BRAGGADOCIO FELLATIO?

It was nearly a wild west showdown last night in the liberal view. I think the room was spoiling for bloodshed, and nellyandlynn was eager to throw down with the big boys. Eager, that is, until the brawling bruisers stepped up to crack their knuckles and pick up the gauntlet. Check out how nellyandlynn comes out swinging, and then limps away whimpering:

nellyandlynn: I could debate you one on one, in real life, and I bet you would turn your mind around
walksthedesert1: lets try nelly here and now
Athena_1066: nelly...you can barely put a sentence togther.....
Athena_1066: lol....
5of7: lol
dee_texas: lol
MaryLou_2004: lol
nellyandlynn: Not with all of your Dumb ass Liberal Views standing behind you with their Minds..I said ONE ON ONE
nellyandlynn: did YOU NOT HEAR ME?
walksthedesert1: roflmao i didnt think so nelly
nellyandlynn: Lets go into a pm
Jesus Claus: nelly, you'd embarrass yourself trying to debate me
nellyandlynn: a private room
nellyandlynn: come on
nellyandlynn: lets go
Athena_1066: nelly.....you said you could take anyone on......so get to the mic you stupid bitch....otherwise....shut the fuck up
walksthedesert1: we both know you could never debate me
gofigure_1: my my nelly....whats the matter...u not have any of your damn cronies in her to back u up
Athena_1066: let's go right now
Athena_1066: right here
nellyandlynn: Come on Walks, lets take this on
walksthedesert1: here and now nelly debates are not done in private
nellyandlynn: why not Walks?
Athena_1066: nelly is too fucking cowardly to debate in a chat room.....
Athena_1066: lmao
nellyandlynn: Are you a chicken shit? do you need BACKUP?
Athena_1066: typical idiot
gofigure_1: that is a private conversation nelly....NOT A DEBATE
gofigure_1: nelly...r u a chicken shit ... u need BACKUP
Jesus Claus: i'm sure the room would like to have walks and nelly debate
corporal clegg: my moneys on athena
walksthedesert1: nelly is too afraid to debate
dee_texas: nelly is having a bad hair day
Paycheck: Putting my $$$ on Athena too
patty_64: walks nelly wants to debate in private so she can say she won no witnesses
nellyandlynn: Walks, someday, when you get brave enough to talk to Me one on One, and quit Acting like this BOLD WIZARD OF OZ, behind CLose Doors, Lets Discuss OK?
Athena_1066: nelly is too busy sucking vic's tiny pecker.....her stupid mouth is busy right now....
walksthedesert1: lololol yes
walksthedesert1: nelly i want to debate thats what you said
walksthedesert1: now you tuck tail and run away
nellyandlynn: Nelly doesn't suck cock...you might, he doesn't
walksthedesert1: you are a coward nelly
nellyandlynn: coward my Ass, I am a person that doesn't like listening to People that don't listen to Both sides
Athena_1066: well....that silly cow said she could take anyone on........
gofigure_1: nelly u r the one that called walks on....so be a damn adult and bring it on
walksthedesert1: nelly we all just saw your cowardice
gofigure_1: sure did walks
nellyandlynn: Walks just because I don't open my Mouth on the Mic, does not make me a coward...does it?
patty_64: so true walks
nellyandlynn: I just dont' want to add to your FIGHTS in this room
walksthedesert1: nelly you called me out now you are backsteping = cowardice
nellyandlynn: 0
MaryLou_2004: you have done it before nellylynn
gofigure_1: nelly...u r the one that started the damn fights in here...YOU r the one that started the name calling....
Betty1861: you bring it on your self nelly tsk tsk

Clearly, the room was ready for some arena combat. Hell, most rooms will let two people pass the mic for a one on one, but nellyandlynn wasn't having it. She (and we can only guess at which deformed head of that conjoined monstrosity was typing last night) wanted to have a private debate. At first, we thought is was so no one would bear witness to her inevitable defeat. But, take a look at how nellyandlynn starts flirting:

nellyandlynn: walks, goodnight you sad pathetic old man
walksthedesert1: run away nelly
patty_64: nelly you are a coward so stop flooding the text with your lies that you cannot prove
nellyandlynn: get LAID Walks, and that might make you a HAPPY MAN someday
gofigure_1: LOL nelly nelly....u coward....run run run u little child
plastermaster: bye Nelly...sweet dreams of all the dead Iraqi children....hope ya sleep well
walksthedesert1: nellyi get laid every night
nellyandlynn: I bet Walks lost his PECKER in VIETNAM and that is why he is SOOOOOOOOO ANGERED
SpiritoftheRuins: how typical of these nuts...to nelly its about getting laid, to roamer its about jesus
gofigure_1: nelly...that was fucking damn well cruel...u asshole
walksthedesert1: i thought you was leaving nelly
Betty1861: nelly tsk tsk tsk
SpiritoftheRuins: that's how nelly supports troops
WhiteRoseSociety: shame on Nelly. Go on the Fox show
nellyandlynn: Leaving to have sex Walks.....LMAO....think about us having an Awesome Sexual experience like you do always, as you suck on your MIC

Hmm. Now I think nellyandlynn might have challenged walks to a debate as an overture for a little menage a trois. I think I may have to crack open my skull and brillo-pad my cerebral cortex smooth to scrape out the awful image of nellyandlynn spawning with itself. Oh, my...all the...tentacles...the slime...what is that thing...no, no...stay away...it's looking at me, IT'S LOOKING AT ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

JC

STUDENT86 DE-FUCTO DE-FACTO

Every now and again, when you think you’ve heard it all on PT, a new neocon nitwit steps out of the primordial ooze and deposits what is seemingly the most perfect turd. Student86, a neocon turd-polisher apprentice who devotes the majority of his time to disrupting intelligent conversation, landed his 2,000 pound fecal pellet right smack dab in the middle of 2 Way Street, where it dominated all conversation for the ensuing 2 hours. Let’s cut to the chase:

student86: the UN headquarters is in a major American city for a reason
student86: because we are the de-facto capital of humanity
student86: we ended the anarchial concert of nations
Semantics_In_A_Hat: Ever heard of Westphalia, Student?
vacreeper2003: the de-facto capital of humanity - hey student - what the *@#& is that supposed to mean - please, tell us
Semantics_In_A_Hat: What if we add the words "Treaty of"?
student86: semantics, how does it feel knowing that the US spearheaded the entire world order that rules the world?
student86: Recommended reading for the liberal nutballs in the room: The Bretton Woods Protocols
student86: Semantics, you simply cannot come to grasp with the fact that we are the world's leader

Is this guy serious? Vacreeper2003 gave student86 the opportunity to explain exactly what the “de-facto capital of humanity” was; however, no response was forthcoming. The debate in the room denigrated into a pissing match between the “Yanks” and the “Europeans” arguing the finer points of who did the most to win WWII.

All that can be said for student86’s utterly ridiculous comments is that it’s the typical neocon deranged arrogance that lends itself to solidifying the United States’ “most hated nation on earth” status. These comments, typical coming from a Bushite neocon, have all the trappings of very limited brainpower - hauteur, trivial, brash - pretty much speak for themselves. What is not self-engaging is why anyone with a conscience would hold such drivel in such high regard. So, for those of us who prefer to steer clear of the embarrassment of atheletes tongue, we simply consider the source, close our mouths, and avoid the fungal spores.

While it appears student86 is progressing satisfactorily in his PoliSci 101 class, it’s clear he knows squat about history and the role it plays in politics and international relations. Student86 is clearly incapable of undocking his head from his rectum and immersing himself in the required intellectual activity so heady a subject as world domination demands; but, predictably, he thrives in tunnel-vision. His comments are so wanting of intellectual value, it’s difficult to believe he’s enrolled, as he puts it, “in a MA program, dumbass.” What’s scary about "selectual-intellectual" figures like student86 is this: if this is the depth and scope of the critical thinking his “MA program, dumbass” espouses; America truly is in deep guano.

We here at the Rattler suggest student86 stick to playing RISK, and leave “de-facto” world domination to the “de-facto” politicians, diplomats, and warriors who "de-facto" matter, dumbass!

Vacreeper2003

THE BOY WITH THE X-RAY EYES

Well, I think that us in the upstate NY area are over the sickness that Bush brought when he visited our area. Using the x ray vision given to me by the powers that be I saw the people in the room he was in getting sick and dying inside. Its the similar sight that comes to the innocent people of any chat room when Vic or Brutelogic comes in. Only I am immune to the sickness.

I know how they operate in there. Vic will open a room for them to meet and then he gives them their orders on which who goes to what room and who says what to what group. They do this every night. Be forewarned what their methods are and be prepared to fight back.

To Vic and his group of jackasses:
"i see through your lies with my bionic eyes."

As always it has been your pleasure.
Zombie

PS: I think we need to stop bending over and kissing the democrats' ass on here and be objective to the mistakes made by both parties and call them on it.

FAIRY TALES

I don't even know why I bother to post this quote that just appeared in the room. It is such a precise example of complete breathtaking naivety and lack of self-knowledge that I fear no one will believe me when I post it. At first when you see this quote, you will be convinced that I am making it up. Rest assured, though, that this line of text that just appeared at approximately 7:30 PM EST in 2 Way Politics is accurate in every respect, and will be reproduced here exactly as it originally appeared. If necessary, I can produce eyewitnesses.

I must warn you in advance, however, that you may wish to swallow or spit out any milk or soda you may be drinking, as reading this quote may result in an unfortunate expulsion of liquid out of your nose. If you are sitting across from someone dear to you, you may wish to ask them to move, so that you do not spray them with soggy Cheerios. We now present the quote in its entirety:

Christocracy: I'm not a religious nut

Fucking hell, I just got that Ironymeter replaced!

JC

SOME DAYS ARE DIAMONDS..USS CAINE day 2

Such fertile fields tonight that I am compelled to add to the file .... Again, the USS CAINE began again its weary track of minesweeping thru waters not only threatened by natural causes but by the true lunacy of some of the crew....this time the Captains hat was appropriated by Voo, that quintessential Queeg of all ships... Voo was summoned by his Bosun Hi falutin and her assistant Glama (unfortunately, dentureless for the duration) as reserve combatant status.

Upon striding to the bridge, sweeping the OOD aside, kicking the steersman to the deck, Voo took the helm amid much screaming and howling, and proceeded to run the Caine into the dock and immediately back out again, leaving a 20 foot gouge in the dock and a rather large hole in the side of the Caine. This posed no problem to Voo ( Queeg) as he had the steersman to put on a summary charge, and also the crew's shirttails to tuck in, as the Caine slowly proceeded (unsteered )backwards..

