TERRORISTMATCH.COM

saltspring's huggybear

shitspring just got done making his brilliant argument as to why Bush did not finish the job in Afghanistan, and did not capture or kill Bin Laden, his top lieutenant, or Mullah Omar. And he also deflected criticism about letting the Taliban regain control of large sections of the country and letting it become a narcostate once again. shitspring's answer to all of this?

"Jesus Claus, you love terrorists."

That's right, kids, it's not because Bush lost focus on finishing the job with the man who MURDERED 3000 people in my home city. And it's not because the neocons invaded an uninvolved Middle Eastern country without a plan for occupation, screwed up the postwar period in every way imaginable, and have made Iraq a new haven for international terrorists to train and spread havoc around the world. No, the real problem here is being head-over-heels gaga in love with thuggish terrorists. Well, in order to increase the average level of sarcasm in the world, and to give shitspring and other braindead neocons a chance to find the bliss I have discovered, we now present our newest sponsor, TERRORISTMATCH.COM!

Yeeees, that's right, now you too can complete your sad, pathetic life by hooking up with the terrorist of your dreams! If you log on to our site and sign up for a free trial membership, this is what you can look forward to:

• Fill out our detailed questionnaire to find the terrorist who's right for you. We match on several dimensions of compatibility, including Age, Income, Caliber of Weapon, Type of Explosive, and Fundamentalist Religious Doctrine/Extremist Ideology!
• Post pictures of you in your favorite identity-obscuring head covering! Additional pictures of Weaponry and Explosives a plus!
• Gold Members can enter a steamy chat room in our exclusive PalTerroristTalk format! Snuggle up with your honey as you trade tales of IEDs and dodging security sweeps from secret police!
• TERRORISTMATCH.COM also offers a full array of options for bringing a mail-order terrorist right to your door! Exchange letters and photos, and then fly your new bride overseas to be with you!* (*Certain restrictions/difficulties may apply, including but not limited to: smuggling weapons, random searches, explosive detectors)

If you think this is stupid, you're right. But not half as fucking stupid as people like shitspring telling us we love terrorists. Everyone repeat after me: "shitspring, go fuck yourself."

JC