THE RATTLER GROUP

"It matters what you think. And it matters what we can make you think..."

Take a look at this post from Think Progress about the Bush administration using a PR group to sell the war:

From “Saddam Hussein’s Development of Weapons of Mass Destruction” [White House website]:

In 2001, an Iraqi defector, Adnan Ihsan Saeed al-Haideri, said he had visited twenty secret facilities for chemical, biological and nuclear weapons. … Mr. Saeed said Iraq used companies to purchase equipment with the blessing of the United Nations - and then secretly used the equipment for their weapons programs.

None of al-Haideri’s claims were true. Today’s Rolling Stone reveals that the administration’s use of al-Haideri’s lies to justify the Iraq war were “the product of a clandestine operation…that had been set up and funded by the CIA and the Pentagon for the express purpose of selling a war.”

At the center of this operation was John Rendon and The Rendon Group, “a controversial, secretive firm that has been criticized as ineffective and too expensive,” more than $56 million since the 9/11 attacks. (Taxpayers are paying him $311.26/hour.)

The Rendon Group personally set up the Iraqi National Congress and helped install Ahmad Chalabi as leader, whose main goal — “pressure the United States to attack Iraq and overthrow Saddam Hussein” — Rendon helped facilitate. Pentagon documents show that Rendon has the highest level of government clearance (above Top Secret), which helped it with its INC work — “a worldwide media blitz designed to turn Hussein…into the greatest threat to world peace.”

While the White House continues to insist it did not manipulate intelligence before the Iraq war, it sure seems that it hired John Rendon and his group to do just that.

This gives me a great idea. I am now incorporating The Rattler Group^®. Take a look at our first press release. I hope we get hired:

The Rattler Group^® (TRG) is a forward looking public relations firm specializing in targetted web interactivity programs and creating influence for our clients with opinion leaders within the chatroom paradigm. As the president and CEO of TRG, I will lead the effort in acheiving our corporate goals.

We represent an organization dedicated to the overthrow of chatroom dictator LordMercifulVoo, as well as his deputies-in-crime Karl d-az (aka EdeKit, aka LewBah,(amazing how many aliases criminals have, eh?)) Karen_Dances, and others. TRG has discovered several extremely reliable witnesses to the egregious violations of decency by this gang of thugs.

Mr. Jack Noddafakenayme relates his experience: "I was sitting next to Voo, the butcher of Mainstream, after a meal of burriitos. He then released a toxic cloud of biological origin. It was horrible. I personally witnessed several strong men collapse from the biological WMD attack. If Voo is not stopped, millions may be mildly nauseated."

Compelling testimony, and surely evidence of a callous indifference to human life. But listen to even more horrifying stories.

Mr Bob Toddalyreelguy came forward after much encouragement to relate the following: "On several occasions, I have seen Karl d-Az leave the toilet seat up after using it, even though it is extremely inconsiderate to his girlfriend. I have no doubt that, if left unchecked, Karl will undoubtedly also forget to empty the dishwasher."

Unsettling, to say the least. But we have saved the best for last. After hearing this, leaders will have no choice but to agree that these dangerous individuals must be stopped.

Mrs. Jane Trustworthyson has been living in protective custody because of what she witnessed, and is only now able physically to testify to the horrors she has seen: "I...I was sitting on a chair in a windowless room with peeling paint and crumbled bricks in the wall. Karen_Dances was in the next room, and I could see her clearly through the open doorway. She stood in the light...of, oh god...the refrigerator...and in her hand...I can hardly say it...she had the milk. And she raised the milk to her lips....and drank from the carton! For the love of god, from the carton! And she put it back and walked away and oh sweet jesus, the backwash, won't someone think of the backwash!"

Unspeakable horror. And all from the admins of this tiny chatroom. Clearly, we at TRG have a duty to act, to bring this testimony to light, and convince the Congress and the American people to invade Mainstream, and remove these brutal dictators. And for a small fee of 40 million dollars, in large, unmarked, nonsequential bills, TRG will provide a full service suite for all your propaganda needs.

I think you know what the patriotic thing to do is.

JC