Again, a holy screech of terror from Captain Voo ( Queeg) which led him to dance completely round the bridge 3 times once he realised the Caine was turning in a circle and about to cut his own docking lines... folks,., I tell you, it made me want to join the air force.. by this time the entire crew was a babbling blithering band of buggered brothers, all trying to clamber into the lifeboats ,Bosun Hi falutin stuttering some mantra about the 'fukn lebanese' , Boatswain Glama simply droolingly incoherent, some idiot called Student crying 'Captain, Captain , what about my leave papers?? '.... Captain Voo(Queeg) had to be carried to his cabin and fed ice cream by tube, his little stress marbles rattling fiercely as the OOD and CPO hauled the Caine out of the shipping channel and round behind a large rock.

DAME ALFIE MELBA SINGS AGAIN

Last century, a large very white elderly opera singer named Dame Nellie Melba ( she of peche melba fame) was the toast of the opera world..she had one habit that drove Australians mad, though, she just wouldnt leave the stage,... long after the polite applause , she still stood, hand on large bosom, trilling away...the audience strolled out, the musicians packed up, the stage hands went home, .....and so it is with Alfie.. a congenital drongo from Dingbat, QLD, Hi Falutins husband, I understand.

Alfie's overture is a recorded preamble which always starts basso profundo with..'its none of my business but'.... and it goes on from there, Alfie singing contralto about his imaginary 'military service'... ( the AU army has rigid mental health checks , I need say no more) about his long experiences as a dole bludger, about his pet rock, about his past prostate op. a long expose of his bowel surgery, the adventures of his elderly mother at Lawn Bowls, his recent election to the board of the Dingbat Darts committee , his sole appearance at the Dingbat Town Hall, where he was insultingly spoken to harshly by Sgt Desmond Donk for piddling on the walls of the Council Chambers and summarily ejected.......etc.. you get the drift..

Singing chorus to Dame Alfie's aria is some poor old biddy called Glama.. a more inapt handle would be hard to find... Glama has, in some recent past, suffered a stroke, which makes her words beyond understanding to most, plus a lack of dentures, and sad to say, she also has a sort of laughing affliction.. this is a huge worry to listeners as each gasp seems like the last.. its a chilling experience.. on the one hand, one prays for a quick end, on the other, one wonders about her neighbors.

Hi Falutin plays all the small roles, in costumes varying from Pinochio to the Nut cracker, with a finale duo of Glama and Hi screeching away with the standard ending of ' .you fucking muzzie' etc etc etc.... . well. folks... I just cant write it.. suffice to say, its hideous.. hideous... so awful, like a snake swallowing an antelope , that ono and I were both driven to apologise . silly us.

APB: FOR BRUTELOGIC

The grad student murder has almost been solved and we can all rest for wacky criminals walking the street, at least for now. However, this morning we pick up on an ALL Points Bulletin that an ex-convict is running around paltalk. You can spot him out by his outrageous comments supporting George Bush and the republican party. He has been known to frequent the Social issues rooms but has been seen in the Adult Playground room, specifically "Gay and United, Get some Get some, Boy Aint it Fun"

DO not approach him, he is armed with a headset.

Please everyone be careful and watch the text.

BOUNCING AUSSIES

I found this picture of High Falutin, fighting against the fair dinkum values that most aussies hold. I was going to make up a story about it, but I was goaded into posting something real quick. eheheh

I AIN'T NEED NO EDUMACATION

Sometimes the jokes write themselves:

crabfisherman: lol, Cheap attacks is all you offer Claus.
crabfisherman: Your no writer
crabfisherman: Your a rambling idiot.
Jesus Claus: I'm a good enough writer to know that it's "you're", not "your"
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: you're = you are
crabfisherman: whats wrong with your ?
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahaha
crabfisherman: I been useing your fer 45 years
Jesus Claus: classic
crabfisherman: I am not changing now.
crabfisherman: I am sticking with your
Jesus Claus: your is possessive, dumb ass
Jesus Claus: your car
crabfisherman: and ?
Jesus Claus: your butt plug
Jesus Claus: so what does the sentence "your a loser" mean?
Jesus Claus: my a loser?
crabfisherman: L
Jesus Claus: i own a loser?
Jesus Claus: it's incoherent
crabfisherman: It means you are a loser.
Jesus Claus: no
crabfisherman: It is easy for me to understand.
Jesus Claus: you're a loser means that
crabfisherman: yes
Jesus Claus: your a loser is incoherent
crabfisherman: it does
crabfisherman: Incoherent to you
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahaha
crabfisherman: Bit I understand fully what the conveyor is trying to say.
Jesus Claus: ok, but you busted my brand new Irony meter by typing "your no writer"
Jesus Claus: that was fucking funny
crabfisherman: It should be you're no writer ?
bayarea1979: "You aint no writer"
crabfisherman: yea
crabfisherman: You aint no writer
Jesus Claus: any of those would be acceptable
crabfisherman: Mark Twaine was horable at english but he was an excellent writer
Jesus Claus: horable?

Most of you don't realize this, but crabfisherman's lack of education, generally dim demeanor, and pungent stench all have an interesting explanation. You see, crab was born to an aristocratic family in a small European country. His parents had high hopes that he would distinguish himself as a cultured and intelligent man. They eagerly perused catalogs from exclusive boarding schools as the infant crawled around the many rooms of their mansion. One fateful night, however, would change crabfisherman's destiny forever.

His parents wished to go on a vacation one summer, and so the family boarded a ship bound for the Strait of Gibralter and a leisurely cruise around the Mediterrenean. Sadly, this idyllic vacation was not to be. The ship was caught in a fierce storm, and was whipped and smashed against rocky shoals, sinking into the deep. All were lost, except for one: the infant crabfisherman. He was saved by a pod of jellyfish, and was raised as one of them. He grew taller, and was taught the ways of crabbing by his new family.

Today, we know this poor soul as crabfisherman. You can even detect his disgusting odor as he sluices into a PT room. You must forgive him his foul stench, and his paltry grasp of the english language. Raised among the sea creatures, he had virtually no exposure to normal human beings. He tries very hard to fit in, but as you can see from the above, his efforts are largely comical and unsuccessful. It seems as though he has been exposed later in life to conservative rhetoric, and it shows. He is obviously struggling to imitate political dialogue as best he can, and it is hard not to feel sad as he pitifully attempts to turn the few political slogans he managed to acquire into a full-fledged persona. In the end, his lack of education is painfully exposed, and he is left stunned and gasping.

Wait, there, in the distance, he's paddled out and rejoined his fellow jellyfish. I think he'll be more comfortable among his own kind. Some things were just not meant to be. Farewell, crabfisherman, and please, don't come back soon.

JC

THE CREEPING MENACE

Some of you may have noticed that The Rattler has added a few names to our masthead. We are, of course, proud and honored to have peppi and Nephilim join us. Two finer minds could hardly be found in all of PalTalk (and even considering the general lack of wit and learning in PT, our new writers would shine brightly even if they were not being compared to as addlebrained a population as exists in Social Issues).

There is, however, a sinister new development that must be addressed to ensure the security of this fine institution. It has not gone unnoticed that several of our writers share something of a common bond, a membership in a mysterious and possibly malevolent faction. Rumors have run rampant, and the growing danger is now too prevalent and intrusive to ignore.

Yes, my friends, several of the writers at The Rattler have now been revealed to be...Australians. I know, I know, I can tell by your slightly audible gasps that this dark secret is as shocking and scandalous to you as it was on that damnable day when the truth was finally revealed to me. I'm sure that now you are filled with questions. Who are these people we call Australians? What is it they want from us? What occult and cryptic master do they ultimately serve?

Unfortunately, it is not yet known how many implanted sentinels of this hidden force walk among us. Several of the writers already on staff may well be themselves Australian sympathizers. If our two new writers turn out to have some connection to this shadowy organization, who knows what fate is in store for us all? All that we can do, all that any of us can ever do, is remain vigilant. I will await further developments. Be safe, everyone, and be ever watchful. You can never be sure who is indeed the enemy within...

JC

ARTICLE 185 NAV REGS

Listening to Christocracy is an exercise in Runic translation, mostly.. it's just that lately he has somehow morphed a chatroom into the wardroom of the USS Caine.. He has adopted a certain Captain Queegish persona in that unfortunate's last days...a problem at the Sorbonne?? Queeg ( christocracy)begins to fill up the gallon tin with sand instead of strawberries and measures out the serves, muttering the count.The outcome doesn't fit the theory, so a new tangent begins.. count the keys, since the pantry must have been burgled.. and so on.. Problem in the Senate?? stop the water to the officers, and set up a court martial... one only hopes that Christocracy isn't doing this while strolling around stark naked as Queeg did. All this while the Caine is in submarine waters , the barometer is dropping , the sea is an oily heave and the sky has green glints around it... http://www.pulitzer.org/ The Caine Mutiny by Herman Wouk (Doubleday) 1952 prizewinner.

ABORIGINES FAN FLAME OF PROTEST.

By Jane Holroyd and Peter Ker

March 13, 2006 * the Age Newspaper*

IT WAS illegal to light fires across most of Victoria yesterday, but police, firefighters and City of Melbourne park rangers looked on as smoke billowed up among the trees in Kings Domain.

The smoke came from a sacred healing fire blessed by local Boonerwrung elders and lit from ashes from Canberra's Aboriginal tent embassy. It marked the start of a protest camp against what indigenous rights activists have dubbed "the Stolenwealth Games".

The camp, organised by the Black GST group, is 600 metres from Government House, where the Queen will stay after opening the Commonwealth Games on Wednesday night. The State Government and the Black GST had attempted to co-operate on a site but could not reach agreement.

Police confirmed there were no arrests at the campsite yesterday, and the fact that officers did not intervene despite the fire ban indicated the State Government has decided on a softly-softly approach for now. The group plans to camp at Kings Domain for the duration of the Games. Camp fire-keeper Robert Corowa said he hoped the Queen and Premier Steve Bracks would visit protesters. "We're inviting them because we want them to heal themselves and to become part of Aboriginal Australia." He said the Queen needed to tackle issues of compensation and repatriation for Australia's Aboriginal people.

