PALTALK OFFICE POOL

If there's one thing Social Issues has enough of, it's freakish familial dysfunction. But if there's one thing Social Issues can use more of, it's gambling. And now we can combine the two into one majestic yet hideous mutation. That's right, it's the PALTALK LATENT PSYCHOSIS OFFICE POOL!

Generally, an office pool is set up as a grid of possible scores for football games, with participants throwing in ten bucks or so per square. A lot of times, though, it's entertaining to lay wagers on when Scott in Marketing is going to nail Beth in Accounts Receivable, with bonuses awarded for correctly predicting where in the building it will occur. (My money's on the 3rd floor copier room) And who doesn't enjoy betting on when that twitchy typist on 11 will finally snap and run through the cube farm, ripping her clothes off and screaming about the spiders in her arms? Oh yeah, good times, good times.

Naturally, since PalTalk software is specifically designed to filter out sane people, we get some real loony tunes scudding through the muddy waters of SI. And no one recently has been more surly, more venomous, and more agitated than jay_156. I don't know why, but whenever he's around, the word "meth-head" just pops up. Sure, he's a nasty piece of shit now, but what happened to turn a happy little toddler into the raving ball of animate bile we know as jay_156?

Ladies and gentlemen, we are taking wagers now. Just ten little dollars gets you a guess at our question:

"What happened to mess up jay_156 so badly?"

The guesses so far:

• Jesus Claus - Repeated molestation by circus clown.
• Alexavier777 - Locked in basement with breadcrumbs and a rat for a pet.
• S. - Steadily brainwashed by his TV and convinced that the world outside was too depressing to face, so went insane and made up fantasy world. Now fires vitriol at anyone challenging fantasy.
• Cardinal Fang - Repeatedly teased by garden gnomes creating a phobia.
• zipperdedoodah - Was forced to wear a chastity belt throughout his teen years.
• BaBaGaNews - He was put into a room full of condoms as a child.
• BooDuh - His problems stem from A TOTALLY UNREASONABLE FEAR OF INFORMATION. He undoubtedly was molested by an oversexed nymphomaniac nun in middle school. The molestation probably lasted three or four years, resulted in at least two abortions, and an overwhelming sense of guilt because it was so damn much fun. (There is a possibility that the nun turned out to be his birth mother.) Add to that the fact that the nun was a dominatrix and sadist. After she cut his dick off during a particularly enjoyable episode, she fried it and fed it to Jay in a Danish Pastry.
• RG Swan - Tragically, jay's sister grew up and was able to outrun him, so he spent his teen years horny and frustrated.
• Mystic Sea Maiden - Never recovered emotionally after he lost his high school sweetheart. He rolled her over onto a thumbtack and the paramedics were unable to reinflate her.
• classic_chik - Jay is shaken to the core over the information revealed in the Da Vinci Code, which could prove the very existance of the Merovingians, yes his true identity, a descendent of Jesus Christ, he is in fear of being discovered and he may not be able to protect the bloodline now and keep it pure, in hope of one day returning to Jerusalem to rule again in the name of Christ. Jay may hide in paltalk forever........attempting to fool us all with his unholy words .....Could he be the Master of the priory of Sion?
  

If you'd like to get in on the action, you know where to find me.

JC