WHAT THE....?

Well Corker Crikey! Blow me down! strike me Pink! and stone the bloody Crows all at the same time. In the immortal words of the Crocodile-lunatic Steve Irwin: "....Have a go at this little sheila wouldya?..." The most incredulous and baffling beyond belief statement occurred the other day on a chat program by the trollop that by comparison would make Camilla Parker-Bowles appear with all the credibility of a 2 pound prostitute.. I speak of course of the Dope on a rope known as JesSeado.The lame brain nincompoop that coined the famous phrase....: "i....,i.....,i...,i....,i, you know? ..? "
I was as stunned as a mullet on valium when I saw just 3 words typed during World series Chat debates about worlds worst Presidents. She just has to take the cake, the plate and the whole frikkin table for this one:

JesSeado: Bush never lies

Well... Gee ...I guess she should know The Horses ass had become the horses mouth in one short statement. I was speechless for about 4 days afterward. I found my brain laughing at random moments in my daily life from the idiocies carefully formulated behind such a obviously ignorant statement. Gee.. A trollop being paid $14 US an hour to sit on her big fat arse surely is being paid too much to come up with no brainers like that one. I began to ponder (as one does) What would have caused such a statement to come into being. I quickly scribbled a list at work, (Between taking river samples and trying Mrs Whittles' freshly baked lamingtons) to try and seek answers to this great mystery that indeed would leave even a great scientist dribbling his froot loops trying to work out such an illogical statement. It simply defies the laws of probability that Stupidity in a human could have developed to such a level. My work on this statement was tireless. I eventually after a week of serious thought came up with the following. JesSeado would have said such a thing because:
1) She is paid to say such lies
2) She firmly believes such lies
3) She was raised as a redneck with such lies
4) She has brain damage
5) She is just plain and simply stupid
OR:
6) A carefully combined cocktail of the above Selections.

I insisted to my brain that it must be answer 6) In order to sleep peacefully and stop waking up in controlled fits of laughter and incredulous spasms. However I have stopped myself from debating such bull with her ever again. And just whack the lamebrain on ignore instead. For those of you who havent seen my Mainstream Politics Site from a Year ago.. Here is the MP3 of JesSeado (impersonation I made). Its funny how she STILL waffles the same garbage one year on and hasn't been handed a new script in that time since. Still relevant today as it was a year, or two (or 3) ago.
http://www.geocities.com/nephilim_70/JessSeado.mp3

"Better to live in peaceful ignorance of the ignorant than for oneself to be caught up in total ignorance with one as ignorant such as that...."
Nephilim_70 B.B. B. B.B.
(Boogie Boogie in a Big Bloody Barrell)

SORRY

Sorry about the light posting the past few days. Last week I caught some uber-mutated illness, and spent the weekend sick as a dog. Now, a few days later, I'm only sick as a hamster, or a mid-size gerbil. So that's good news. Talk to you soon.

JC

EXTRASTUPID PERCEPTION

Holy shit, you will not believe what I just heard in 2 Way. Hondo_1887 was on the mic, saying some ludicrous nonsense about how the reporters aren't reporting all the schools being painted in Iraq (hey, who can paint schools when they keep finding decapitated corpses and getting shot at and blown up). Hondo even had some weird theory about why Bush was secretly confabbing with teporters off the record.

But get this: as Hondo was telling us about how clever his idea was, he started chuckling a little to himself, like a drooling infant with a favorite toy. And then he said the following, I kid you not:

"Sometimes I think that Rush Limbaugh is like tuned into my brain waves. Like, I'll think something, and the next day, it's like Rush heard my thoughts, and then he's talking about it."

Now, some of you may look at that and say, "Oh, well, he's just saying that like it's a coincidence, like the way two people will think of the same thing at the same time sometimes." Let me tell you, friend, that was not what Hondo was talking about. His voice took on kind of a dreamy, far-off quality as he reminisced about how, one time, Bill Clinton didn't use some idea in one of his speeches because he, Hondo, had thought of it first and somehow communicated it to Rush through brain waves.

I don't think I can accurately convey just how creepy Hondo sounded. This is someone who clearly has delusions of his own grandeur. He was speaking about his interactions, his calls and conversation with Rush, as if he were a central player in this whole drama. Utterly mesmerizing. And yet, strangely entertaining. I sure hope there aren't any tall, easily barricaded clock towers around where Hondo lives...

JC

PUT A MUZZLE ON THIS GUY

http://mediamatters.org/items/200603130003

Please watch the video clip of Bill O'Liar attacking some of the greatest politcal minds over the past 2 years. This man is a world class hypocrite because he will use his radio and TV shows to attack people and I'm not talking about just the run of the mill "he is no good" type of of insults. I'm talking about death threats, threats of bodly harm and other character assassination that go beyond the limits of good taste. Also, he likes to have guests on that make him look like a God and that have weak arguments. For such a "fine and upstanding" tv network like fox and westwood one who broadcasts his radio stations, they should feel ashamed at his actions.

Another thing that pisses me off is when he is on the recieving end of the same abuse, his answer to that is to threaten legal action and more slander. Boy, what a piece of work this guy is and it makes me sick to see him abuse his clout like that. His "NO SPIN ZONE" is making me dizzy and Im fed up with it and I think it is time to take him to task and tell him to SHUT UP for once in his miserable life.

Once again it has been your pleasure,
Z

YOU ARE THERE

From our correspondent with the Nephilim _ 70 News Network, we get this rare candid shot of PalTalk chatmaven High_Falutin24:



An intrepid reporter for NNN also managed to get this photo of the interior of Vic Ferrari's trailer. We heard later that the reporter received a Tetanus shot and will likely make a full recovery:

HALF A HOOF AT TWICE THE PRICE

I took a look at The Tattler's latest message from the planet of pointless platitudes after reading vacreeper's newest masterpiece. (excellently done, sir, and a smoother razor-slicing of puffed-up pedantry we've scarcely seen) Tattle-boy certainly made me laugh when I saw he was singing the praises of Hofbrau the Inept. What strikes me as odd, though, is how any normal, intelligent, nonideologue could possibly consider Hofbrau a serious political thinker.

Hof is one of the lowest breed of debaters, the post-Descartean radical doubter. If you told Hoffy that the sun would rise tomorrow, he'd ask for proof. If you tell him Hitler killed 6 million jews, he'll ask for a list. He turns every straightforward debate into a slog through gummed-up glass shards. I've long since tossed that cretinous asshole with cerebral atrophy over the side of the ship. And for The Tattler to try and rehabilitate Hof's image isn't like the blind leading the blind, it's like the blind dragging a corpse. Of a rhinoceros.

JC

ANOTHER STRAWMAN COURTESY OF THE TATTLER

Today in the Tattler:

“An intelligent person lives in accordance with their beliefs…”

This would be a serious boner had it come from a reputable source; but coming from the blog modeled after the Rona Barrett school of slime and sleaze “journatainment” where fact and fancy are often fused into meaningless, valueless bundles of fluff, our sister publication leaves us, once again, scratching our scalps and wondering: What the Fuck?

Surely the Tattler doesn’t subscribe to its own patently illogical poppycock! It does; however, beg a number of questions: Is the converse of that argument true? Do all ignorant people live in discordance with their beliefs? Are intelligent persons the only people with beliefs? Are there any ignorant people with beliefs? Are the beliefs of ignorant people ignorant beliefs? Are the beliefs of intelligent people intelligent beliefs? Can intelligent people have ignorant beliefs? Can ignorant people have intelligent beliefs? Can an intelligent person be ignorant? Can an ignorant person be intelligent? Do all intelligent people have beliefs? Do all intelligent persons live in accordance with their beliefs? Was the Unabomber intelligent – he lived in accordance with his beliefs? There is no clarity whatsoever to this most inane of statements.

What is clear is the Tattler has ingenuously whored itself out to the world of irrational thinkers. In proclaiming itself a neocon standard bearer, the Tattler trivializes the importance of using logic in debate, blurs the distinction between truth and the nonsensical ramblings of gutless cowards, and panders to those who would summarily surrender their integrity, their honor, and their rights to Fascist pigs intent upon destroying our Constitution and our nation – without so much as whimper.

If the Tattler were informed he would understand that irrationalism is a crucial element of conservativism, and he would disparage the sophistical neocon palaver that Fascism/Nazism is a liberal, left-wing weltanschauung. He would know that National Socialism is the Fascist moniker for nationalism. If the Tattler were intelligent, he would know that conservative ideals like nationalism, pride, and patriotism are not founded on any logical principles, but are purely emotional enterprises, and that emotions are irrational thoughts with little to no probative value insofar as intellect is concerned. Neocons fool themselves into believing they are arguing facts, when in fact they spend the vast majority of their time defending their positions by supplanting facts with fallacy tempered with disingenuous appeals to emotions. If the tattler were informed, he would realize that it is liberalism that seeks to shed the coil of innate ignorance, and that conservatism is the philosophy that is antagonistic toward enlightenment and progress. If the Tattler knew what he was talking about, he would realize those claiming to be blow-hard conservatives are nothing of the sort - but that they are actually narcissistic closet-liberals who erroneously believe George Bush and his retinue really care about them and their well-being - that they are faux-conservatives who swoon at hearing Rush Limbaugh and his ilk spew their acrimony and propaganda - that they are so giddy with power they fail to see how they hasten the creeping pall of Fascism.

The fact of the matter is the Tattler made an utterly ludicrous statement. Why? Because it sounds good; it makes his neocon fans chortle and huff a bit and gives them something to wallow in besides their own feces. It fits in well with the slick and slime the Tattler tries to pass off as polemics and critical thinking. We here at the Rattler didn't fall for the schtik. And to think we expected more of the Tattler! Ha!

But the Tattler is right about one thing: There is nothing more freightening than ignorance in action.