Park rangers instructed where tents could be pitched safely (though illegally), while firefighters stopped by to make sure that the sacred fire would not become unmanageable. Senior Sergeant Bob Scarborough, said normal police patrols would be conducted in Kings Domain during the Games. He had earlier received rapturous applause from about 250 protesters when he accepted an invitation to place gum leaves on the fire.

"We've had cordial dialect with the organisers and we hope that continues," he said. "At this stage we can't see why there would be any issues but the police will continue to monitor it."
The Black GST also plans to stage a protest march through the city on Wednesday, hoping to attract a crowd of 20,000 to draw attention away from Government-sponsored events on the first day of the Games.

MY PET FLY

Sometimes i hear an annoying high pitched whine when I come online. Something like the sound Scooter Libby will be making as Patrick Fitzgerald clamps down on his testicles and begins to twist. I look around the room to see where this warbling, yodeling screech is coming from. Let's see, Virginia_1776 is spoon-deep in a half gallon of Rocky Road, so it can't be her. Ricochet Rebel still has his hand on his dead-man's switch wired up to a belt of Oscar Meyer weiners. Can't be that...

Oh, wait, I see it now! My pet fly, VIC_FERRARI_FOREVER, is on the mic. This detestable parasite won't stop buzzing around my head. I didn't notice before because his reedy falsetto is rapidly moving out of the range of frequencies detectable by the human ear. If stray dogs are whining and rubbing their paws over their ears, you can be sure Vic's whine is turned on full blast. I'm pretty sure that, for each 10 point drop in Bush's approval, Vic's voice has jumped a full 1000 Hz.

After 9/11, Vic sounded almost like his testicles were mid-descent. Speech sounds are clustered between 500 and 2000 Hz, so Vic might have been able to pass for fully grown adult male with Bush polling in the 80's. As that number began its inexorable descent, Vic's tenor tones were squeezed from his throat, into alto, soprano, falsetto, and beyond. At this point, shunned by most normal humans and unable to find gainful employment, Vic could probably aid his local sheriff's department by posing as an 11-year old girl on phone calls to sting pedophiles. Although, I can't imagine Alabama has much of a pedophilia problem, what with the healthy and diverse sheep population.

At this point, Vic's squeal can knock bats out of the air at a hundred yards. I think the NSA is likely to begin testing Vic's vocal assault as a nonlethal battlefield weapon. Hey, remember those stories about the Pentagon testing a new Gay bomb to cause soldiers to drop their weapons and get Brokeback with each other? That's probably what the Vicolator 2000 is for. A 30 second blast will shrivel up a normal man's testes into his abdomen, and cause testosterone to hemorrhage out his eyeballs. One can only shudder to think what effect Vic is having by using his squeal daily so close to his own body...

JC

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE

I was stumbling around the internet, and found this joke. Many a truth is said in jest...

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally, I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent the night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss.

"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking . . . "

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But, Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as a college professor, and college professors don't make any money. So if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.

"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I registered to vote as a Republican.

OMGROTFLMAOKTHXBYE!

JC

PACKED LIKE SARDINES

How many wingnuts can you stuff into a clown car? We are finding out tonight. Get a load of this cavalcade of dumbassery: Ditzy DreamingCali, terminally dishonest Ten_Ken, the empathically deficient JohnDJacoby, the phlegmatic politicalrealist, the odious Brutelogic, and the emptyheaded JesSeado. Lurking in the corner is MrArchieBunker, racist eliminationist saltspring, and the vapid Virginia_1776. Maybe the KKK meeting let out early. I'll bet they ran out of crosses to burn.

I am glad of one thing. At least Angell Heart is sitting quietly for once. Having to listen to that screech is among the worst tortures known to mankind. M14-slamfire and captaincrunch72 are usually quiet, and we can be thankful that they are continuing that trend. I think this is about as dense as the room has ever been with wingnuts, and you can easily tell. The text is thick with excuses for Bush's failures, and every line that appears seems to be yet another futile explanation for where the WMDs have gone, or where they were in the first place, or how Saddam used his mighty Islamo-Transmogrifier to turn the WMDs into poinsettias when everyone was looking, and then back into razor-backed metal serpents with WMDs in their bellies and laser blaster beams mounted on their heads once the coast was clear.

Apparently we are now to believe that Saddam was a Scooby Doo villain, and that Bush and his band of plucky detectives unmasked him for what he was. Let me tell you, I can well imagine Bush in the Shaggy role, as his tragic befuddlement far more befits a doped out hippie than a world leader. "I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you pesky kids!" Saddam cried as the police lead him away. And Bush, Rummy, Condi, and the whole gang laugh and laugh. And then the wingnuts woke up. In the real world, Bush is a liar and a coward. Better you go back to sleep. Keep dreaming that the whole country loves Dubya. We'll wake you up right after we win the November elections. We promise.

JC

MOST DANGEROUS GAME

THE SEDUCTION OF INDIA - beware fools playing geopolitics!....The world's biggest and most dangerous game is being played by the United States in India - and there's a reasonable suspicion that at least half the players are fools. The United States' hypocritical nuclear deal signed yesterday is just one step in a plan to promote India as America's proxy against both Islam and China, a role fraught with danger for absolutely everyone.

The cornerstone of real politick is "my enemy's enemy is my friend" - and thus the Bush administration is desperate to befriend India. The great danger is that the Republicans' Washington will promote an adversarial role for India against America's great foes. Left to its own devices, if not its prejudices, India (and the world) would have a better future if the two most populous nations and the second and third most populous religions pursued non-adversarial co-operation and friendship. That is a very difficult hope, but the last thing the world needs is the born-again neo-cons whipping up and supporting age-old rivalries.

The United States' unnatural ally of convenience, Pakistan, of course wants the same civilian nuclear deal. Neither India nor Pakistan has signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. Bush is breaking the nuclear club's own rules in a bid to make up for the cold shoulder shown to India throughout the Cold War, but doing the same thing for Pakistan is much harder.What worries the US most is that its alliance with Pakistan is based on a military dictatorship remaining in control of an unstable Islamic nation that is at best ambivalent about the US. For all of Washington's bluster, it knows that an Islamic nation it doesn't really trust already has the bomb. The United States tried but failed to entice India to join its Iraq adventure.

If you want something really big to worry about instead of our piddly local politics, consider that eventually the Americans will happily promote whatever forces within India might be interested in fighting its wars for it and garrisoning the Middle East. What India's leadership must be extremely wary of is the inevitable American courtship of India's military. The seduction can be powerful. Already, the money markets are assisting - the Indian stock market hit a record on the signing of the nuclear deal.

Australia will do its little bit for American policy as usual - John Howard is off to New Delhi next week. The trip is purported to be about trade, but Malaysian media interestingly homes in on the "strategic" angle: "Australian Prime Minister John Howard, who will embark on a four-day visit to India next week, has said that 'more energy' needed to be put into bilateral ties for 'general strategic reasons'."

SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT

Can any Bushbot renounce their Fearless Leader? We put the theory to the test this morning in RAAZ's Mainstream Politics room (not to be confused with the ten thousand other iterations of MSP over the years...). As most of the denizens of the room stretched out and sunned themselves on virtual rocks, OhSoozanna was determined to prove us wrong about Bushbots.

I finished up on mic by telling Sooz and the other wingnut hyenas in the pack that Bush backers were compelled to back Bush in all things and on all topics. I wonder if Bush intentionally flip flops from one position to its polar opposite just to revel as his followers howl and twitch with the cognitive dissonance.

Sooz was no different. She took the mic, and immediately began complaining that the evil Libs were always making assumptions about what wingnuts believe. So I asked her, very simply:

"Tell us one thing you think Bush has gotten wrong, Sooz."

Panic. She knows she's caught. She complains more, but the room is giggling now.

"Listen, there are plenty of things I disagree with Bush on..."
"So, name one. Tell us one thing."
"Well, um...I didn't like Clinton either..."

Oh, man, here we go again. Give a wingnut a little leeway and they immediately pull out the Clinton Penis and start sucking. We expected better of you, OhSoozanna. Hell, who are we kidding. This is exactly what we expected of you.

JC

YOU'VE BEEN EATEN BY A GRUE!

I stumbled across this hilarious blog post at Defective Yeti. It's a Zork-style text adventure starring Dubya. What's that they say about a million chimps typing on a million typewriters...

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure
Revision 88 / Serial number 54892

Oval Office
You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

> INVADE IRAQ
You are not able to do that, yet.

> LOOK MIRROR
Self-reflection is not your strong suit.

> PET SEAL
It's not that kind of seal.

> EXAMINE CHAIRS
They are two several chairs arranged around the center of the room, along with two couches. Under one couch you find Clinton's shoes.

> FILL SHOES
You are unable to fill Clinton's shoes.

...

Go read the rest. You'll be glad you did.

JC

DOES IT SMELL LIKE BOTTOM FEEDER IN HERE?

I don't know what would possess a person who doesn't know anything about current events to troll in a political chat room. You'd think that if you didn't bother to keep informed on the latest twists and turns in politics, you'd be wasting your time trying to pretend that your opinion matters. A wise man once said, "Whereof one cannot speak, thereon one must remain silent." It's too bad some people can't take this simple advice. Let's take a look at how this conversation went regarding the Dubai ports deal:

"Haven't you heard that Treasury Secretary John Snow stands to vest 33 million dollars in CSX stock options if this deal goes through? Don't you think that is sufficient motive to tank the mandatory 45 day security review?"

"I own several fishing boats."

"Ooooook, what about David Sanborn, another high level executive for both CSX and DPW, who was appointed to head the Maritime Administration suspiciously close to the time this deal was being finalized?"

"I retired as a millionaire at age 44. I can name thirty seven different types of crab."

"So, you really have no knowledge of this port deal at all, do you? You're just wasting our time."

"You're a loser, and women find the smell of crustacean irresistible."

Well, that was just about it. Listen, crabby, if we want information about fishing, (assuming you have any) we'll let you know. But when knowledgable people are discussing politics, keep your mouth shut.

JC

QUALITY ASSURANCE

This is a difficult topic to discuss under the best of circumstances. Anyone who has a friend or family member struggling with a debilitating condition knows that everyday is a stomach-wrenching ordeal, waiting for the spinning plates to crash down into catastrophe. Sometimes, the most vital skill is knowing when it's time to intervene.

