is) the only one I shared any personal information about my life. There was no one else. And yet the next thing I know, Mystic's friend April is using little bits and pieces of information only Mystic knew, and twisting them into lies. And now just a couple of days ago, there were libelous and dispicable charges in Virginia's blog by mrarchiebunker, which also had elements that only Mystic knew, and this time the lies had turned into the most damning and untrue violations of my life you can imagine. Until very recently I struggled with a life that for the couple of years has been beset with heart problems, hospitalizations, financial setbacks and other problems that have made things difficult for me. What I told her was important to me and confidential as all personal conversations are and should be.

Even now I hate that I feel forced to do something I never do with anyone but my family. Regardless of whether I'm flush with everything I could want as I was just a short couple of years ago and am headed toward again, or mired in the troubles that hamper every human life, it pains me to have to speak of myself to anyone except those very few people I trust. I made the horrendous mistake of trusting one person on Paltalk, and she has paid me back with lies, deceit, broken words, and pain.

Right up until the moment of this writing, I remained silent and placed the blame of libel at the feet of Virginia and archie for their libel. It remains there now, but now you see the seeds of that betrayal, sown by Mystic. No question I was angry at her, but I never spoke publicly about her, and didn't even make the decision to open a new room until she made her deal with Virginia and Jay behind everyone's backs. Right up until this moment I've kept her name quiet, hoping she'd somehow morph into the woman she made herself out to be. By the time of this PM, I had made the trip from complete and utter loyalty to no longer trusting her at all, not to mention no longer believing anything she told me, either personally or otherwise. It got even worse as time passed, and future PM's are no better. This one however, doesn't even cover much of what transpired since then that has forced me into the moment of acceptance I struggled against for so long. There are some very significant things Mystic has told me over time, some of them that were difficult to believe even before any of this happened, some of which she has claimed on Patltalk. Now I wonder if any of it is true! And yet I remain quiet about those questions while others have not. Perhaps I should have checked more thoroughly into the reason she was fired in 2Way, but I didn't. I simply believed what she told me without question. Naive people like me never learn. I liked Mystic, and therefore I trusted her. Hope and faith is all we have sometimes, and my God does it hurt when those things are attacked.

Why has all this happened? Mystic's need to get even because I quit "Banned", because of her ego, her pride, because she blames me for the loss of her room, even though her choices brought about its downfall. And most of all, this has happened because of her lack of ethics, character and integrity. So now half a dozen people at minimum, a few chatrooms, a couple of blogs, and all those directly or indirectly impacted can suffer so that Mystic takes her pound of flesh from one man, and one who deserves better. This is the stuff of nightmares, hers, and now mine, and everyone else's. For what? To what end? Except to nourish one's own failings, to hide and mask, to lie to ourselves, to hurt and punish. Why?