Vacreeper2003

THIS EXPLAINS A LOT

Via AMERICAblog, a new personality study confirms what a few days in PT would make abundantly clear:

Remember the whiny, insecure kid in nursery school, the one who always thought everyone was out to get him, and was always running to the teacher with complaints? Chances are he grew up to be a conservative.

At least, he did if he was one of 95 kids from the Berkeley area that social scientists have been tracking for the last 20 years. The confident, resilient, self-reliant kids mostly grew up to be liberals.The study from the Journal of Research Into Personality isn't going to make the UC Berkeley professor who published it any friends on the right. Similar conclusions a few years ago from another academic saw him excoriated on right-wing blogs, and even led to a Congressional investigation into his research funding.

But the new results are worth a look. In the 1960s Jack Block and his wife and fellow professor Jeanne Block (now deceased) began tracking more than 100 nursery school kids as part of a general study of personality. The kids' personalities were rated at the time by teachers and assistants who had known them for months. There's no reason to think political bias skewed the ratings — the investigators were not looking at political orientation back then. Even if they had been, it's unlikely that 3- and 4-year-olds would have had much idea about their political leanings.

A few decades later, Block followed up with more surveys, looking again at personality, and this time at politics, too. The whiny kids tended to grow up conservative, and turned into rigid young adults who hewed closely to traditional gender roles and were uncomfortable with ambiguity.The confident kids turned out liberal and were still hanging loose, turning into bright, non-conforming adults with wide interests. The girls were still outgoing, but the young men tended to turn a little introspective.

Block admits in his paper that liberal Berkeley is not representative of the whole country. But within his sample, he says, the results hold. He reasons that insecure kids look for the reassurance provided by tradition and authority, and find it in conservative politics. The more confident kids are eager to explore alternatives to the way things are, and find liberal politics more congenial.

In a society that values self-confidence and out-goingness, it's a mostly flattering picture for liberals. It also runs contrary to the American stereotype of wimpy liberals and strong conservatives.

Of course, if you're studying the psychology of politics, you shouldn't be surprised to get a political reaction. Similar work by John T. Jost of Stanford and colleagues in 2003 drew a political backlash. The researchers reviewed 44 years worth of studies into the psychology of conservatism, and concluded that people who are dogmatic, fearful, intolerant of ambiguity and uncertainty, and who crave order and structure are more likely to gravitate to conservatism. Critics branded it the "conservatives are crazy" study and accused the authors of a political bias.
...

I can already hear Vic whining...

JC

HONDO NEEDS HIS DIAPER CHANGED

Just now in 2 Way, Hondo_1887 threw a whiny temper tantrum and stormed out of the room like a petulant child. It seems that Hondo came up with the astounding idea that terrorists pay attention to and try to use the media to spread fear and ideology. Stop the presses! What an amazing revelation! Terrorists using media to spread fear? Pretty soon you'll be believing that drivrs use gasoline to make cars go, or that Republicans use lies to fool voters. Inconceivable.

In service to his theory, Hondo asked for, and received permission from avpete, to play a short Q & A from, I believe, MSNBC. So, the anchor asked the reporter if the terrorists manipulated the media and planned attacks accordingly. The reporter gave a few sentences of his answer, then said, "...there is some coordination, however..." at which point Hondo abruptly stopped the tape. What's this? That reporter was about to give some contradictory information, but Hondo cut off the tape.

I asked Hondo to play the entirety of the tape, but he ignored me. Pretty soon, the room was clamoring in text to hear the whole tape. avpete dotted Hondo and asked him politely to play the portion of the tape after the, "However..." When Hondo retook the mic, he was livid. You could hear the quaver in his voice as he rhetorically stomped his feet at the outrage and injustice of it all. He was sniffling back tears as he pouted in impotent rage. Then, as we laughed, he left the room in a huff.

Hondo began his time in the room telling us that his political opponents are actually all plants and spies working for the terrorists. That's right, we're not really Americans who think this president and his party are a bunch of corrupt liars who are hurting this nation. No, in Hondo's diseased mind, we are all a shadowy cabal bent on undermining America. And nothing stands between the US and total destruction except for SuperHondo and his Wingnut Power Pals. Who knew that it would be so easy to hurt his wittle feelings? If Hondo is our last line of defense against the terroist menace, we're in serious trouble.

JC

I SEE THEY HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON

I'll bet you didn't see this article from the Associated Press a few days ago. I'm sure the obsessive wingnut oafs were flipping out when they read this, but truer words about the boy emperor were never written:

"Some look at the challenges in Iraq and conclude that the war is lost and not worth another dime or another day," President Bush said recently.

Another time he said, "Some say that if you're Muslim you can't be free."

"There are some really decent people," the president said earlier this year, "who believe that the federal government ought to be the decider of health care ... for all people."

Of course, hardly anyone in mainstream political debate has made such assertions.

When the president starts a sentence with "some say" or offers up what "some in Washington" believe, as he is doing more often these days, a rhetorical retort almost assuredly follows.

The device usually is code for Democrats or other White House opponents. In describing what they advocate, Bush often omits an important nuance or substitutes an extreme stance that bears little resemblance to their actual position.

He typically then says he "strongly disagrees" — conveniently knocking down a straw man of his own making.

I am sick to death of this mealy-mouthed weaselly Bush-logic. The man could not defend his ideas if his life depended on it. Someone said recently, and I fully agree, that the reason Bushie talks to the American people like children is because ideas are explained to him as if he were a child. It is ghoulish and frankly sickening to listen to the man speak. I can't do it without dry-heaving.

We have a wingnut in PT who is exactly like Bush in this respect. grunto likes to leave his banjo on the porch and come spew his idiocy on the mic. I know I'm not alone in wishing that he'd find another way to amuse himself. Maybe if we give him a few bits of shiny tin foil, he'll skitter off and hide them in a tree. What should we expect from a man who thinks hog-fucking should be a professional sport?

grunto is as much a king of strawmen as Bush. The fool spent 2 minutes on the mic asking this vapid question: "Which of you out there is gonna tell me that Saddam was a great guy? Huh? Who is going to say that the Baathists were nice people?" grunto, you sad sack of simple-minded sputum, no one in the room thought Saddam was a prince. What a depressingly low opinion you must have of yourself if you need to avoid the many and sundry solid arguments against invading Iraq, in favor of knocking over a strawman. Instead, you throw on your water wings, and proceed to splash around in the kiddie pool. I think you need a diaper change, grunto, because your diaper stinks worse than your arguments.

JC

A MOMENT OF CLARITY

From the Unintentional Irony Department, a subsidiary of the Department of Redundancy Department, we receive the following missive from Boom Boom Bobby:

1BobbyMcGee: any one who can kill or has no quarrel with killing they are evil and unrepentent

Really? You don't say. So, when I asked you if you'd support Palestinians laying down arms if there were a peace deal, and you told me you would never want them to stop fighting and killing Israelis, until Israel was gone completely, I suppose that makes you...evil.

Glad we got that cleared up.

JC

ALL IN A DAY'S WORK

Some of the lighter moments in the Bush Presidency......

See more great moments in the life of Bush at
http://home.comcast.net/%7Ewizardofwhimsy/

vacreeper2003

WELL, LAH-DEE-FRICKIN-DAH, HE'S AN AR-TEEST!

Unbeknownst to the rest of us, it turns out Nephilim _ 70 has some talent with Photoshop. The force is strong with this one. Too bad the ability doesn't extend to other computer tasks, as he can't manage to actually post his creations, and he had to reformat his hard drive this morning. Remember, Neph, the sliding tray isn't a coffee holder.

JC

SHE SAID WHAT?

I'm sure I'm going to get an earful of venom from isabellah-1 over posting this, but my obligation to posterity has to come before my personal loyalties. We all know isa is a delicate daisy, a frail, wispy woman, soft in manner and voice. I would fain injure her ethereal ego, but my duty is clear. She clearly is completely clueless about the NSA warrantless wiretapping scandal, as the following will illuminate. I only hope that isa can find it in her heart to forgive me.

At first, isa asks me a few softball questions about the FISA law. At this point, I had no reason to think that isa didn't understand what this scandal is about. Read along with me:

isabellah-1: jesus how long does anyone have to get a warrant AFTER the fact?
isabellah-1: do u know?
Jesus Claus: 3 days
isabellah-1: according to FISA?
Jesus Claus: 72 hours
isabellah-1: OK... so how long can it be stretched out .. legally?
isabellah-1: and jesus.. how often do the body of justice meet to review the taps?
Jesus Claus: review what taps?
isabellah-1: the wiretaps
isabellah-1: do u know?
isabellah-1: bc i do
Jesus Claus: what about them?
isabellah-1: jesus
isabellah-1: sigh
Jesus Claus: within the FISA law?
Jesus Claus: or in the newly proposed law?
isabellah-1: every 45 days a body of justice meets to review the wiretaps
isabellah-1: EVERY 45 DAYS
Jesus Claus: review what wiretaps?
Jesus Claus: are you kidding me?

It is at this point the terrible truth dawned on me. isabellah-1 thinks the NSA program that Bush started secretly, which spied on American citizens, and which was completely secret, she thinks it was being approved every 45 days by the FISA court! The mind boggles. This can't be for real. She really believes that the very program that was designed to circumvent the need to get a FISA warrant was being approved by FISA? Inconceivable!