Back when we began this blog as a sister publication to The Tattler, we had hoped that by parodying the name, we'd be able to entertain our readers by poking fun at the hypocrisy and foolishness of PT wingnuts. And as long as The Tattler blazed a trail of razor-sharp sarcasm and mockery, there was no reason to be anything but proud of continuing the legacy.

That is why it is so unfortunate now that we have to recognize what has become apparent to everyone. And perhaps we allowed our affection to blind us to the downward spiral, so that we were the last to admit it even to ourselves. But now it can no longer be denied: The Tattler is going the way of the Hindenburg, collapsing into inferno.

I suppose the first real sign I had recognized for myself was the Hitler incident with Karl d-Az. I'm sure you noticed the same thing I did. In his inept attempt to attack Karl, the Tattler instead betrayed an inexplicable affection for both Nazi Germany and Adolf Hitler himself. I know I'm not the only person who sees that this can only be the product of a diseased and deteriorating mind, perhaps ravaged by decades of severe drug abuse.

Now, there are those who will say that the Tattler still maintains a healthy web traffic level, and this may well be true. But only the most stubborn fans will be unable to see that this level of traffic is more due to the morbid human desire to see the twisted metal and blood-spattered pavement while passing a horrific accident than to any real appreciation or respect. In closing, all I can say is that up until this point we were proud to carry a title that satired The Tattler, our sister publication. I can only hope that the author of the Tattler can be convinced to alter his own title before the damage to our brand becomes irreperable.

JC

GIVE TO A WORTHY CAUSE

I think I'd like to inaugurate the first ever Rattler fund raising drive with a truly worthy cause. I don't know how many of you have met HopelessRomantic4U, but this unfortunate man has a devastating and tragic condition that only your generous donations can help.

HR is, like many conservatives, a victim of the compulsion to use words he cannot define. We have all seen just today that, while discussing the amount and type of aid we give to poorer citizens, including job assistance, welfare, and healthcare, HR is compelled to label his opponents as "socialists" or as people who "want socialism." This is such an obvious error that it can only be due to HR's unfortunate circumstances.

That is why I'm asking all PT'ers to give whatever you can to buy this poor boy a dictionary, so that he will no longer plague himself or us with his blatant ignorance. I could well define socialism right here for HR, but, as we all know, "Give a man a fish..." Only you can help elevate this pitiful wngnut out of his miserable mental incapacity. Thank you.

JC

I WONDER IF HE CAN BALANCE A CHECKBOOK?

HoplessRomantic4U seems to be on a veritable crusade to prove conclusively how little he knows in multiple fields. I know that most conservatives are ignorant and have poor reasoning ability when it comes to politics, but it is always a treat when a wingnut is eager to show how little he understands economic policy as well. What's next, HR4U, will you display your ignorance of art history? How about burning a few dishes cooking for us? Oh, I know, maybe you can demonstrate your ignorance of biology by arguing for Intelligent Design theory. We always enjoy your clowning.

Hopeless was blathering about the economy as I opened the room this morning. He was trying to claim, as wingnuts frequently do, that Bush inherited a recession from Clinton. Now I've heard this lie enough to have gone and researched it for myself. The National Bureau of Economic Research is the accepted body for marking when recessions begin and end. According to them:

A recession is a significant decline in activity spread across the economy, lasting more than a few months, visible in industrial production, employment, real income, and wholesale-retail trade. A recession begins just after the economy reaches a peak of activity and ends as the economy reaches its trough. Between trough and peak, the economy is in an expansion. Expansion is the normal state of the economy; most recessions are brief and they have been rare in recent decades.

So, a recession officially begins when the economy reaches a peak, continues as the economy shrinks, and the end is marked when the economy hits a trough or lowest point, and turns back upward into growth. So, what did Hopeless try to claim on the mic? He said, "A recession is two or more quarters of negative growth, so if the recession started in March of 2001, that means that when you look BACK from then, the beginning of the two quarters was in Clinton's term!" Um...sorry, no:

The NBER's Business Cycle Dating Committee has determined that a peak in business activity occurred in the U.S. economy in March 2001. A peak marks the end of an expansion and the beginning of a recession. The determination of a peak date in March is thus a determination that the expansion that began in March 1991 ended in March 2001 and a recession began. The expansion lasted exactly 10 years, the longest in the NBER's chronology

...

The Business Cycle Dating Committee of the National Bureau of Economic Research met yesterday. At its meeting, the committee determined that a trough in business activity occurred in the U.S. economy in November 2001. The trough marks the end of the recession that began in March 2001 and the beginning of an expansion. The recession lasted 8 months, which is slightly less than average for recessions since World War II.

So, according to the big boys in the know, the economy grew for 10 years, from 1991 to 2001. Then in March 2001 the economy turned down from its peak, and shrank until November 2001. Hopeless, hopelessly outmanuvered, then tried to redefine words:

HopelessRomantic4U: THE PEAK OF THE LOSS IS THE TROUGH OF THE GROWTH
HopelessRomantic4U: THE PEAK IN THIS CASE IS THE LOWEST PART OF THE CURVE

What? Did that make any sense to anyone? The peak is the lowest? What the hell is he trying to say? To be honest, he seemed so terribly overmatched, I just let him drop it right there without pinning him to the wall with his ridiculous claims. He knew there was nowhere to turn, and the blade was about to fall. I let him walk away with some dignity. Don't say I never did anything for you, HR.

JC

THERE IS NO HOPE

I had a fun debate with HopelessRomantic4U this morning. We were talking about Republican corruption in congress, specifically Tom Delay's money laundering and the web of corruption exposed by the guilty plea of Jack Abramoff. The total scope and extent of the discussion was on current GOP malfeasance.

After throwing a few jabs back and forth, and my landing a few solid hits to HR4U's head, we stepped back into our stances before engaging again. Slowly, HR's hand slipped behind his back, and reappeared with the weapon of choice for wingnuts: The Clinton Penis Dildo. Yes, I would say "most feared" weapon, but let's face it, anyone who has to pull this toy out wouldn't be a serious threat to a malnourished Pekingese.

After battering furiously with his tiny fists, dildo clutched between his teeth, HR4U declared victory and escaped. All I remembered was him filling the air with lists of Clinton cronies, and then running around yammering with his fingers stuck in his ears. Later on, he tried to convince the room he'd won the fight:

