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Thursday, December 28, 2006

MISPLACED DEITY SOUGHT BY CHRISTIANS

I figured since my last posting went over so well with the anons that ya'll must want more, so how could I resist.

This little story was sent to me via email, and its meaning to me is that no matter how deep seated your religious convictions are to you, do not push them onto others.

So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward...She takes my arm and with trembling voices she asks...."Have you found Jesus?" Her eyes plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop.

Now normally I just politely decline the sermon, and free religious paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But, unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me in the last 9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong with these people. I mean if it's not Christians, it is the Jehovah's Witnesses. Can a simple Druid get no peace?

So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic I reply, "You people lost him, again??"

The woman looks confused. This is not the response she was hoping for and she needs to regroup. She takes a deep breath intending to launch into her sales pitch for her God, and church, paying no heed to the concept that I might not be into being converted. I decide to not let her get going so I launch into a speech of my own...

"What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've lost Him!" I hit her with a glare of accusation. "I mean really..." I take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have anyone follow a deity that you can't even find!"

The poor woman looks stunned. This isn't going so good. Panicked she looks desperately to the car... Surely one of the men can help.... Undaunted I press on... "Maybe the problem is with you people... I mean Muslims never seem to loose there deity. Come to think of it neither do Jews, or Pagans of any kind."

I look at the man getting out of the car. He's all smiles. "I realize you people used to burn people like me at the stake... What was that about... deity even? I may be a Pagan-heathen, but I have never ever woke up panicked that I couldn't find my Goddess or God. They are always right where they should be... In the fire of my candle, in the air that I breath, in the earth that I stand on, in the water of my spring. I never feel abandoned by my deity(ies)."

"Of course, you Christians aren't much fun..." I continue. By now they are all out of the car. Befuddled, aghast, and at a loss for words. "Of course," I offer trying to give them some defense for losing Jesus. "He could have left due to religious differences. If I remember correctly He was Jewish. So if you are really so eager to find him..." I smile gently to soften the blow. "Check the nearest synagogue. He's probably in there. Also you folks should try and remember that this is America... Where freedom of religion means ALL religions."

Slowly they climb back into their car and drive away. I stand at the bus stop... No pamphlets, no bible, no dogma. I haven't found Jesus, but I haven't lost him either.