Jesus Claus: Bush's wiretaps were not known about by the FISA court, isa
isabellah-1: any wiretaps that are done in the usa jesus
Jesus Claus: don't you get that?
isabellah-1: jesus u need to research this more
Jesus Claus: um...no
Jesus Claus: isa, you're embarrassing yourself
Jesus Claus: it's pathetic
isabellah-1: ummm yes sweetheart
isabellah-1: u do
Jesus Claus: the NSA warrantless wiretaps would NOT be reviewed EVER by the FISA court
Jesus Claus: because the FISA court was not EVER consulted
isabellah-1: yes they do jesus
Jesus Claus: no, sorry, they don't
isabellah-1: YES THEY DO
Jesus Claus: the NSA warrantless wiretaps WERE NOT reviewed by FSA!!!!
isabellah-1: RESEARCH IT JESUS
Jesus Claus: FISA
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahaha
isabellah-1: now YOU aree embarrassing yourself
Jesus Claus: isa, hahahahahahahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahha
isabellah-1: nervous laughter?
Jesus Claus: are you saying the wiretaps that were hidden by Bush were reviewed by FISA, isa?
isabellah-1: heheh
isabellah-1: they were NOT hidden jesus
Jesus Claus: yes, they were, isa!
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahahaha
isabellah-1: no jesus
isabellah-1: they weren't
Jesus Claus: how can the FISA court review wiretaps they never authorized?
isabellah-1: u want them to be
isabellah-1: but they aren't hidden
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahahaha
isabellah-1: trust me jesus
Jesus Claus: yes, that's what this scandal is about, isa!!!
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahahah
Jesus Claus: the wiretaps were NOT approved by FISA
Jesus Claus: that's what the scandal is, isa
Jesus Claus: capisce?
Jesus Claus: Bush authorized warrantless wiretaps WITHOUT telling the FISA court
Jesus Claus: so there is no 45 day review of THOSE wiretaps
isabellah-1: no jesus.. the scandal is about ppl complaining ABOUT wiretaps.. not that the wiretaps were hidden... the justice system was always fully aware of them
isabellah-1: bc of FISA
Jesus Claus: no, isa, that is complete nonsense!!!
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: is that what you think?
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahaha
isabellah-1: no it's not jesus
isabellah-1: you're wrong this time sweet
Jesus Claus: isa, you really think that the scandal is about revealing the program?!?!?
Jesus Claus: hahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: ISa, FISA never reviewed these NSA wiretaps
Jesus Claus: don't you get it?
Jesus Claus: hahahahahaha
isabellah-1: yes they did jesus
Jesus Claus: omfg, NO, they didn't
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahaha
isabellah-1: you just don't want to believe it
mike29655: the wiretapping has to be renewed every 45 days
Jesus Claus: isa, you don't even know what the scandal IS!!!
isabellah-1: renewed and REVIEWED mike.. absolutely
Jesus Claus: no, wiretapping not approved by FISA wasn't reviewed!
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: holy shit
Jesus Claus: isa, you are so dense
Jesus Claus: hahahahahaha
isabellah-1: *pulls sword out*
isabellah-1: TAKE IT BACK
isabellah-1: NOW
Jesus Claus: oh man, this is totally going on the blog
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: isa thinks the warrantless hidden wiretaps were being reviewed by the FISA court!
isabellah-1: lol jesus don't you dare
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahaha
B4UI82: jesus your in it now
vacreeper2003: isa doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground
isabellah-1: jesus i will embarrass you by finding and refuting your claim

Just to forestall my comeuppance, take a look at this story. A FISA court judge specifically resigned because the FISA court was not consulted, and the wiretaps proceeded without warrants. It would be odd indeed for a judge to resign in disgust over wiretaps that he himself, in isa's mind, was approving of every 45 days, don't you think?

Jesus Claus: hahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: please do
Jesus Claus: go for it
Jesus Claus: you're so damn wrong!
Jesus Claus: hahahahahaha
vacreeper2003: isa - you can't refute it - the FISA court doesn't hear cases
vacreeper2003: IT ISSUES WARRANTS
Jesus Claus: no, vac, she thinks the wiretaps Bush ordered without telling FISA was REVIEWED by FISA!
vacreeper2003: the FISA COURT HEARS EX PARTE CASES FROM THE GOVERNMENT
Jesus Claus: hahahahaha
Jesus Claus: because it was in the FISA law
Jesus Claus: hahahahahaha
vacreeper2003: good grief
vacreeper2003: no wonder America is declining
isabellah-1: noogs did u get my coffee yet?
Jesus Claus: she thinks the program Bush HID from FISA is being reviewed every 45 days by FISA!
vacreeper2003: don't forget to piss in the coffee noooogie
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahaha
LindseyD_RR: amazing, isn't it Jesus!
isabellah-1: vac don't be mean bc i disagree *pisses on vacs carseat*
vacreeper2003: JC - is this room a microcosm of America? Please tell me it isn't.
isabellah-1: jesus?
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahaha
isabellah-1: don't call me names in the blog.. show me the respect i show you
vacreeper2003: isa - you're wrong
vacreeper2003: even little ol' vacreeper can see that
isabellah-1: OK OK OK I AM LEAVING PALTALK
isabellah-1: FOREVER
isabellah-1: YOU PPL ARE SO MEAN
Jesus Claus: FISA exists to provide a legal avenue
isabellah-1: *pisses in the corner*
isabellah-1: !!!!!
Telecasterdude: not me issabella im nice
isabellah-1: 'wrong?
isabellah-1: yes telecaster u r .. ty
southerncapricorn: exactly claus, and it is a fucking "LAW"
vacreeper2003: yes - get a goddamn warrant
isabellah-1: ok i gotta go jesus... RESEARCH IT BROTHER
isabellah-1: I'LL BE BACK
isabellah-1: BYE
isabellah-1: I HAVE TO
isabellah-1: THE CABLE GUY IS HERE
isabellah-1: BYE
isabellah-1: SMOOCH

XOXO, isabellah-1, we love you here. Please don't be mad. Wait, what are you doing with that sword? Ow, my spleen!

JC

THERE ONCE WAS A HOG NAMED MOSESKNOWS...

MosesKnows told us a strange story about pigs today. No, he wasn't detailing the adventures of Superlobbyist Jack Abramoff. According to MK, this story supposedly proves that socialism is tyrannical. In it, a clever trapper uses the bait of free corn to get a wild, violent, murderous group of hogs to accept captivity. What seems to have escaped our Moses of very little brain is that when you compare the two alternatives, captivity might not be so bad...

Jesus Claus: this is a disturbing story
Jesus Claus: is he implying that wild hogs that kill each other normally and don't function as a group are a good model?
M I CHELLE: whats wrong with that Moses? to help others in need?
Noooogie: moses is deranged
Noooogie: get it ?
M I CHELLE: maybe some work and its not enough and need help.
B4UI82: MOSES you do not know SHIT about socialism
Jesus Claus: we should be wild hogs that are violent and don't care about each other?
Jesus Claus: every hog for himself?
Jesus Claus: what about those who starve?
Noooogie: hogs have no bootstraps
vacreeper2003: no - he is implying that the man ate the corn
W i n d y: lolol jesus
Jesus Claus: WHAT ABOUT THOSE WHO STARVE?
Jesus Claus: what about the hogs who can't get food?
Telecasterdude: Hard to listen to a person who Knows nothing about Political Sciense like Moses who simply does not have a Clue of what hes talking about
B4UI82: greedy little capitalist
vacreeper2003: and drove the pigs into Lake Okachobe because they were possessed
Jesus Claus: MK, your own story defeats you
Jesus Claus: because normally, hogs would function by a dominance heirarchy
vacreeper2003: Moses probably boiled and ate his own children
Jesus Claus: right, MK?
MosesKnows: who decides what you suggest is an impovement?
M I CHELLE: I don't get this moralistic right wing bullshit, then...they support a totally capitalist society that is not compassionate or giving. Quit using your religion and say what you really mean, that you are greedy and dont care about other humans.
B4UI82: its like saying humanity is wrong
Noooogie: hogs , like republicans will eat and consume anything put in front of them, including human flesh
Jesus Claus: if it helps people, it's an improvement
Noooogie: just a tidbit for yas there
Jesus Claus: B4, it's like saying being humane is wrong
MosesKnows: okay, i'll listen better...this advice from a person who did not listen to me.
B4UI82: yes jesus
Jesus Claus: we heard you, MK
Jesus Claus: your story was disturbing
Jesus Claus: i was revolted, actually
vacreeper2003: Repukes would eat fucking friccassed dust bunnies to prove a rediculous point
MosesKnows: the story of the free corn is on the internet, http://www.geoffmetcalf.com/790.html
MosesKnows: b4u - that is exactly when you should be listening the most....
Noooogie: when has moses ever had a coherent arguement someone didnt destroy?
Noooogie: never?
Noooogie: freep shit
Noooogie: the hogs name was delay
Noooogie: and the other hog named abramoff
vacreeper2003: die
Telecasterdude: The Corn anology is simplistic and it doesnt take other factors in to concideration
Noooogie: they fed at the same trough
Noooogie: eat eat eat
Noooogie: yum yum yum
Noooogie: steal steal eat
Noooogie: shit shit shit
MosesKnows: lol...the hogs are going to die...which are then better off...lol
MosesKnows: please read it, i can't do it justice in 4 min.... the story of the free corn is on the internet, http://www.geoffmetcalf.com/790.html
MosesKnows: lol..it has not to do with the food...lol
Telecasterdude: what about the elderly Moses they dont get their Corn lol
vacreeper2003: what moses is trying to tell us is that if you die from starvation - it's your fault
Noooogie: right makes might!
vacreeper2003: if you can't survive in society - you SHOULD die
Telecasterdude: Noogie thats the sad fact this neocons support only themself
Noooogie: poor kids who cant eat.... they need to get JOBS!@
Noooogie: its true largely
Noooogie: they dont see others, only themselves
Noooogie: no compassion
vacreeper2003: moses is promoting euthenasia of the less fortunate
Noooogie: no empathy
B4UI82: yes those little fuckers are just lazy noog
Noooogie: i got mine screw you is the attitude
Hentor: hell if those hungry kids will desing a new weapons system will feed them lmao
B4UI82: none at all nooog no such feelings it seems
MosesKnows: lol..this is so funny...jesus never heard the story before, didn't understand it when he did hear it, and now he is the expert on the author and the story,....you couldn't write this stuff...lol
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahaha
Noooogie: made up stories are a grat way to skew facts
Jesus Claus: you told the story very well, MK
Jesus Claus: and I got the moral perfectly
Hentor: wow animal farm day
B4UI82: Moses knows your name alone shows delusion
MosesKnows: jesus - lol..you got nothing
Jesus Claus: Starvation is preferable to bad leadership
Jesus Claus: I got it completely
MosesKnows: the hogs has a choice....until they fell for the free corn.
Jesus Claus: Hogs were better off in a dictatorship than in a socialist system
Jesus Claus: what choice?
Jesus Claus: what choice did a weaker hog have, MK?
Jesus Claus: pretend I am a weak hog, MK
Jesus Claus: I decide not to starve to death
vacreeper2003: Moses - again - you're blaming the victims of capitalism
Noooogie: moses is more of a lemming
Jesus Claus: Whooops, I have no control over thet, do I?
Noooogie: where is that cliff?
Jesus Claus: The system decides for me
Jesus Claus: The Alpha Hog says, "No, you die."
Telecasterdude: Working people who supports republicans are like chikens who support Colonel Sanders
vacreeper2003: Moses believes those who are dependent on others should die - they deserve death!
Jesus Claus: I decide not to die
Jesus Claus: oh, shit, I died
Jesus Claus: But at least I had a choice!
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahaha
B4UI82: lol jesus
Noooogie: claus, if you die, merely pull yourself back to life by your bootstraps
Noooogie: its so easy
Noooogie: dont you get it?
Jesus Claus: I CHOOSE LIFE!
Jesus Claus: and die anyway
Noooogie: do like the ghetto kids who cant eat do, get jobs
Noooogie: and die anyway
Noooogie: yes
B4UI82: hey jesus has done it b4
B4UI82: lol
Noooogie: the point is YOU TRIED
Noooogie: lol
Jesus Claus: not so, noogie, I just hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, select start to get 30 lives.
Noooogie: blaming the poor for their lot os typical of republican assholes with no compassion
Jesus Claus: so, MK, what is my choice worth as a weak hog?

