Lord Jay 156 cops a feelDateline Paltalkia - The Toodur royal family announced today the creation of Lord Jay 156, knight of Northumberland and Lower Mississippi. Reports confirm that the king used a ten foot pole rather than the traditional longsword, as, in his words, "The stench was nigh unbearable, wot wot."
Anonymous sources claim that Jay lobbied heavily for the elevation, primarily owing to his unrequited, and downright creepy, obsessive mancrush on LordMercifulVoo. As a commoner, jay_156 was ineligible for a formal marriage (and you know how eager he is to get into his white wedding gown). Unfortunately for Lord Jay, reports from Voo's camp indicate that the promised dowry, consisting of 3 decrepit mobile homes, ten roughly sexually abused sheep, and a rusted out Ford truck on cinderblocks, would not be enough to persuade Voo. Besides, he's not gay. At least not for that price.
Rumors persist that Lord Jay 156 intended to go to war to force the marriage to take place, but owing to the fact that Jay is a chickenhawk with an intense fear of fighting, war, horses, mud, pain, and strawberries, the planned invasion was scrapped.
More details to follow, as Jay is clearly not finished wooing his beloved...
JC
Anonymous sources claim that Jay lobbied heavily for the elevation, primarily owing to his unrequited, and downright creepy, obsessive mancrush on LordMercifulVoo. As a commoner, jay_156 was ineligible for a formal marriage (and you know how eager he is to get into his white wedding gown). Unfortunately for Lord Jay, reports from Voo's camp indicate that the promised dowry, consisting of 3 decrepit mobile homes, ten roughly sexually abused sheep, and a rusted out Ford truck on cinderblocks, would not be enough to persuade Voo. Besides, he's not gay. At least not for that price.
Rumors persist that Lord Jay 156 intended to go to war to force the marriage to take place, but owing to the fact that Jay is a chickenhawk with an intense fear of fighting, war, horses, mud, pain, and strawberries, the planned invasion was scrapped.
More details to follow, as Jay is clearly not finished wooing his beloved...
JC
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4 comments:
The princes thought to have been murdered in the Tower of London, right?
I'm not sure, I just picked the picture because it evoked the affection Lord Jay seems to have for Voo, since he seems completely obsessed with him.
JC
"The Princes in the Tower" by John Everett Millais (June 8, 1829–August 13, 1896), published (1878) (public domain)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Princes.jpg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_of_Shrewsbury,_1st_Duke_of_York
They really need to fix that, the text should fit. Anyway, it's from a Richard of Shrewsbury, some Duke, article.
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