Jesus Claus: my statement was that you focus too much on Clinton
Jesus Claus: and you refuted it by...flooding text with information about Clinton
Jesus Claus: you're right, you got me...hahahahhahahahha
HopelessRomantic4U: UMM NO YOUR STATEMENT WAS THE CUROPTION CULTURE BEGAN WITH THE REPUBS....
Jesus Claus: no, i said no such thing
Jesus Claus: I said you were ignoring current corruption
HopelessRomantic4U: I WENT TO THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTARTION.... THAT WASNT ENUFF FOR YOU SO I WENT FURTHER BACK
Jesus Claus: and you tried to change the subject
Jesus Claus: you'd LOVE if i tried to claim that
HopelessRomantic4U: THAT WASNT ENUFF YOU CITED CONGRESS ETC..... AND I SHOWED MORE CONGRESS MEN...
Jesus Claus: and you changed the topic as if I had
HopelessRomantic4U: YADA YADA YADA
Jesus Claus: but I hadn't
HopelessRomantic4U: LOL
Jesus Claus: You changed the topic because you DON'T want to focus on current problems
Jesus Claus: NO ONE but you talked about the past
Jesus Claus: NO ONE but you gained by changing the topic
HopelessRomantic4U: TELL YOU WHAT JESUS PUT YOUR CLAIMS ON YOUR BLOG FROM NOW ON SO YOU CANT CHANGE YOUR POSITION WHEN YOUR EXPOSSED
Jesus Claus: ok, whatever you say
Jesus Claus: the whole room saw what you did
HopelessRomantic4U: DUIDE HOW CAN YOU REVISE HISTORY FROM THIS MORNING?
Jesus Claus: YOU brought up the past, not me
HopelessRomantic4U: LOL
Jesus Claus: YOU brought Clinton in, not me
HopelessRomantic4U: I BROUGHTUP THE PAST TO REFUTE YOUR CLAIM
HopelessRomantic4U: LOL
Jesus Claus: what relevance does Clinton have to Tom DeLay's malfeasance?
Jesus Claus: My claim was that Republicans are now corrupt
Jesus Claus: how does the past refute that?
HopelessRomantic4U: HOW CAN YO MAKE A CLAIM THATS X STARTED B AND WHEN SOMEOBN SAYS NO HERE IS PROFF THAT B DID IT EARLIER,, THE STATE THE PERSON CHANGED SUBJECT CAUSE HE BROUGHT UP PAST
HopelessRomantic4U: ;P;
Jesus Claus: You used what is called a TU QUOQUE argument
Jesus Claus: TU QUOQUE means "You too"
HopelessRomantic4U: UMMMM NO
Jesus Claus: You tried to diminish the current GOP wrongdoing by referring to the past deeds of Dems
HopelessRomantic4U: YOU CLAIMED THAT REPUBS STARTED THE CURROPTION CULTURE
Jesus Claus: No, I did no such thing
HopelessRomantic4U: SEE YOU WANT HISTORY TO STOP JANUARY FIRST 2001 ALL DEMS DO
Jesus Claus: think about what you're saying
Jesus Claus: be honest
HopelessRomantic4U: NO I DID NOT DIMINISH NE THING MY POSITION WAS CLEAR
HopelessRomantic4U: IF THEY ARE GUILTY THEY NEED THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW
Jesus Claus: do I sound like a person who has retrograde amnesia starting in 1994?
frank -: Jesus,, the only defense the neo con's have for the bush crimes is clintons penis.
HopelessRomantic4U: NO YOURS STARTS IN 2001
Jesus Claus: do i really sound like a person who is unaware of the crimes of Rostenkowski, etc?
Jesus Claus: be honest with yourself
HopelessRomantic4U: LOL
Jesus Claus: why would you claim that I don't know history?
Jesus Claus: what do you gain by making such a ridiculous claim?
HopelessRomantic4U: UMM NO YOUR THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR I KNOW YOU SPENT ALL DAY TRYING TO FIND A REFUTE FOR ME
Jesus Claus: i seriously don't get it
HopelessRomantic4U: MAYBE YOU SHOUL;D LOOK UP SOME MORE
HopelessRomantic4U: I MADE THE CLAIM THAT YOU WANT TO FORGET ALL PREE 2001 HISTORY
Jesus Claus: you're really embarrassing yourself here
HopelessRomantic4U: IN EFFECT BLAMING BUSH FOR EVERY THING
HopelessRomantic4U: I REALLY DONT THINK SO
Jesus Claus: you're trying to tell the room that I have no memory of Democratic crimes
Jesus Claus: is that your claim?
HopelessRomantic4U: YOU MADE A CLAIM I REFUTED IT
HopelessRomantic4U: HOW IS THAT EMBARRASING?
Jesus Claus: that my memory is faulty?
HopelessRomantic4U: YOU FOR SURE HAVE SELECT6IVE MEMORY
Jesus Claus: your claim is that I can't remember before 1994?
Jesus Claus: is that your claim?
Jesus Claus: i'm just trying to clarify here
HopelessRomantic4U: YOU MADE THE CLAIM THAT THE CULTURE OF CORRUPTION IS RECENT AND REPUBLICAN ONLY
HopelessRomantic4U: I REFUTED THAT... WELL
Jesus Claus: no, i of course did not
Jesus Claus: I said that the current GOP was corrupt
HopelessRomantic4U: NOW WHAT YOU ARE ARGUING IS BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION ATM
Jesus Claus: when did you refute that?
HopelessRomantic4U: UMM YES THAT WAS YOUR CLAIM
Jesus Claus: i can well imagine
Jesus Claus: yes
Jesus Claus: the CURRENT GOP
Jesus Claus: is corrupt
Jesus Claus: IS
Jesus Claus: do I need to define the word "is" for you?
Jesus Claus: would that help?
HopelessRomantic4U: I GUESS I NEED TO START CAMTASIA TO RECORD YOUR WORDS FROM NOW ON SO I CAN USE EM AGAINST YOU WHEN YOU TRY TO CHANGE THE FACTS LATER
Jesus Claus: there was no change here
Jesus Claus: I said "The current GOP is corrupt"
Jesus Claus: you said "Clinton"
Jesus Claus: I said "I know, in the past, Clinton. Let's talk about now."
HopelessRomantic4U: WHAT YOU SAID WAS NOT AS SIMPLE AS THAT lol MOST PEOPLE HERE CAN CONTEST YOU NEVER SAY SOMTHING THAT PLAIN AND SIMPLE
Jesus Claus: so, you'd do better in these debates if i used simpler words for you?
HopelessRomantic4U: NO YOU SAID CLINTON WAS PRESIDENT AND YOU ARE SPEAKING OF CONGRES I REMBER CAUSE I SET YOU UP FOR THAT
HopelessRomantic4U: AND YOU SAID ALL OF CLINTON WAS WITCH HUNTING NE WAY....
HopelessRomantic4U: COMON DUDE YOU CANT REMBER FROM 3 HOURS OR LESS AGO?
Jesus Claus: actually, I said that most of the people you were referencing for Clinton were not in Congress
Jesus Claus: which is accurate
Jesus Claus: we were talking about Congressional corruption
Jesus Claus: you bringing up crimes related to Clinton was actually immediately off topic
HopelessRomantic4U: OK CLOSE ENUFF LOL THEN I SHOWED YOU THE CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRAT RECORD
HopelessRomantic4U: AND YOU WENT INTO A BAY WHINE ABOUT THAT ALL ANCIENT HISTORY
Jesus Claus: But Clintonian arguments are usually safe harbor for conservatives
HopelessRomantic4U: TILL I BROUGHT UP SOME OF EM RECENTLY
HopelessRomantic4U: DUDE YOU WERE EMBARRASED I CANT BELIEV YOU WANT TO RELIVE THIS CONVERSATION
Jesus Claus: we were talking about the lobbying scandals
HopelessRomantic4U: YOU WERE OUT MANUVERED
Jesus Claus: Tom DeLay, Jack Abramoff
HopelessRomantic4U: WHCIH IS EASY CAUSE YOU HAVENT CHANGED YOUR RHETYORIC IN 2 YEARS
Jesus Claus: why would you think items unrelated to the scandal are relevant?
Jesus Claus: why would you imagine that you could win by immediately moving off topic?
Jesus Claus: and why would you think that a classic and blatant TU QUOQUE argument would be successful?
HopelessRomantic4U: YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CHANGED TOPIC REPEADIATLY
HopelessRomantic4U: I NEVER SAID YOU TOO
Jesus Claus: The topic was the congressional lobbying scandals
HopelessRomantic4U: I DIRECTLY REFUTED YOUR CLAIM
Jesus Claus: of COURSE you said YOU TOO
Jesus Claus: that's EXACTLY what you said
Jesus Claus: I said "The GOP is corrupt re:lobbying"
HopelessRomantic4U: JESUS I KNOW YOU SPENT THE LAST HOUR TRYING TO RELIVE THIS CONVERSATION.. TRYING TO REINVENT IT... BUT DUDE GIVE IT UP
Jesus Claus: you said "YOur side is corrupt too"
HopelessRomantic4U: UMM NO YOU DIDNT
Jesus Claus: YOU TOO
Jesus Claus: it's the classic TU QUOQUE
HopelessRomantic4U: LOL YOU JUST CHJANGED WHAT YOU SAID YOU SAID 2 MINS AGO
Jesus Claus: I said "X"
Jesus Claus: you said "your side X too"
Jesus Claus: TU QUOQUE
Jesus Claus: it's a fallacy
HopelessRomantic4U: (1:50 PM) Jesus Claus: I said "The current GOP is corrupt"
Jesus Claus: to defeat "X"
Jesus Claus: you need to argue "Not X"
HopelessRomantic4U: NO JESUS NO
Jesus Claus: not "Your side X too"
Jesus Claus: I say X
Jesus Claus: what did you say?
HopelessRomantic4U: YOU SAID X IS RESPONOSIBLE FOR CREATING CUROPTION
Jesus Claus: did you say Not X?
HopelessRomantic4U: HOW WOULD YOU REFUTE THAT CLAIM?
Jesus Claus: i didn't talk about creating anything
Jesus Claus: i said X
HopelessRomantic4U: BY SHOWING ANOTHER ENTITY PREVIOUSLY SUFFERING FROM IT
Jesus Claus: you didn't say Not X
Jesus Claus: you said "X over there"
Jesus Claus: and "X over yonder"
Jesus Claus: how does that refute X?
HopelessRomantic4U: NO I SAID A B C D E F G H THERE FORE NOT X
HopelessRomantic4U: THATS AN ARGUMENT NOTY X IS A STATEMENT
Jesus Claus: ok, so X = the GOP is corrupt
Jesus Claus: re: lobbying
HopelessRomantic4U: IN OTHER WORDS I USED PREMISES TO BACK UP MY CONCLUSION
HopelessRomantic4U: SOMTHING YOU CANT DO
Jesus Claus: so you're now saying that your agrument led to the conclusion "The GOP is NOT corrupt re:lobbying"?
HopelessRomantic4U: NO YOU SAID THE REPUBLICANS WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CREATION OF TEH CORRUTION IN CONGRESS = X
Jesus Claus: you are claiming that you proved the GOP is NOT corrupt re:lobbying"?
Jesus Claus: no, that is untrue
Jesus Claus: X = the GOP is corrupt re:lobbying
Jesus Claus: and your response was "Look over there!"
HopelessRomantic4U: SEE JESUS AS I SAID AT AN EARLIER DATE YOU HAVE NO CONCEPTION OF LOGIC
Jesus Claus: I just proved you wrong USING logic!
HopelessRomantic4U: NO MY RESPONSE WAS NOT LOOK OVER THERE
Jesus Claus: even as pure logic, your argumeent fails
Jesus Claus: I mean, get serious, guy!
HopelessRomantic4U: NO YOU SAID THE REPUBLICANS WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CREATION OF TEH CORRUTION IN CONGRESS = X
HopelessRomantic4U: HOW WOULD YOU REFUTE THAT ?
Jesus Claus: WHO THE FUCK WOULD CLAIM THAT THE GOP INVENTED CORRUPTION?
Jesus Claus: I CLAIMED THE GOP INVENTED CORRUPTION?!?!?!?
Jesus Claus: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
HopelessRomantic4U: I DERVIDED THAT SHORT PARAPHJRASED RESPONSE FROM YOUR HOUR LONG DIATRIBE MINUTES AT A TIME
Jesus Claus: ok, that's beyond funny
HopelessRomantic4U: UMKM YES YOU WERE CLAIMING THAT......
Jesus Claus: you think I claimed the GOP invented congressional corruption?
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahahahhahah
HopelessRomantic4U: I KNOW ITS FUNNY
HopelessRomantic4U: WHICH IS WHY IT WAS EASY TO DISPUTE
Jesus Claus: yeah, that you'd think that
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahahha
Jesus Claus: oh man, that is priceless

Hell, I wish the debates were all this easy. This was a new tactic to me, as well. HopelessRomantic4U seems to think that I have no memory of congressional scandals before 2001. And, if we're going to be allowed to bring in any prior scandal to defend our positions, then my choice will be the Swartwout-Hoyt scandal, but only because it's fun to say.

JC

TALL TALES AND OTHER WHOPPERS FROM THE TATTLER

Well feed me sauerkraut and dance the Laendler, the Tattler has whipped up a true German culinary delight sure to scoop up this week's Iron Chef award. But the Tattler's piece de resistance ended in utter disaster as he spoiled the evening repast with some mendacious prattle about Hitler’s political affiliations and ruminations of a new and improved “lighter” image of the German dictator’s motives - topped off by some revisionist rot that Hitler's penchant for murder and the extermination of 6 million Jews was in reality an altruistic gesture on behalf of his beleaguered nation, and had absolutely nothing to do with Nazi propaganda purporting Aryan superiority, glorification of a greater German state, and his inveterate anti-Semitism. The soire ended with the Tattler making a feeble attempt to recoup his credibility by blandly stating what the rest of the world has known for 73 years - “Hitler is arguably the greatest monster of all time.” What the Tattler wants you to believe; however, is Hitler was a "liberal monster," and nothing could be more asinine!

What IS crystal clear is that the Tattler’s ersatz sous chef cum historian appears to lack formal training in political theory, not to mention logic. The gist of the Tattler’s argument -

All Liberals are Socialists (A = B)
Hitler was a Socialist (C = B)
Therefore Hitler was a Liberal (C = A)

- is so convoluted as to be reprehensible. What the Tattler fails to convey to his docious devotees is that both premises in his argument are patently FALSE. So, let's jump in the Way-Back Machine and fasten our seat belts, and we'll revisit the Tattler's tawdry tale of Teutonic twaddle.