Seems like both MK and the author of this fairy tale didn't think things through too well. Now, granted, it is always possible to sate all desires with "corn" and install a tyranny. Hell, we see that happening now in America. But in the strictest sense, a hog society based on the law of the jungle, survival of the fittest, kill or be killed, well, that means that most hogs are going to fare poorly, and many will die because a few strong hogs hog all the resources. I'm not even sure MK understands that when he says, "At least the hogs had a choice before," the "choice" is a big joke. If I can't fight for my food, I get nothing, no matter what my choice is. At least with the socialist system, we all get something.

I gotta be honest with you, I've never seen such a succinct and powerful contrast between rapacious, violent, unregulated capitalism and a better alternative. And the real answer is that we need a system that borrows from both the meritocracy of capitalism and the humane safety net of social democracy. Seriously, can you think of a better symbol for capitalism run amok than a pack of wild hogs, rampaging and chomping down on every morsel in sight, biting and goring their compatriots to amass the biggest pile of goodies? Nice try, MK, but you shot yourself in the foot again.

JC

YOU NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS TO SEE HIS SHORTCOMINGS

It seems a new troll has emerged from the shadows in 2 Way Street. MagnumPotent is a bit behind the times, though, because he is still trying to bash Kerry, and his main tactic seems to be accusing liberals of being communists. Did you know FDR was a communist? He was, on whatever planet Mag is from.

Clearly, this is a man who is fleeing from something. It's like he's playing at being a wingnut, but doesn't have the will or inclination to put effort into it. What kind of compensatory trauma would make a guy actually use the word "Potent" in his nickname? It's like he walked into the center of the room and announced, "Why, of course I don't have any erectile dysfunction! No siree, no wobblin' in my knobbin'! My wife is quite satisfied! And frequently, ha ha!"

It's ok, MagnImpotent, we won't judge you.

JC

THE DIMWITTED DUO

Vic Fucktardi and his youthful ward, Buttlogic

A MUST READ

The magic of this books is its versatility - you can supercede "Bill O'Reilly" with the name of ANY neocon you wish!

Try these, for example:

Dick Cheney
George Bush
Donald Rumsfeld
Paul Wolfowitz
Richard Perle
Ann Coulter
William Kristol
Chris Matthews

Now doesn't that feel good?

OK, let's try a few more deserving substitutions; the possibilities are endless! We'll just pluck a few PT names from our extensive neocon-packed Closet-O-Cowards:

Vic Ferrari
BruteLogic
Vigilant Reason
S_Link
MosesKnows
Student86
Virginia_1776
Conservative Atheist
jay
drclean

Try it! It's fun! Almost as fun as debating their pitiful asses!

Loofah Warrior - vacreeper2003 will be using THAT to replace the word "coward" in his dialogue with these yellow-streak hall of famers!

vacreeper2003

INCOMING

Due to the round earth thing, I always seem to crash into our American cousins at times of vulnerabilty, .. either insomniac or woken up by the barking of dogs , their psyche at its lowest and their faculties undersugared....what other explanation can there be for poor Student86?? Which is exactly twice his IQ number.

Student inhabits a world where the lights are dimmed and the constant gurgle of the tubes feeding the diazapram is the bass riff of his daily life. It is sad, but designer drugs CAN and DO work sometimes, so we can only hope. Student's latest cri de coeur is a longing to make contact with Somali vets... naturally, I was able to assist in this quest , and directed him to Tweetle (aka Dandruff Flake ) who, as we know , built his own Blackhawk from found material on the streets of Seattle and catapulted himself into Somalia regaled in a tutu and a jam tin hat lo these many years ago. The only problem , as I pointed out to Student, is that Tweets thinks he was also with Kitchener in the Sudan, and in the Zulu wars, and the Seige at Spion Kopje... some say he also thinks he marched back with Napoleon from Moscow...some say that Student actually IS Tweetle, but this is disputed due to Students frail grasp on spelling. Tweets has NO grasp on spelling whatsoever.

I suspect that Student86 is going to float himself in the very near future as Somali vet (mark 2 )so watch this space.

Hi falutin dragged herself up on her hind legs to scream her lust for Dubya yet again... it had the unlikely effect of making even Brutie and Archie ( those great yobs) reel back. It certainly had an effect on my little dog, Mango, who immediately stood up on her hind legs and howled..

2/way( the USS CAINE) was in disarray this morning as Captain Voo ( Queeg) against all the medic's advice, took the helm and became maddened to an alarming degree over a crewmans idle remark re Palestine. The balls began to rattle, the officers hid behind the smokestack , the OOD tried to hide in the engine room and the crew went over the side on hawsers and are currently AWOL. All Ensigns of the Caine are now on permanent KP and the ship itself has been assigned convoy garbage collection detail for an unspecified time.

24/7 INTERNET SOCIAL LIVES

Something has to be said about applying for the Internet permanent residency Visa.
Some Net-guests with a problematic nature and limited political insult vocabluary spend so long online they should surely be made to apply for a permanent Online residents Visa. They make a very clear example of what happens to a barely credible member of the human specie when they spend 20+ hrs a day online for months even years on end continuously. The speech center begins to re-occur into repitition.
Neurons begin to re-wire permanently to support fantastic theories, or wild beliefs. (Such as "BUSH is doing a heck of a great job..." and.. "Gee those Republicans are really working the budget..")

The same things seem to be said day in day out, with little recollection or self-realisation they are actually replicating the same propaganda or insult lines, as they did the day and even week before. Every day produces fewer and fewer original ideas or typed insults and even more fabulous claims about the BUSH cadre.
I really dont'need or even want to point fingers, ....but I will. Switch on a paticular chat program most times of any day and you will find the SAME THINGS said by the same bunch of BUSH-MONKEYS* almost every single day for the last 2-3 years.

One can almost have a quiz show where you have to guess the typer purely from the rhetoric vomited out over and over.
For example lets play a game called
Guess the MORON:
1) "You Lose we win. We are in charge now. Howard and Blair."(Thumbs up)
Hint: (He enjoys intimate moments alone with his dog and howls like a anally penetrated Jungle baboon during his bestial moments with his hound: deputy dawg>)

2) "I-I-I-Its all about Irak.... A - A- A And Saddam, And Democracy, And Freedom,... A-A-A- And I- I- I- I know were freeing the good people of Irak...A-A-And..." etc...
Hint: (For someone that claims her son has been in continuous bootcamp for the last 4 years, and says she hates arabs and muslims, she sure knows a lot of nothing about the Islamic faith.(Which she has a lot of opinion about.))

3) "The great patriot wins again, you lose, its all Clintons fault anyway, BUSH is the greatest. Sit down little boy."
Hint: (The most annoying nasally voice like his nostril passages are filled a pollichickens fecal matter laced with Tennessee corn. Spends much of his time sculpting naked garden gnome ornaments in his trailer in Alabama so he will have someone to talk and play with.)

OH My... I could go on and on..So many morons, so little blog-space. Its like a pathetic soap opera unfolding before our eyes.
The characters are like Chucky Wonkers B grade Cheese Fest of Short disturbing films about sociopathic net stalkers that really lets face it, they have little private lives except in the hallowed halls of their own adminned rooms, when there is no-one else in the room except the invisible Homeland Security Shiftworker with his Flash drive at the ready.

Anybody that spends so much time (at least 20 hrs a day) spewing forth lie after lie is eventually going to believe without doubt their own rubbish regardless how illogical or untrue the propaganda eventually becomes.
We can only but sit stunned in our chairs and marvel at the idiocies our planet has created in its race to debate and even locate the truth of the matter. I personally hope new legislation is rushed through where a person has to prove their IQ at a minimum level to have a licence to own and operate a computer. If this were the case, Social Issues would be nearly empty most days...

(*Bush-Monkeys: (def.) Eng Slang. originating from the lower eschelons of the Primate species. For a banana or a bag of peanuts they can be trained to believe or repeat anything.)

IT'S THE FELONY, STUPID

I cannot understand what it is about conservatism that removes your ability to perceive the passage of time. First, repukes try to convince us that everything ever said about Saddam's WMD are equivalent, whether it was said in 1991, 1998, 2002, or 2003. Get it through your granite skulls, guys. Situations can change from one moment to the next, so what on earth would make you think that something said when weapons inspectors are present is the same as when they are absent? The president clearly didn't know what he said he knew, and the majority of America now thinks of him as dishonest, and rightfully so.

Now, Vic Flametardi is trying sputteringly to read a policy statement about wiretapping from 1940, for pete's sake, as a defense of Bush's illegal wiretapping starting in 2001. That, when even a hermit in the middle of the Sahara now knows about the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act passed in 1978. On what planet is authority given in 1940 a defense for a federal crime committed in 2001?

Even as precedent, it's incredibly weak. FISA was written to put wiretapping into a legal framework, to prevent abuses like those of disgraced Republican president Nixon. Vic knows that. At least, I hope he does. I usually treat him as a rational actor, but science has known of cases where people whose brains have been eaten away by a tumor or disease are able to appear almost normal to the casual observer. I'm not sure, though, that such a malady would also cause a normal man's voice to distort into a high-pitched whine...

JC

NASCOOTER

Vic found this cart at a flea market and offered them $2 for it. After he was granted permission to re-enter the flea market grounds he asked if he could have side bars put on the little trailer in the back for Bush to ride in. “This will be great” Vic said. “Bush is really going to like me now, maybe I will be an appointment in his cabinet. I’m soooo great. I’ll be the King’s personal escort (court jester?)” I gotta kick that damn Gannon out of the way so Bush can ride in it, don’t think there is room for two, well, maybe they will just take one space, ohhhhhhhhh that was badddd” I can let Oh Soozanna ride in it too. That’s her in the picture, aint she cute???”

“Well, I gotta go wash and polish the cart. Gotta make it purty for GW. He doesnt need any more dirt.----- oh, there I go again.”

"Then I’m going to a Bush rally, with Sooz in the rear. Oops. Bye you losers, think about me in my beautiful $3 cart. I don’t have much money to spend. I spend all my time in Paltalk, guess I need to get a job someday”

Submitted by dee_texas

BRAGGADOCIO FELLATIO?

It was nearly a wild west showdown last night in the liberal view. I think the room was spoiling for bloodshed, and nellyandlynn was eager to throw down with the big boys. Eager, that is, until the brawling bruisers stepped up to crack their knuckles and pick up the gauntlet. Check out how nellyandlynn comes out swinging, and then limps away whimpering:

nellyandlynn: I could debate you one on one, in real life, and I bet you would turn your mind around
walksthedesert1: lets try nelly here and now
Athena_1066: nelly...you can barely put a sentence togther.....
Athena_1066: lol....
5of7: lol
dee_texas: lol
MaryLou_2004: lol
nellyandlynn: Not with all of your Dumb ass Liberal Views standing behind you with their Minds..I said ONE ON ONE
nellyandlynn: did YOU NOT HEAR ME?
walksthedesert1: roflmao i didnt think so nelly
nellyandlynn: Lets go into a pm
Jesus Claus: nelly, you'd embarrass yourself trying to debate me
nellyandlynn: a private room
nellyandlynn: come on
nellyandlynn: lets go
Athena_1066: nelly.....you said you could take anyone on......so get to the mic you stupid bitch....otherwise....shut the fuck up
walksthedesert1: we both know you could never debate me
gofigure_1: my my nelly....whats the matter...u not have any of your damn cronies in her to back u up
Athena_1066: let's go right now
Athena_1066: right here
nellyandlynn: Come on Walks, lets take this on
walksthedesert1: here and now nelly debates are not done in private
nellyandlynn: why not Walks?
Athena_1066: nelly is too fucking cowardly to debate in a chat room.....
Athena_1066: lmao
nellyandlynn: Are you a chicken shit? do you need BACKUP?
Athena_1066: typical idiot
gofigure_1: that is a private conversation nelly....NOT A DEBATE
gofigure_1: nelly...r u a chicken shit ... u need BACKUP
Jesus Claus: i'm sure the room would like to have walks and nelly debate
corporal clegg: my moneys on athena
walksthedesert1: nelly is too afraid to debate
dee_texas: nelly is having a bad hair day
Paycheck: Putting my $$$ on Athena too
patty_64: walks nelly wants to debate in private so she can say she won no witnesses
nellyandlynn: Walks, someday, when you get brave enough to talk to Me one on One, and quit Acting like this BOLD WIZARD OF OZ, behind CLose Doors, Lets Discuss OK?
Athena_1066: nelly is too busy sucking vic's tiny pecker.....her stupid mouth is busy right now....
walksthedesert1: lololol yes
walksthedesert1: nelly i want to debate thats what you said
walksthedesert1: now you tuck tail and run away
nellyandlynn: Nelly doesn't suck cock...you might, he doesn't
walksthedesert1: you are a coward nelly
nellyandlynn: coward my Ass, I am a person that doesn't like listening to People that don't listen to Both sides
Athena_1066: well....that silly cow said she could take anyone on........
gofigure_1: nelly u r the one that called walks on....so be a damn adult and bring it on
walksthedesert1: nelly we all just saw your cowardice
gofigure_1: sure did walks
nellyandlynn: Walks just because I don't open my Mouth on the Mic, does not make me a coward...does it?
patty_64: so true walks
nellyandlynn: I just dont' want to add to your FIGHTS in this room
walksthedesert1: nelly you called me out now you are backsteping = cowardice
nellyandlynn: 0
MaryLou_2004: you have done it before nellylynn
gofigure_1: nelly...u r the one that started the damn fights in here...YOU r the one that started the name calling....
Betty1861: you bring it on your self nelly tsk tsk

Clearly, the room was ready for some arena combat. Hell, most rooms will let two people pass the mic for a one on one, but nellyandlynn wasn't having it. She (and we can only guess at which deformed head of that conjoined monstrosity was typing last night) wanted to have a private debate. At first, we thought is was so no one would bear witness to her inevitable defeat. But, take a look at how nellyandlynn starts flirting:

nellyandlynn: walks, goodnight you sad pathetic old man
walksthedesert1: run away nelly
patty_64: nelly you are a coward so stop flooding the text with your lies that you cannot prove
nellyandlynn: get LAID Walks, and that might make you a HAPPY MAN someday
gofigure_1: LOL nelly nelly....u coward....run run run u little child
plastermaster: bye Nelly...sweet dreams of all the dead Iraqi children....hope ya sleep well
walksthedesert1: nellyi get laid every night
nellyandlynn: I bet Walks lost his PECKER in VIETNAM and that is why he is SOOOOOOOOO ANGERED
SpiritoftheRuins: how typical of these nuts...to nelly its about getting laid, to roamer its about jesus
gofigure_1: nelly...that was fucking damn well cruel...u asshole
walksthedesert1: i thought you was leaving nelly
Betty1861: nelly tsk tsk tsk
SpiritoftheRuins: that's how nelly supports troops
WhiteRoseSociety: shame on Nelly. Go on the Fox show
nellyandlynn: Leaving to have sex Walks.....LMAO....think about us having an Awesome Sexual experience like you do always, as you suck on your MIC

Hmm. Now I think nellyandlynn might have challenged walks to a debate as an overture for a little menage a trois. I think I may have to crack open my skull and brillo-pad my cerebral cortex smooth to scrape out the awful image of nellyandlynn spawning with itself. Oh, my...all the...tentacles...the slime...what is that thing...no, no...stay away...it's looking at me, IT'S LOOKING AT ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

JC

STUDENT86 DE-FUCTO DE-FACTO

Every now and again, when you think you’ve heard it all on PT, a new neocon nitwit steps out of the primordial ooze and deposits what is seemingly the most perfect turd. Student86, a neocon turd-polisher apprentice who devotes the majority of his time to disrupting intelligent conversation, landed his 2,000 pound fecal pellet right smack dab in the middle of 2 Way Street, where it dominated all conversation for the ensuing 2 hours. Let’s cut to the chase:

student86: the UN headquarters is in a major American city for a reason
student86: because we are the de-facto capital of humanity
student86: we ended the anarchial concert of nations
Semantics_In_A_Hat: Ever heard of Westphalia, Student?
vacreeper2003: the de-facto capital of humanity - hey student - what the *@#& is that supposed to mean - please, tell us
Semantics_In_A_Hat: What if we add the words "Treaty of"?
student86: semantics, how does it feel knowing that the US spearheaded the entire world order that rules the world?
student86: Recommended reading for the liberal nutballs in the room: The Bretton Woods Protocols
student86: Semantics, you simply cannot come to grasp with the fact that we are the world's leader

Is this guy serious? Vacreeper2003 gave student86 the opportunity to explain exactly what the “de-facto capital of humanity” was; however, no response was forthcoming. The debate in the room denigrated into a pissing match between the “Yanks” and the “Europeans” arguing the finer points of who did the most to win WWII.

All that can be said for student86’s utterly ridiculous comments is that it’s the typical neocon deranged arrogance that lends itself to solidifying the United States’ “most hated nation on earth” status. These comments, typical coming from a Bushite neocon, have all the trappings of very limited brainpower - hauteur, trivial, brash - pretty much speak for themselves. What is not self-engaging is why anyone with a conscience would hold such drivel in such high regard. So, for those of us who prefer to steer clear of the embarrassment of atheletes tongue, we simply consider the source, close our mouths, and avoid the fungal spores.