All liberals are Socialists. This is pure grade-A tautological neocon poop. The Tattler wants it’s adherents to believe that because American Liberals support social programs such as Social Security and Medicare, they’re Marxists ergo Socialists. The Tattler wants its readers to believe that because American Liberals vehemently oppose George Bush’s indiscriminate dismantling of American democracy, we’re Socialists. He wants you to believe that because American Liberals oppose the illegal invasion of a sovereign nation that posed no threat to the United States, that we’re Socialists. And anyone with a functioning brain cell would know that nothing could be further from the truth…except trying to clap Adolph Hitler a Liberal via some neoteric magical transitive property of Socialism. Although it is certainly true that Some A = B, Der Tattler failed to identify that logical possibility in his argument, so we'll have to complete the Tattler's reasoning for him for the sake of covering all the bases. But, the Tattler's premise that A = B is a false premise: A≠B.

Hitler was a Socialist. You’ve got to be off your right wingnut rocker to believe that one, Mr. Tattler. On its face, Fascism is an irrational, palpably conservative political philosophy. It’s an ideology grounded in the capitalization of fear – in Mussolini’s case, the fear of Communism and the fear of the socio-economic turmoil that would be and was the Great Depression. Mussolini promised the Italian people that Fascism would return Italy to the glory days of the Roman Empire, and they swallowed the lie hook, line, and sinker. Hitler didn’t have the rich history that allowed Mussolini to keep Fascism relatively pure in Italy. German Fascism would require a little more ingenuity and a great deal more effort. Enter Nazism - the ideology of fearmongering.

Nazism held firm to the Fascist tenet that the state was the highest achievement of mankind and the efforts of all citizens should be focused on its glorification and sustainment. Hitler needed a convincing battle cry around which to rally the German people, and found a friend in the Eugenics movement that was gaining popularity with the wealthy around the world - but with a twist. Hitler’s assertion that the Aryan race was the “Master Race” and was genetically superior to all other races struck a chord with the bankrupt and demoralized German majority. Conversely, Hitler declared non-Aryans – Semites, Slavs, and social undesirables (homosexuals, gypsies, socialists, communists, liberals, clergy, the disabled, and the infirmed) to be impure, and unworthy of life in a utopian German state, and eventually authorize the savage murders of these groups. Hitler found his Rome, and fearmongering was its superstructure.

I can only conjecture where the Tattler derived the notion that Hitler was a Socialist. His assertion that because Hitler was a Socialist before his rise to power and was therefore a Socialist the day he died is disingenuous at best and belies logic in that the conclusion is a non-sequitur. It is well documented that Nazi dogma, unlike Italian Fascism, proposed to eradicate socio-economic stratification in Germany - a goal shared with Marxist-Leninists; however, for a wholly different reason than the Marxist-Leninists. Nazism viewed class struggle as an unacceptable diversion from glorification of the German state; not an impediment to the advent of a proletarian dictatorship. Nazism supported capitalism (indeed Italian Fascism espoused the concept of the Meritocracy whereby achievement was rewarded over longevity and cronyism) so long as that capitalism served to further the glorification of the state. Lest we forget, Tattler, ol' boy, died-in-the-wool capitalist Grandpappy Prescott Bush served Hitler well and prospered (until the US Congress stopped him) – one must wonder if Gramps Bush donned his old SS uniform to spin a war yarn or two while he bounced little Georgy Boy on is head...I mean ass.

The Tattler's supposition that Hitler was a Socialist flies in the face of settled and accepted historical analysis; empirical evidence suggests the Tattler is plain wrong, and just might have an ulterior motive in proffering such a spurious claim. We call it a false premise: C≠B.

So, in reality, the Tattler’s attempt to debunk JC's very articulate and very convincing argument in “Don’t Know Much about History” [The Rattler dated 4 Mar 06] should look something like this:

No Liberals are Socialists (A ≠ B)
Hitler was not a Socialist (C ≠ B)
Therefore Hitler was a Liberal (C = A)

Or

Some Liberals are Socialists (Some A = B)
Hitler was not a Socialist (C ≠ B)
Therefore Hitler was a Liberal (C = A)

Your conclusion, in both of these cases Monsieur Tattler, is nothing more than a perfunctory attempt to link American Liberals with Hitler – there is not one modicum of logic, not one scrap of truth to your specious argument that Hitler was a Socialist or a Liberal; your deplorable paucity of evidence suggests you really don’t know what you're talking about. You try to hype-up a syllogistic fallacy and pass it off as the truth. The Tattler's argument is disjunctive: Hitler was not the “Liberal” monster you falsely accuse him of being (if anything, Hitler growled and howled in choice neoconese), and American Liberals certainly don't espouse Fascism, Nazism, or Communism.

vacreeper2003

VIC FERRARI, PRINCE OF LIES

Just a quick post to deal with Vic's horseshit:

1. No Vic, Bush did not take the lead on Homeland Security. Lieberman, of all people, proposed a bill creating the DHS, and:

"Bush initially resisted the idea of a new department, which had been championed primarily by Democrats in the wake of the attacks. But Bush embraced the concept in June and used the issue effectively on the campaign trail this past fall, criticizing Democrats who differed with him over the issue of labor rights within the new department."

Sorry, Vic, Bush turned around when the polling turned against him, and smeared opponents on a nonissue instead of focusing on national security.

2. Alito's wife left crying when her husband was being questioned by a Republican and, let's be realistic here, a Supreme Court nomination requires that tough questions be asked. Any conservative who tries to make political hay because Democrats asked probing questions of a potential life-appointee is just a craven little bitch...guess I answered my own question, huh?

JC

APROPOS OF NOTHING

You know, I think Saint Casey of NY is a hell of a guy. If I were president, he'd be the crony I'd appoint to head FEMA. And if I had to feed his carcass to a ravening media as a scapegoat because of the colossal failure of my federal government (and, by extension, my leadership) in responding to a natural disaster, I think I'd feel lousy about destroying the life of such a swell guy. But I'd still do it.

JC

PS - This post was in no way related to Casey's request that I write something nice about him in The Rattler. Any suggestion to the contrary is a scurrilous rumor, and will be dealt with by NSA wiretaps and consignment to indefinite imprisonment in Gitmo.

ALL THIS ATTENTION FOR LITTLE OLD ME?

Well, I certainly got under the skin of The Tattler this time. And believe me, it isn't easy finding a vein in that desiccated, smack-scorched arm. I even rated Shakespeare-caliber invective and double-plus font size. You hardly expect a dried up old wretch like The Tattler to rouse itself for such a tirade. As for the "sister publication" comment, well, we here at the Rattler do what we can for the less fortunate. Admittedly, we did parody the name, but hell, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. The name, we take. The ignorance and the stench, you can keep.

Some little-used, rust-tinged synaptic cleft must have been momentarily flooded with snaps of spark flare and chemical jobbers, because The Tattler, ancient monolith that he is, was moved to expell the full measure of his knowledge of Adolf Hitler. Behold, this droplet from the mighty thimblefull:

Hitler was indeed a socialist...Karl Marx was the socialist, his desire being a classless society...Hitler began as a socialist, even kidnapping the Socialist Party and changing it's name, but he eventually became an extreme capitalist...Hitler wanted and believed he could give the country back to the people...Hitler went on to become a dictator...

These are the very words of The Tattler, and yet he thinks he's made some kind of counterpunch in the debate. This isn't as though The Tattler was in a prize fight with Mike Tyson, and punched himself in his own face. This is him takiing off his gloves and injecting yourself with Potassium Chloride. The whole thrust of my argument was that Hitler called himself a socialist, but lost the plot and became an authoritarian dictator. And Tattler agrees. The fight is over, call the coroner.

The problem here is The Tattler seeming inability to comprehend words in the english language. His grasp of phrases and clauses, I'll leave to other researchers to delve into. How is it even possible for The Tattler to hold these contradictory thoughts in his shrivelled head? "Hitler was a socialist...wanted to help the people..." and "Hitler was a dictator and extreme capitalist." Let's try to bring a little clarity here. Hitler may have begun as a socialist in name, but once he acquired power, he turned to state-glorifying fascism. Russian Communism, too, fell prey to centralized dictatorial control. Which is why, when you talk about "socialism" today, you mean the "proletariat army owns the means of production" ideal, and when you say "communism" you mean socialist ideals collapsed into dictatorial control.

Let me shine a little light into the center arena of this debate, because both the original stooges who promulgated this argument, and the grizzled zombie Tattler have a hidden motive when they call Hitler a socialist. One of the silliest canards of the modern conservative movement is that liberals are all "socialists." They of course try to include all of the facets of "Social Democracy" in this category, including such horrid systems as Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and whatever "socialized medicine" programs exist that provide better per capita healthcare to citizens of all other industrialized nations. Whew. That's a long argument. Suffice it to say that when conservatives call you a socialist, they are blasting you with the worst curse word they have in their arsenal. And, in much the same way as The Tattler wheezes that comparing Bush to Hitler is a dirty smear, so too are conservatives trying to clamp the ball and chain of Hitler-as-socialist to the legs of liberals.

Sorry, Tattler, if you think it's bullshit when liberals do it, you shouldn't be aiding and abetting conservative smearing either. But I doubt in your century-plus on this earth you've learned anything about either ethical or intellectual consistency.

JC

UPDATE - A hat tip goes out to MrArchieBunker, who noticed an oddly reverential, and dare I say it, infatuated tone when The Tattler waxed poetic about Adolf Hitler. "Hitler was voted into power by 90 % of the German people, because they believed he fought for the workers," Tatty swooned. And yet, according to this essay, which cites Shirer's The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich for its history, Hitler in fact never received more than 37% of any popular vote, and gained his power through backroom shenanigans and threats of violence (including exploiting the Reichstag fire to solidify his power). As to what would motivate The Tattler to inflate and aggrandize Hitler, well, I think wild speculation would be irresponsible, don't you?

THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF JAY THE UNCLEAN

Thought you'd like some more of the slime from jay_156. I've never met such a simpleton. This idiot spends most of his time apparently fantasizing about my life. I can't get this little puppy to stop grinding on my leg, and the more I shake, the happier he gets. What really surprises me is that, whenever jay gets pressed for a concrete argument or a reasoned answer, he immediately falls into a reverie about how I must have become a liberal. I think I might start calling him Ad Hominem Jay. No matter what the debate, jay can't help but jump "to the man" and furiously hump away.

jay_156: that was weak dude
jay_156: come on man....fucking bring it
jay_156: that sucked
Jesus Claus: you're a punk
Jesus Claus: and you just got schooled
jay_156: you must have spent the weekend drinking and smoking man
Jesus Claus: i know it hurts
jay_156: cuz that sucked
Jesus Claus: but take it like a man
Jesus Claus: you should at least try to use facts and arguments
jay_156: you still didnt tell me who dubbed yada yada the leading Iraqi woman blogger
Jesus Claus: peple can see that you have nothing
jay_156: you didnt cite one source man
Jesus Claus: uh...right
jay_156: you didnt
Jesus Claus: that's because literally the first page when you google "women and iraq" is brimming with sources
jay_156: so who dubbed yada yada the leading Iraqi woman blogger?
Jesus Claus: haven't you seen the current human rights reports on iraq?
jay_156: at least tell me that
Jesus Claus: i think this might be a bit beyond your ability to comprehend
jay_156: let me tell you why you lost kid....you got loud and you lost it on mic
Jesus Claus: Riverbend has credibility because she has demonstrated that she has personal knowledge of the situation in Baghdad
Jesus Claus: look, son, you just can't take the heat on this
Jesus Claus: it was necessary, my boy
jay_156: back up kid...before you get to the facts and figures....let me tell you a little bit about winning a debate or an argument
jay_156: you lose when you get upset lol
Jesus Claus: when someone shows you that they want to clown like a punk, you need to set them straight
jay_156: you lose all credibility when you start puffing out your chest
jay_156: clown like a punk?
jay_156: lol
Jesus Claus: anyone who has seen a loser try to clown his way out of a loss could see it
jay_156: clown like a punk?
jay_156: are you like 15
jay_156: ?
Jesus Claus: when someone is trying to goof because they've got no defense, you need to knock the nonsense down immediately
jay_156: you didnt knock anything down except your credibility
Jesus Claus: jay_156: settle down....little punk bitch
Jesus Claus: that was you, my boy
jay_156: I was using terminology that your eminem listening to ass would understand
Jesus Claus: so bite it off about who's acting like a child
Jesus Claus: you're the one who's losing it
jay_156: now, listen closely...you're about to hear how an adult responds to paltalk bullshit
Jesus Claus: you really think the room has respect for a clown like you?
Jesus Claus: what a joke
Jesus Claus: you're a waste of time
Jesus Claus: clowning when you should be thinking
jay_156: see again...thats where you prove your limited experience
Jesus Claus: and punking out with insults, so tired
Jesus Claus: don't you get it?
jay_156: you care what these assholes think of you
Jesus Claus: you have to win on the merits before you flake out
jay_156: look, I understand that liberalism is cool when your 15....its idealistic....all the cool movie stars are liberal...I get it
Jesus Claus: care? I care that i don't embarrass myself by jerking off in front of people
Jesus Claus: another punk argument
Jesus Claus: try winning on the MERITS of your case
jay_156: but man, when you grow up...when you move out of the house, get a job, take the pokemon posters off your wall you are gonna see that blind idealism isnt valuable in life
Jesus Claus: before you appeal to ageism
Jesus Claus: dude, i'm as real politik as they come
Jesus Claus: you just don't get it, do you?
jay_156: your 15 dude
Jesus Claus: this isn't about idealism
jay_156: you havent lived enough life to be political yet
jay_156: experience something first
jay_156: then get back to me
jay_156: pay a bill
Jesus Claus: i know when to use "your" and when to use "you're"
Jesus Claus: how old does that make me?
Jesus Claus: loser
Jesus Claus: you know shit about shit, and less about me or my life
jay_156: yep...when I type fast I get the your and you're stuff mixed up
jay_156: you're right...got me
Jesus Claus: so make a real argument or hit the pavement
jay_156: so back to my very valid point
Jesus Claus: which is?
jay_156: you're too young to know what you think politically
Jesus Claus: I haven't heard one yet
jay_156: you think everything you hear is truth
Jesus Claus: except you don't know how old i am
Jesus Claus: or what i've done or who i am or shit
Jesus Claus: so what the fuck re you arguing?
Jesus Claus: i don't get it
jay_156: based on your reactions to the world you cant be older than 25
Jesus Claus: where do you see idealism in anything i've argued?
Jesus Claus: i don't get it at all
jay_156: and if you are....then you still live with mom and dad and you havent lived a day on your own yet
Jesus Claus: what the fuck are you even saying?
Jesus Claus: wrong on both counts
Jesus Claus: next?
jay_156: liberalism....its all about the rich old guys out to get ya
Jesus Claus: did you have a real rejoinder to make?
Jesus Claus: did i mention rich old guys?
Jesus Claus: what if i'm a rich young guy?
Jesus Claus: what the fuck are you even saying?
Jesus Claus: where is the argument here?
Jesus Claus: are you saying i have points about iraqi women because I hate rich old guys?
Jesus Claus: you have lost the script, my son
jay_156: you're the typical white young kid....you wish like hell you had some angst to live through so someone would take you seriously
Jesus Claus: nothing you say is relevant
Jesus Claus: there's no substance here
Jesus Claus: pretend i'm a 78 year old black woman
Jesus Claus: now MAKE AN ARGUMENT!
Jesus Claus: or stop wasting my time
Jesus Claus: stop making ad hominem arguments
Jesus Claus: that's all this is, don't you know that?
Jesus Claus: "to the man"
jay_156: look boy, Ill say what I want about you
Jesus Claus: ok, then I'll say what I want about you
Jesus Claus: you
jay_156: lol, and you will listen because you aren't man enough to ignore it
jay_156: lol
jay_156: you have to know what Im saying about you
Jesus Claus: you're an unhappily married 35 year old man
jay_156: because you're 14
jay_156: good one
Jesus Claus: you are terribly afraid that your wife will discover that you're a transvestite prostitute who likes autoerotic asphyxiation
jay_156: wow...good one
jay_156: another good one
jay_156: how very conan obrien of you
Jesus Claus: you hate yourself because you only truly love one of your kids, but think that your son is a stupid kid who embarrasses you
jay_156: you know, the bad thing about your generation is that you think Jon Stewart is funny
Jesus Claus: he's fucking brilliant
jay_156: lol, shocking
Jesus Claus: and his viewers are better informed than Bil O'Reilly's
jay_156: lol, he takes your money by saying such brilliant things as "Bush looks dumb doesnt he?"
Jesus Claus: takes my money?
jay_156: "wow, Bush sounds like elmer fudd"
jay_156: brilliant
Jesus Claus: and?
jay_156: lol claus....the youth of the 60's needed Nixon to blame....this generation needs Bush....it gives your pathetic little lives meaning
Jesus Claus: look, you're kind of pathetic, ok?
jay_156: the angst ridden youth
Jesus Claus: every argument you make returns sadly to some broad generalization about how "people like me" are always wrong
jay_156: so pathetic....rich white kids sitting around bitching about how their parents make them cut the lawn lol
Jesus Claus: or filled with angst
Jesus Claus: or angry
Jesus Claus: don't you see how dumb that is?
Jesus Claus: condos don't have lawns
Jesus Claus:
jay_156: that my boy, is a verbal ass beating
jay_156: that is how you rip an ass on mic
Jesus Claus: are you kidding me?
Jesus Claus: hahahahahahahahahaahhahah
Jesus Claus: you're joking, right?
jay_156: lol...are you sucking mcgoo's dick or something?
jay_156: he is defending you like you dropped seed in it
Jesus Claus: hahahahahaha
Jesus Claus: what a child you are

Now, jay is usually far too busy piddling on my shoes to bring a reasoned argument, but he did make a flailing attempt on the mic. But this is the first real factoid he inserted:

"...you know, when Clinton bombed that aspirin factory in Iraq, liberals thought all the WMD got destroyed..."

Um...jay? That factory was in the Sudan. But nice try. Stick to immature ad homs, they're more your speed.