While it appears student86 is progressing satisfactorily in his PoliSci 101 class, it’s clear he knows squat about history and the role it plays in politics and international relations. Student86 is clearly incapable of undocking his head from his rectum and immersing himself in the required intellectual activity so heady a subject as world domination demands; but, predictably, he thrives in tunnel-vision. His comments are so wanting of intellectual value, it’s difficult to believe he’s enrolled, as he puts it, “in a MA program, dumbass.” What’s scary about "selectual-intellectual" figures like student86 is this: if this is the depth and scope of the critical thinking his “MA program, dumbass” espouses; America truly is in deep guano.

We here at the Rattler suggest student86 stick to playing RISK, and leave “de-facto” world domination to the “de-facto” politicians, diplomats, and warriors who "de-facto" matter, dumbass!

Vacreeper2003

THE BOY WITH THE X-RAY EYES

Well, I think that us in the upstate NY area are over the sickness that Bush brought when he visited our area. Using the x ray vision given to me by the powers that be I saw the people in the room he was in getting sick and dying inside. Its the similar sight that comes to the innocent people of any chat room when Vic or Brutelogic comes in. Only I am immune to the sickness.

I know how they operate in there. Vic will open a room for them to meet and then he gives them their orders on which who goes to what room and who says what to what group. They do this every night. Be forewarned what their methods are and be prepared to fight back.

To Vic and his group of jackasses:
"i see through your lies with my bionic eyes."

As always it has been your pleasure.
Zombie

PS: I think we need to stop bending over and kissing the democrats' ass on here and be objective to the mistakes made by both parties and call them on it.

FAIRY TALES

I don't even know why I bother to post this quote that just appeared in the room. It is such a precise example of complete breathtaking naivety and lack of self-knowledge that I fear no one will believe me when I post it. At first when you see this quote, you will be convinced that I am making it up. Rest assured, though, that this line of text that just appeared at approximately 7:30 PM EST in 2 Way Politics is accurate in every respect, and will be reproduced here exactly as it originally appeared. If necessary, I can produce eyewitnesses.

I must warn you in advance, however, that you may wish to swallow or spit out any milk or soda you may be drinking, as reading this quote may result in an unfortunate expulsion of liquid out of your nose. If you are sitting across from someone dear to you, you may wish to ask them to move, so that you do not spray them with soggy Cheerios. We now present the quote in its entirety:

Christocracy: I'm not a religious nut

Fucking hell, I just got that Ironymeter replaced!

JC

SOME DAYS ARE DIAMONDS..USS CAINE day 2

Such fertile fields tonight that I am compelled to add to the file .... Again, the USS CAINE began again its weary track of minesweeping thru waters not only threatened by natural causes but by the true lunacy of some of the crew....this time the Captains hat was appropriated by Voo, that quintessential Queeg of all ships... Voo was summoned by his Bosun Hi falutin and her assistant Glama (unfortunately, dentureless for the duration) as reserve combatant status.

Upon striding to the bridge, sweeping the OOD aside, kicking the steersman to the deck, Voo took the helm amid much screaming and howling, and proceeded to run the Caine into the dock and immediately back out again, leaving a 20 foot gouge in the dock and a rather large hole in the side of the Caine. This posed no problem to Voo ( Queeg) as he had the steersman to put on a summary charge, and also the crew's shirttails to tuck in, as the Caine slowly proceeded (unsteered )backwards..

Again, a holy screech of terror from Captain Voo ( Queeg) which led him to dance completely round the bridge 3 times once he realised the Caine was turning in a circle and about to cut his own docking lines... folks,., I tell you, it made me want to join the air force.. by this time the entire crew was a babbling blithering band of buggered brothers, all trying to clamber into the lifeboats ,Bosun Hi falutin stuttering some mantra about the 'fukn lebanese' , Boatswain Glama simply droolingly incoherent, some idiot called Student crying 'Captain, Captain , what about my leave papers?? '.... Captain Voo(Queeg) had to be carried to his cabin and fed ice cream by tube, his little stress marbles rattling fiercely as the OOD and CPO hauled the Caine out of the shipping channel and round behind a large rock.

DAME ALFIE MELBA SINGS AGAIN

Last century, a large very white elderly opera singer named Dame Nellie Melba ( she of peche melba fame) was the toast of the opera world..she had one habit that drove Australians mad, though, she just wouldnt leave the stage,... long after the polite applause , she still stood, hand on large bosom, trilling away...the audience strolled out, the musicians packed up, the stage hands went home, .....and so it is with Alfie.. a congenital drongo from Dingbat, QLD, Hi Falutins husband, I understand.

Alfie's overture is a recorded preamble which always starts basso profundo with..'its none of my business but'.... and it goes on from there, Alfie singing contralto about his imaginary 'military service'... ( the AU army has rigid mental health checks , I need say no more) about his long experiences as a dole bludger, about his pet rock, about his past prostate op. a long expose of his bowel surgery, the adventures of his elderly mother at Lawn Bowls, his recent election to the board of the Dingbat Darts committee , his sole appearance at the Dingbat Town Hall, where he was insultingly spoken to harshly by Sgt Desmond Donk for piddling on the walls of the Council Chambers and summarily ejected.......etc.. you get the drift..

Singing chorus to Dame Alfie's aria is some poor old biddy called Glama.. a more inapt handle would be hard to find... Glama has, in some recent past, suffered a stroke, which makes her words beyond understanding to most, plus a lack of dentures, and sad to say, she also has a sort of laughing affliction.. this is a huge worry to listeners as each gasp seems like the last.. its a chilling experience.. on the one hand, one prays for a quick end, on the other, one wonders about her neighbors.

Hi Falutin plays all the small roles, in costumes varying from Pinochio to the Nut cracker, with a finale duo of Glama and Hi screeching away with the standard ending of ' .you fucking muzzie' etc etc etc.... . well. folks... I just cant write it.. suffice to say, its hideous.. hideous... so awful, like a snake swallowing an antelope , that ono and I were both driven to apologise . silly us.

APB: FOR BRUTELOGIC

The grad student murder has almost been solved and we can all rest for wacky criminals walking the street, at least for now. However, this morning we pick up on an ALL Points Bulletin that an ex-convict is running around paltalk. You can spot him out by his outrageous comments supporting George Bush and the republican party. He has been known to frequent the Social issues rooms but has been seen in the Adult Playground room, specifically "Gay and United, Get some Get some, Boy Aint it Fun"

DO not approach him, he is armed with a headset.

Please everyone be careful and watch the text.

BOUNCING AUSSIES

I found this picture of High Falutin, fighting against the fair dinkum values that most aussies hold. I was going to make up a story about it, but I was goaded into posting something real quick. eheheh

I AIN'T NEED NO EDUMACATION

Sometimes the jokes write themselves:

crabfisherman: lol, Cheap attacks is all you offer Claus.
crabfisherman: Your no writer
crabfisherman: Your a rambling idiot.
Jesus Claus: I'm a good enough writer to know that it's "you're", not "your"
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: you're = you are
crabfisherman: whats wrong with your ?
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahaha
crabfisherman: I been useing your fer 45 years
Jesus Claus: classic
crabfisherman: I am not changing now.
crabfisherman: I am sticking with your
Jesus Claus: your is possessive, dumb ass
Jesus Claus: your car
crabfisherman: and ?
Jesus Claus: your butt plug
Jesus Claus: so what does the sentence "your a loser" mean?
Jesus Claus: my a loser?
crabfisherman: L
Jesus Claus: i own a loser?
Jesus Claus: it's incoherent
crabfisherman: It means you are a loser.
Jesus Claus: no
crabfisherman: It is easy for me to understand.
Jesus Claus: you're a loser means that
crabfisherman: yes
Jesus Claus: your a loser is incoherent
crabfisherman: it does
crabfisherman: Incoherent to you
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahaha
crabfisherman: Bit I understand fully what the conveyor is trying to say.
Jesus Claus: ok, but you busted my brand new Irony meter by typing "your no writer"
Jesus Claus: that was fucking funny
crabfisherman: It should be you're no writer ?
bayarea1979: "You aint no writer"
crabfisherman: yea
crabfisherman: You aint no writer
Jesus Claus: any of those would be acceptable
crabfisherman: Mark Twaine was horable at english but he was an excellent writer
Jesus Claus: horable?

Most of you don't realize this, but crabfisherman's lack of education, generally dim demeanor, and pungent stench all have an interesting explanation. You see, crab was born to an aristocratic family in a small European country. His parents had high hopes that he would distinguish himself as a cultured and intelligent man. They eagerly perused catalogs from exclusive boarding schools as the infant crawled around the many rooms of their mansion. One fateful night, however, would change crabfisherman's destiny forever.

His parents wished to go on a vacation one summer, and so the family boarded a ship bound for the Strait of Gibralter and a leisurely cruise around the Mediterrenean. Sadly, this idyllic vacation was not to be. The ship was caught in a fierce storm, and was whipped and smashed against rocky shoals, sinking into the deep. All were lost, except for one: the infant crabfisherman. He was saved by a pod of jellyfish, and was raised as one of them. He grew taller, and was taught the ways of crabbing by his new family.

Today, we know this poor soul as crabfisherman. You can even detect his disgusting odor as he sluices into a PT room. You must forgive him his foul stench, and his paltry grasp of the english language. Raised among the sea creatures, he had virtually no exposure to normal human beings. He tries very hard to fit in, but as you can see from the above, his efforts are largely comical and unsuccessful. It seems as though he has been exposed later in life to conservative rhetoric, and it shows. He is obviously struggling to imitate political dialogue as best he can, and it is hard not to feel sad as he pitifully attempts to turn the few political slogans he managed to acquire into a full-fledged persona. In the end, his lack of education is painfully exposed, and he is left stunned and gasping.

Wait, there, in the distance, he's paddled out and rejoined his fellow jellyfish. I think he'll be more comfortable among his own kind. Some things were just not meant to be. Farewell, crabfisherman, and please, don't come back soon.

JC

THE CREEPING MENACE

Some of you may have noticed that The Rattler has added a few names to our masthead. We are, of course, proud and honored to have peppi and Nephilim join us. Two finer minds could hardly be found in all of PalTalk (and even considering the general lack of wit and learning in PT, our new writers would shine brightly even if they were not being compared to as addlebrained a population as exists in Social Issues).

There is, however, a sinister new development that must be addressed to ensure the security of this fine institution. It has not gone unnoticed that several of our writers share something of a common bond, a membership in a mysterious and possibly malevolent faction. Rumors have run rampant, and the growing danger is now too prevalent and intrusive to ignore.

Yes, my friends, several of the writers at The Rattler have now been revealed to be...Australians. I know, I know, I can tell by your slightly audible gasps that this dark secret is as shocking and scandalous to you as it was on that damnable day when the truth was finally revealed to me. I'm sure that now you are filled with questions. Who are these people we call Australians? What is it they want from us? What occult and cryptic master do they ultimately serve?

Unfortunately, it is not yet known how many implanted sentinels of this hidden force walk among us. Several of the writers already on staff may well be themselves Australian sympathizers. If our two new writers turn out to have some connection to this shadowy organization, who knows what fate is in store for us all? All that we can do, all that any of us can ever do, is remain vigilant. I will await further developments. Be safe, everyone, and be ever watchful. You can never be sure who is indeed the enemy within...

JC

ARTICLE 185 NAV REGS

Listening to Christocracy is an exercise in Runic translation, mostly.. it's just that lately he has somehow morphed a chatroom into the wardroom of the USS Caine.. He has adopted a certain Captain Queegish persona in that unfortunate's last days...a problem at the Sorbonne?? Queeg ( christocracy)begins to fill up the gallon tin with sand instead of strawberries and measures out the serves, muttering the count.The outcome doesn't fit the theory, so a new tangent begins.. count the keys, since the pantry must have been burgled.. and so on.. Problem in the Senate?? stop the water to the officers, and set up a court martial... one only hopes that Christocracy isn't doing this while strolling around stark naked as Queeg did. All this while the Caine is in submarine waters , the barometer is dropping , the sea is an oily heave and the sky has green glints around it... http://www.pulitzer.org/ The Caine Mutiny by Herman Wouk (Doubleday) 1952 prizewinner.

ABORIGINES FAN FLAME OF PROTEST.

By Jane Holroyd and Peter Ker

March 13, 2006 * the Age Newspaper*

IT WAS illegal to light fires across most of Victoria yesterday, but police, firefighters and City of Melbourne park rangers looked on as smoke billowed up among the trees in Kings Domain.

The smoke came from a sacred healing fire blessed by local Boonerwrung elders and lit from ashes from Canberra's Aboriginal tent embassy. It marked the start of a protest camp against what indigenous rights activists have dubbed "the Stolenwealth Games".

The camp, organised by the Black GST group, is 600 metres from Government House, where the Queen will stay after opening the Commonwealth Games on Wednesday night. The State Government and the Black GST had attempted to co-operate on a site but could not reach agreement.

Police confirmed there were no arrests at the campsite yesterday, and the fact that officers did not intervene despite the fire ban indicated the State Government has decided on a softly-softly approach for now. The group plans to camp at Kings Domain for the duration of the Games. Camp fire-keeper Robert Corowa said he hoped the Queen and Premier Steve Bracks would visit protesters. "We're inviting them because we want them to heal themselves and to become part of Aboriginal Australia." He said the Queen needed to tackle issues of compensation and repatriation for Australia's Aboriginal people.

Park rangers instructed where tents could be pitched safely (though illegally), while firefighters stopped by to make sure that the sacred fire would not become unmanageable. Senior Sergeant Bob Scarborough, said normal police patrols would be conducted in Kings Domain during the Games. He had earlier received rapturous applause from about 250 protesters when he accepted an invitation to place gum leaves on the fire.

"We've had cordial dialect with the organisers and we hope that continues," he said. "At this stage we can't see why there would be any issues but the police will continue to monitor it."
The Black GST also plans to stage a protest march through the city on Wednesday, hoping to attract a crowd of 20,000 to draw attention away from Government-sponsored events on the first day of the Games.

MY PET FLY

Sometimes i hear an annoying high pitched whine when I come online. Something like the sound Scooter Libby will be making as Patrick Fitzgerald clamps down on his testicles and begins to twist. I look around the room to see where this warbling, yodeling screech is coming from. Let's see, Virginia_1776 is spoon-deep in a half gallon of Rocky Road, so it can't be her. Ricochet Rebel still has his hand on his dead-man's switch wired up to a belt of Oscar Meyer weiners. Can't be that...

Oh, wait, I see it now! My pet fly, VIC_FERRARI_FOREVER, is on the mic. This detestable parasite won't stop buzzing around my head. I didn't notice before because his reedy falsetto is rapidly moving out of the range of frequencies detectable by the human ear. If stray dogs are whining and rubbing their paws over their ears, you can be sure Vic's whine is turned on full blast. I'm pretty sure that, for each 10 point drop in Bush's approval, Vic's voice has jumped a full 1000 Hz.

After 9/11, Vic sounded almost like his testicles were mid-descent. Speech sounds are clustered between 500 and 2000 Hz, so Vic might have been able to pass for fully grown adult male with Bush polling in the 80's. As that number began its inexorable descent, Vic's tenor tones were squeezed from his throat, into alto, soprano, falsetto, and beyond. At this point, shunned by most normal humans and unable to find gainful employment, Vic could probably aid his local sheriff's department by posing as an 11-year old girl on phone calls to sting pedophiles. Although, I can't imagine Alabama has much of a pedophilia problem, what with the healthy and diverse sheep population.

At this point, Vic's squeal can knock bats out of the air at a hundred yards. I think the NSA is likely to begin testing Vic's vocal assault as a nonlethal battlefield weapon. Hey, remember those stories about the Pentagon testing a new Gay bomb to cause soldiers to drop their weapons and get Brokeback with each other? That's probably what the Vicolator 2000 is for. A 30 second blast will shrivel up a normal man's testes into his abdomen, and cause testosterone to hemorrhage out his eyeballs. One can only shudder to think what effect Vic is having by using his squeal daily so close to his own body...

JC

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE

I was stumbling around the internet, and found this joke. Many a truth is said in jest...

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally, I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent the night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss.

"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking . . . "

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But, Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as a college professor, and college professors don't make any money. So if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.

"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I registered to vote as a Republican.

OMGROTFLMAOKTHXBYE!

JC

PACKED LIKE SARDINES

How many wingnuts can you stuff into a clown car? We are finding out tonight. Get a load of this cavalcade of dumbassery: Ditzy DreamingCali, terminally dishonest Ten_Ken, the empathically deficient JohnDJacoby, the phlegmatic politicalrealist, the odious Brutelogic, and the emptyheaded JesSeado. Lurking in the corner is MrArchieBunker, racist eliminationist saltspring, and the vapid Virginia_1776. Maybe the KKK meeting let out early. I'll bet they ran out of crosses to burn.

I am glad of one thing. At least Angell Heart is sitting quietly for once. Having to listen to that screech is among the worst tortures known to mankind. M14-slamfire and captaincrunch72 are usually quiet, and we can be thankful that they are continuing that trend. I think this is about as dense as the room has ever been with wingnuts, and you can easily tell. The text is thick with excuses for Bush's failures, and every line that appears seems to be yet another futile explanation for where the WMDs have gone, or where they were in the first place, or how Saddam used his mighty Islamo-Transmogrifier to turn the WMDs into poinsettias when everyone was looking, and then back into razor-backed metal serpents with WMDs in their bellies and laser blaster beams mounted on their heads once the coast was clear.

Apparently we are now to believe that Saddam was a Scooby Doo villain, and that Bush and his band of plucky detectives unmasked him for what he was. Let me tell you, I can well imagine Bush in the Shaggy role, as his tragic befuddlement far more befits a doped out hippie than a world leader. "I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you pesky kids!" Saddam cried as the police lead him away. And Bush, Rummy, Condi, and the whole gang laugh and laugh. And then the wingnuts woke up. In the real world, Bush is a liar and a coward. Better you go back to sleep. Keep dreaming that the whole country loves Dubya. We'll wake you up right after we win the November elections. We promise.

JC

MOST DANGEROUS GAME

THE SEDUCTION OF INDIA - beware fools playing geopolitics!....The world's biggest and most dangerous game is being played by the United States in India - and there's a reasonable suspicion that at least half the players are fools. The United States' hypocritical nuclear deal signed yesterday is just one step in a plan to promote India as America's proxy against both Islam and China, a role fraught with danger for absolutely everyone.

The cornerstone of real politick is "my enemy's enemy is my friend" - and thus the Bush administration is desperate to befriend India. The great danger is that the Republicans' Washington will promote an adversarial role for India against America's great foes. Left to its own devices, if not its prejudices, India (and the world) would have a better future if the two most populous nations and the second and third most populous religions pursued non-adversarial co-operation and friendship. That is a very difficult hope, but the last thing the world needs is the born-again neo-cons whipping up and supporting age-old rivalries.