jay_156: look little kid....Sudan or Iraq....really doesnt matter.....the point is you bullshitting libs have done nothing to protect this nation and you take credit for it
Jesus Claus: did you even look at Richard Clarke's testimony?
jay_156: can you tell me who the leading Nigerian transvestite midget blogger is?
Jesus Claus: Bush is a failure at CT, point blank, told by the very people who were right there to see it
jay_156: Im interested in that
Jesus Claus: can you tell me what bush has done to protect us?
Jesus Claus: where is osama?
Jesus Claus: i'd love to see him go down
jay_156: lol
jay_156: no you wouldnt
Jesus Claus: exactly
jay_156: you back him too
Jesus Claus: you really believe the caricature you've been fed of liberals
Jesus Claus: it's sad
Jesus Claus: and pathetic
jay_156: he is misunderstood like Saddam
jay_156: you fucking live it
jay_156: you're a punk kid
Jesus Claus: you're just a useless little puppy
jay_156: you're the stereotypical lib
Jesus Claus: you know nothing about progressive politics
jay_156: a swarthy little loud mouthed kid
jay_156: a fucking know it all
Jesus Claus: and your party has sold you a fantasy while making you less safe and less well off
Jesus Claus: but you don't see it
jay_156: you are the fucking poster boy for the libs
Jesus Claus: swarthy?
jay_156: not familiar with the word?
Jesus Claus: are you making racist comments now?
Jesus Claus: you think i'm black?
jay_156: wanna be
Jesus Claus: i thought i was a rich white kid
jay_156: you are
Jesus Claus: and?
jay_156: I also said you wish you had some pain
Jesus Claus: so?
jay_156: swarthy is more PC than wigger
jay_156: which describes you perfectly
Jesus Claus: swarthy actually means that i am in fact dark skinned
jay_156: but I knew you'd flip out and pull out the race card when you saw wigger
Jesus Claus: i didn't pull it out when i saw wigger
Jesus Claus: i pulled it out when i saw swarthy
Jesus Claus: because saying i'm swarthy means that i'm actually dark
jay_156: anyway dumbass.....you make me want to vomit
Jesus Claus: wigger means that i'm just trying to seem black
jay_156: way too much time on your hands
Jesus Claus: btw, in what way did i give you the impression that i'm a wigger
Jesus Claus: ?
Jesus Claus: i'm genuinely curious
Jesus Claus: or are you just applying all of your prejudices to me for convenience?
jay_156: well, I dont think you wear FUBU...but I do think you wish you had a little hardship to make you legitimate
Jesus Claus: except that you have literally zero knowledge of my actual life
jay_156: it would at least give you a reason to believe the lib bullshit
Jesus Claus: so why the racism?
Jesus Claus: jay, we are half the country
jay_156: who is we?
Jesus Claus: you can choose to beleive in the stereotypes, but they are manifestly untrue
jay_156: you act exactly like the lib stereotype
Jesus Claus: liberals, Democrats, progressives
Jesus Claus: and to you that is acting like a wigger?
Jesus Claus: because I don't get that at all
jay_156: you think you know it all....you think your shit doesnt stink....and you talk as though you have some pain and experience backing your outrage
jay_156: you have none of that
Jesus Claus: and you in reality have no idea what i have experienced, do you?
jay_156: you dont know a fucking thing other than what you read on the net
jay_156: here we go....
Jesus Claus: what, you gonna tell me i'm swarthy again?
jay_156: lol....you long to be
Jesus Claus: i'm not going to tell you what my life is like
Jesus Claus: the point is, you don't know
Jesus Claus: and what you are doing now is classic ad hom
jay_156: and actually swarthy could describe your attitude
jay_156: because your the classic defeatist
Jesus Claus: how is looking at this administration realistically being defeatist?
Jesus Claus: dude, iraq is careening toward civil war
jay_156: but the lib knee jerk mentality caused you to pull the race card
Jesus Claus: don't try to pretend that isn't because of poor planning
Jesus Claus: jay, you called me swarthy
Jesus Claus: you've got to be kidding me
jay_156: yep I did
jay_156: swarthy means dark
Jesus Claus: you made a racist comment
jay_156: I know your a white boy
Jesus Claus: notcing racism isn't an issue
Jesus Claus: i know, you would have preferred to say wigger
Jesus Claus: but you didn't
jay_156: I was referring to defeatist attitude and the wanna be hardships that you havent faced
Jesus Claus: because you knew it was racist
Jesus Claus: dude, what the fuck do you think you know about me?
jay_156: look fuck...play that shit with someone that is willing to feel sorry about it
jay_156: I really dont care
Jesus Claus: i don't doubt it
jay_156: Iraq could have been a lot different
Jesus Claus: many racists try to be confronational because they don't want to apologize for it
jay_156: oh, now your going to play racist lol
jay_156: typical lib bullshit
jay_156: great
Jesus Claus: no, i think you're playing the racist in this scene
Jesus Claus: i'm the comic sidekick
jay_156: look man, you're a waste of time tonight
Jesus Claus: you are a waste of time every night
jay_156: you lost all crediblilty when you pulled yoru tough guy yelling on the mic shit
Jesus Claus: sounds like it made you wet your pants
jay_156: how long have you been in college on mom and dad's dime son?
jay_156: lol...yes every 115 lb lib makes me shudder
jay_156: you guys can kick some ass lol
Jesus Claus: again, you pretend to know something about me
jay_156: stop with the bullshit
jay_156: admit it
Jesus Claus: are you hitting on me?
jay_156: you're a young guy, still struggling,
jay_156: now you're getting ridiculous
Jesus Claus: wait, am i struggling, or living on my parent's dime?
jay_156: that second zima of the night has really made you funny
jay_156: living on your parents dime is struggling stupid shit
Jesus Claus: how so?
jay_156: you better stop at 3 zimas though.....I dont want you to puke
Jesus Claus: you really seem to think a lot about me
Jesus Claus: are you thinking of writing a book?
jay_156: look, you're loud mouthed, you blame bush for everything wrong in the world, you think voting democrat will fix everything, and you called Jon Steward a genius lol
jay_156: I know a lot about you lol
jay_156: you have probably marched in at least one protest in the past 3 months
Jesus Claus: you can call it: Jesus Claus, An Odyssey in Swarthiness

Hmm, I can't believe I didn't see the racism coming. I mean, if you wanted to make a guess as to whether a given conservative is a closet racist, you'd be safe betting on "Yes" virtually 100 percent of the time. Oh, poor, poor jay, led into a life of unrepentant conservaism by his obsessive fear of brown people. It's sad really. I think some quality cuddle time with LordMercifulVoo would fix that boy right up, don't you?

JC

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Virginia_1776, on the subject of Bush's failure to manage the Katrina disaster response by giving oversight and orders to FEMA and DHS:

"Well, there's separation of powers..."

Are you shitting me? I spewed soda out of my nose when I heard this. Uh, Virg, separation of powers is the Constitutional separation of the federal government into Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches. That has nothing to do with federal agencies. What, is Bush enjoined from speaking to the Attorney General? Does Bush have to fill out a form to talk to the Secretary of Education? I mean, seriously, where do they come up with this stuff?

JC

SALTSPRING IS A HEADCASE

We've been talking for several hours about this story. A student taped his Advanced Geography teacher for 20 minutes, during which the teacher regaled the students with most of the highlights of left-wing politics, including Bush as Hitler, American hegemony, and the drawbacks of capitalism. Much of what the teacher said I personally agree with.

Now, saltspring just got done on the mic berating me about what an evil prick this teacher is, how he should be tossed off the job, and that the man must be a rabid serial killer and tax evader. Ok, I made that last part up. But here's the thing...

I'VE BEEN SAYING FOR 3 FREAKING HOURS THAT I THINK THE TEACHER WAS OVER THE LINE!

Goddamnit, shitspring, don't you even listen to other people? Sounds to me like you'd be the same kind of teacher this guy was. You'd never listen to opposing ideas, you'd never see whan you're wrong, and you'd be making a fool of yourself every goddamn day. Oh wait, you do that anyway, every time you take the mic in a PT room. By all means, don't let me stop you.

Jackass.

JC

DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HISTORY

While I am a fan of the colorful writing style of our sister publication, The Social Issues Tattler, it's just impossible to let this slide by without comment. The Tattler:

It is often said that if you didn't know history, you didn't know anything. You were a leaf that didn't know it was part of a tree.

Karl has a nemesis that is driving him stark raving bonkers. Karl would rather vote republican than have to deal another day with demathi. Yet again today, these two went at it. Karl was regurgitating his rhetoric when Demathi slammed Karl to the mat for a ten count, and then ripped his tongue out, before running it up the flag pole. Once again Karl made the ludicrous comparison between Hitler and George Bush. Demathi would have none of it. Demathi pointed out, there can be no comparison between Hitler and Bush, because Hitler was indeed a monster, and Hitler and Bush are as far apart as Karl and common sense. Karl said, "KARL d-Az...understand this statement. I believes that Bush is a MONSTER. Bush advocates torture.Bush makes war" Karl then said Hitler was a fascist and communist, but never a socialist, and this is where demathi destroyed Karl in text, so much so, that all of Karl's supporters sat silent knowing Karl was dead wrong and caught at lying. Even Peppi said nothing, which was truly a historical event. Demathi said:

demathi: The National Socialist German Workers Party, better known as the NSDAP or the Nazi Party was a political party that was led to power in Germany by Adolf Hitler in 1933.

demathi: After Hitler's appointment as Chancellor and the democratic election of the party to lead the German government in 1933, the NSDAP organized and established the Third Reich. Hitler was not only a socialist in his own day but he would even be a mainstream socialist in most ways today.

Poor deluded dumb Karl, your time of preaching ignorance to the unenlightened, has come to an end. Hopeless Romantic and Jay picked the last remaining remnants of meat from Karl's bones before the circling vultures landed.

Now, I can well understand the Tattler's desire to "get" Karl d-Az. Even though the Tattler's author is fond of equal opportunity trashing of all and sundry, it isn't hard to detect the distinct conservative bias. Much like his smell, The Tattler isn't going to be able to hide his slant behind creative writing ability. And in this case, his eagerness to go after Karl has caused him to trip up on his own feet and fall belly-first on his own shiv. As the Tattler bleeds out, let's talk about his errors.

Far be it from me to comment one way or the other on the relative merits of Bush v. Hitler. Although Bush is clearly the most inept, incompetent, mendacious and dishonest president in modern memory, I don't think he's quite in Hitler's league, as the premeditated extermination of 6 million jews pretty much vaults you into your own special category.

That being said, however, I can only cover my mouth and chuckle as the PT Beagle Boys, demathi, jay_156 and HopelessRomantic4U, try to match wits with someone like Karl. Having only the one wit to share between the three of them is a significant disadvantage. I imagine Karl would have more to fear from these three miniscule talents in this duel if they could avoid tumbling over each other.

To begin with, and really, this is just about the beginning and end of the argument, Hitler was, in fact, no socialist. A socialist is someone who believes that the means of production should be owned by all workers in common. Therefore, a true socialist might believe that, even though a centralized authority might control the economy as an intermediary step, the true goal should always be ownership by all in common.

Now, this is the part where lesser minds, like those of demathi, jay, and Hopeless, get confused. It is simply accepted as common sense by most, and is clearly far too complex an idea for some, that Hitler took control of an ostensibly socialist party and used their rhetoric to lead it to eventual power. In no sense other than in its name was the National Socialist German Workers Party actually socialist under Hitler. As is apparent by his actions after assuming power, Hitler had no intention of working for socialist ideals.

Now, I think the problem can be summed up this way. Neither demathi, jay_156, nor HopelessRomantic4U (and by extension, the lazy mind behind the Tattler) are able to comprehend that Adolf Hitler might have been -gasp- dishonest! That he might have -the horror- used socialist rhetoric to acheive and maintain power, while actually thoroughly ignoring socialist ideals. Kind of like the communists did in Russia. Kind of why Karl said that Hitler might well be both fascist (the state is supreme) and communist (state control of the economy), but was no socialist (people control means of production).

I'll try to help demathi, et al out here. For future reference: not every state that has "Democratic" in it's name is democratic. The "People's Republic of -blank-" doesn't necessarily give any power to actual people. And if someone tries to sell you a slightly used bridge, take a pass, ok?

JC

ONE DOWN...

Randy Cunningham, Republican criminal, gets 8 years, 4 months in prison. Who will be next?

JC

IRONY MUCH?

File this one under unintentional comedy gold:

MrArchieBunker: Rebel is a deep thinker............about 1" deep
Brutelogic: Rebel is a deep thinker............about 1" deep{{{{{ditto

Hello? You owe me twenty bucks for a new IronyMeter, because mine just blew up. Arch disses Bobby as a shallow thinker, and Brute's best comment is to paste the same line with "{{{{{ditto"?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Whooee...

JC