The United States' unnatural ally of convenience, Pakistan, of course wants the same civilian nuclear deal. Neither India nor Pakistan has signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. Bush is breaking the nuclear club's own rules in a bid to make up for the cold shoulder shown to India throughout the Cold War, but doing the same thing for Pakistan is much harder.What worries the US most is that its alliance with Pakistan is based on a military dictatorship remaining in control of an unstable Islamic nation that is at best ambivalent about the US. For all of Washington's bluster, it knows that an Islamic nation it doesn't really trust already has the bomb. The United States tried but failed to entice India to join its Iraq adventure.

If you want something really big to worry about instead of our piddly local politics, consider that eventually the Americans will happily promote whatever forces within India might be interested in fighting its wars for it and garrisoning the Middle East. What India's leadership must be extremely wary of is the inevitable American courtship of India's military. The seduction can be powerful. Already, the money markets are assisting - the Indian stock market hit a record on the signing of the nuclear deal.

Australia will do its little bit for American policy as usual - John Howard is off to New Delhi next week. The trip is purported to be about trade, but Malaysian media interestingly homes in on the "strategic" angle: "Australian Prime Minister John Howard, who will embark on a four-day visit to India next week, has said that 'more energy' needed to be put into bilateral ties for 'general strategic reasons'."

SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT

Can any Bushbot renounce their Fearless Leader? We put the theory to the test this morning in RAAZ's Mainstream Politics room (not to be confused with the ten thousand other iterations of MSP over the years...). As most of the denizens of the room stretched out and sunned themselves on virtual rocks, OhSoozanna was determined to prove us wrong about Bushbots.

I finished up on mic by telling Sooz and the other wingnut hyenas in the pack that Bush backers were compelled to back Bush in all things and on all topics. I wonder if Bush intentionally flip flops from one position to its polar opposite just to revel as his followers howl and twitch with the cognitive dissonance.

Sooz was no different. She took the mic, and immediately began complaining that the evil Libs were always making assumptions about what wingnuts believe. So I asked her, very simply:

"Tell us one thing you think Bush has gotten wrong, Sooz."

Panic. She knows she's caught. She complains more, but the room is giggling now.

"Listen, there are plenty of things I disagree with Bush on..."
"So, name one. Tell us one thing."
"Well, um...I didn't like Clinton either..."

Oh, man, here we go again. Give a wingnut a little leeway and they immediately pull out the Clinton Penis and start sucking. We expected better of you, OhSoozanna. Hell, who are we kidding. This is exactly what we expected of you.

JC

YOU'VE BEEN EATEN BY A GRUE!

I stumbled across this hilarious blog post at Defective Yeti. It's a Zork-style text adventure starring Dubya. What's that they say about a million chimps typing on a million typewriters...

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure
Revision 88 / Serial number 54892

Oval Office
You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> LOOK MIRROR
Self-reflection is not your strong suit.

> PET SEAL
It's not that kind of seal.

> EXAMINE CHAIRS
They are two several chairs arranged around the center of the room, along with two couches. Under one couch you find Clinton's shoes.

> FILL SHOES
You are unable to fill Clinton's shoes.

...

Go read the rest. You'll be glad you did.

JC

DOES IT SMELL LIKE BOTTOM FEEDER IN HERE?

I don't know what would possess a person who doesn't know anything about current events to troll in a political chat room. You'd think that if you didn't bother to keep informed on the latest twists and turns in politics, you'd be wasting your time trying to pretend that your opinion matters. A wise man once said, "Whereof one cannot speak, thereon one must remain silent." It's too bad some people can't take this simple advice. Let's take a look at how this conversation went regarding the Dubai ports deal:

"Haven't you heard that Treasury Secretary John Snow stands to vest 33 million dollars in CSX stock options if this deal goes through? Don't you think that is sufficient motive to tank the mandatory 45 day security review?"

"I own several fishing boats."

"Ooooook, what about David Sanborn, another high level executive for both CSX and DPW, who was appointed to head the Maritime Administration suspiciously close to the time this deal was being finalized?"

"I retired as a millionaire at age 44. I can name thirty seven different types of crab."

"So, you really have no knowledge of this port deal at all, do you? You're just wasting our time."

"You're a loser, and women find the smell of crustacean irresistible."

Well, that was just about it. Listen, crabby, if we want information about fishing, (assuming you have any) we'll let you know. But when knowledgable people are discussing politics, keep your mouth shut.

JC

QUALITY ASSURANCE

This is a difficult topic to discuss under the best of circumstances. Anyone who has a friend or family member struggling with a debilitating condition knows that everyday is a stomach-wrenching ordeal, waiting for the spinning plates to crash down into catastrophe. Sometimes, the most vital skill is knowing when it's time to intervene.

Back when we began this blog as a sister publication to The Tattler, we had hoped that by parodying the name, we'd be able to entertain our readers by poking fun at the hypocrisy and foolishness of PT wingnuts. And as long as The Tattler blazed a trail of razor-sharp sarcasm and mockery, there was no reason to be anything but proud of continuing the legacy.

That is why it is so unfortunate now that we have to recognize what has become apparent to everyone. And perhaps we allowed our affection to blind us to the downward spiral, so that we were the last to admit it even to ourselves. But now it can no longer be denied: The Tattler is going the way of the Hindenburg, collapsing into inferno.

I suppose the first real sign I had recognized for myself was the Hitler incident with Karl d-Az. I'm sure you noticed the same thing I did. In his inept attempt to attack Karl, the Tattler instead betrayed an inexplicable affection for both Nazi Germany and Adolf Hitler himself. I know I'm not the only person who sees that this can only be the product of a diseased and deteriorating mind, perhaps ravaged by decades of severe drug abuse.

Now, there are those who will say that the Tattler still maintains a healthy web traffic level, and this may well be true. But only the most stubborn fans will be unable to see that this level of traffic is more due to the morbid human desire to see the twisted metal and blood-spattered pavement while passing a horrific accident than to any real appreciation or respect. In closing, all I can say is that up until this point we were proud to carry a title that satired The Tattler, our sister publication. I can only hope that the author of the Tattler can be convinced to alter his own title before the damage to our brand becomes irreperable.

JC

GIVE TO A WORTHY CAUSE

I think I'd like to inaugurate the first ever Rattler fund raising drive with a truly worthy cause. I don't know how many of you have met HopelessRomantic4U, but this unfortunate man has a devastating and tragic condition that only your generous donations can help.

HR is, like many conservatives, a victim of the compulsion to use words he cannot define. We have all seen just today that, while discussing the amount and type of aid we give to poorer citizens, including job assistance, welfare, and healthcare, HR is compelled to label his opponents as "socialists" or as people who "want socialism." This is such an obvious error that it can only be due to HR's unfortunate circumstances.

That is why I'm asking all PT'ers to give whatever you can to buy this poor boy a dictionary, so that he will no longer plague himself or us with his blatant ignorance. I could well define socialism right here for HR, but, as we all know, "Give a man a fish..." Only you can help elevate this pitiful wngnut out of his miserable mental incapacity. Thank you.

JC

I WONDER IF HE CAN BALANCE A CHECKBOOK?

HoplessRomantic4U seems to be on a veritable crusade to prove conclusively how little he knows in multiple fields. I know that most conservatives are ignorant and have poor reasoning ability when it comes to politics, but it is always a treat when a wingnut is eager to show how little he understands economic policy as well. What's next, HR4U, will you display your ignorance of art history? How about burning a few dishes cooking for us? Oh, I know, maybe you can demonstrate your ignorance of biology by arguing for Intelligent Design theory. We always enjoy your clowning.

Hopeless was blathering about the economy as I opened the room this morning. He was trying to claim, as wingnuts frequently do, that Bush inherited a recession from Clinton. Now I've heard this lie enough to have gone and researched it for myself. The National Bureau of Economic Research is the accepted body for marking when recessions begin and end. According to them:

A recession is a significant decline in activity spread across the economy, lasting more than a few months, visible in industrial production, employment, real income, and wholesale-retail trade. A recession begins just after the economy reaches a peak of activity and ends as the economy reaches its trough. Between trough and peak, the economy is in an expansion. Expansion is the normal state of the economy; most recessions are brief and they have been rare in recent decades.

So, a recession officially begins when the economy reaches a peak, continues as the economy shrinks, and the end is marked when the economy hits a trough or lowest point, and turns back upward into growth. So, what did Hopeless try to claim on the mic? He said, "A recession is two or more quarters of negative growth, so if the recession started in March of 2001, that means that when you look BACK from then, the beginning of the two quarters was in Clinton's term!" Um...sorry, no:

The NBER's Business Cycle Dating Committee has determined that a peak in business activity occurred in the U.S. economy in March 2001. A peak marks the end of an expansion and the beginning of a recession. The determination of a peak date in March is thus a determination that the expansion that began in March 1991 ended in March 2001 and a recession began. The expansion lasted exactly 10 years, the longest in the NBER's chronology

...

The Business Cycle Dating Committee of the National Bureau of Economic Research met yesterday. At its meeting, the committee determined that a trough in business activity occurred in the U.S. economy in November 2001. The trough marks the end of the recession that began in March 2001 and the beginning of an expansion. The recession lasted 8 months, which is slightly less than average for recessions since World War II.

So, according to the big boys in the know, the economy grew for 10 years, from 1991 to 2001. Then in March 2001 the economy turned down from its peak, and shrank until November 2001. Hopeless, hopelessly outmanuvered, then tried to redefine words:

HopelessRomantic4U: THE PEAK OF THE LOSS IS THE TROUGH OF THE GROWTH
HopelessRomantic4U: THE PEAK IN THIS CASE IS THE LOWEST PART OF THE CURVE

What? Did that make any sense to anyone? The peak is the lowest? What the hell is he trying to say? To be honest, he seemed so terribly overmatched, I just let him drop it right there without pinning him to the wall with his ridiculous claims. He knew there was nowhere to turn, and the blade was about to fall. I let him walk away with some dignity. Don't say I never did anything for you, HR.

JC