Oh, and if you've found Jesus, please get his face on the evening news A.S.A.P so the Christians can stop looking for him.

~~~~~~~Forever A Facetious Pain~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~Smile, it confuses neo-nuts~~~~~~~

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO, ACTUALLY that is very good :) ... It would be wonderful if it happened

Facetious Muse said...

Thank you anon, tyvm :o)

Anonymous said...

THE LAW IS THE LAW

If the government determines that it will be against the law for the words "under God" to be on our money, then so be it.

And if that same government decides that the "Ten Commandments" are not to be displayed in or on a government installation, then so be it.

And since prayer in the schools has already been prohibited under the authority of the government, then so be it.

And I say, "So be it," because I’m a law abiding citizen.

I say, "So be it," because I choose to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

I like to think that those people have the American public’s best interests at heart.

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'D LIKE?

Since the majority of Americans and most particularly Christians, have been told that they cannot pray to God, can't Trust in God and cannot Post His Commandments in or on government buildings and property, I don't believe the government and its employees, elected or otherwise should participate in Easter and Christmas celebrations that honor the God they believe in and that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life -- and trying to eliminate from their lives.

I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter. After all, they’re just another day.

I'd like the Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Good Friday, Thanksgiving and Easter -- as well as Sundays. After all, they’re just another day.

I'd like the Senate and the House of Representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the "Christmas Break." After all ~ it's just another day.

I'm thinking that a lot of my tax dollars could be saved, if all government offices & services were open and available on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Good Friday & Easter Sunday.

It shouldn't cost the taxpayers overtime either since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be "politically correct" to everyone BUT Christians.

In fact....I think that our government should work on Sundays which were initially set aside for Christians to worship and honor God... because, after all, our government says that it should be just another day....

What do you think????

I received the above in an email too. Thought I’d pass it on in response to your post.

Here are a few of my own thoughts. Personally, I think that our elected officials should stop giving in to minority opinions and begin, once again, to represent the majority of the American people. I find it hypocritical for those who talk of their “Christmas celebrations” and holiday traditions that are centered around purely Christian holy days to then post something like you just did. Do you have any funny stories about Jews, Hindus, Buddhists or Muslims that you think are politically correct? I seriously doubt it, because you seem to only feel that it’s politically correct to speak in a condescending manner to and about Christians, completely forgetting that the 19 hijackers who attacked this country on September 11, 2001 certainly weren’t screaming “Have you found Jesus?” You have often attempted to present yourself as being an open-minded, caring and humane liberal, but always manage to give yourself away for what you truly are.

To be sure, religious zealots can be dangerous; however, your cute little story carried hideous undertones of intolerance – which is something YOU claim to abhor, making you nothing but another liberal hypocrite.

SO BE IT…

Anonymous said...

Here here, make the lazy bastards work longer, including Dumbya. All these vacations are bullshit! But, keep your fucking religion out of the buildings and cities I help fund. Christians along with Muslims are murderers. We do not need any of these groups in our government. But, they have a right to worship privately or in their churches and temples. Before you criticize liberal hypocrits, you better take a look at the conservative hypocrits running the country right now. Fucking child molesters.

Art L aka Wolfdancer said...

Dear Anonymous Christian

I write this in light and love to you all:

I would like all my Pagan Holidays off , Samhain (you call it Halloween), Yule, Imbolic, Ostara, Beltane, Midsummer,Lughnasadh and Mabon. I would also like time off during the full moons and dark moons to do my rituals.

I spent a year working at K-Mart that has a rule that NO Religious Symbols shall be worn at work. I obeyed that rule until one day I forgot to put my pentagram in side my shirt. Our manager reminded me of The Rule and I asked if that rule applied to the Christians as well. You'd think I asked for a week off with pay and a pay raise by the look on his face.

At another job I asked for Samhain off many weeks before my holiday and it was approved. However one day before the holiday I was told that I couldn't take it off because one of the mothers had to take her kid trick or treating.

I am sorry if you have no humor or cant laugh at your religion. Maybe it's only Pagans that can laugh at ourselves. Have you ever heard any of the you might be a redneck Pagan Jokes or How many Wiccans does it take to change a light bulb? There are a ton of those jokes all over the web written by Pagans. We love to laugh.

I am glad we have the 1st amendment, cause it applies to all religions, What part of ALL don't you understand?

Once again I would like to remind you that we Pagans have been fighting the VA to get Pagan grave markers on our dead troops graves.
The thing that bothers me the most is that Christians are the ones that think they are the ones being persecuted. I wonder if they have ever read any of Jack Chicks little booklets or have heard about many of the attacks on Pagans, weather it be wearing a pentagram to high school or having a Christian parent trying to gain full custody of the children in a divorce.

BTW. If some asks me if I have found Jesus I'll answer Yes, under the bed.
Blessed Be
Lord Wolfdancer Dragonfly Starson

PS: The tittle Lord is given to Pagan High Priests and the rest is my full Pagan name

FRisson1 said...

A BIG THUMBS UP muse!!!! Thanks for sharing the story with us. I now want to go share it with a few of my friends

Facetious Muse said...

Actually I do have some humorous stories about all religions, including pagans. Why is some's panties get so twisted over this. Let me remind people this Freedom of religion means all religions not just the most popular.

Also Pagan holidays are not centered around Christian holidays in fact the truth is the complete opposite, do some research.

Funny thing is most do not know my choice of religion, but they sure in the hell act like they do.

Geeze some people ~smh~

Vox said...

Muse,

I'm so glad you decided to post it. My group enjoyed it including the Christians in the group. They laughed hardest of all I think.

Good job!

Blessed be,
Mary aka Vox /|\ )o(

Facetious Muse said...

p.s. I am have been known to say we are being pc'ed to death, another assumation thatt was incorrect.

~~~~~Forever A Facetious Pain~~~~~
~~Smile, it confuses narrow-minds~~

Facetious Muse said...

Aww thank you for your support Voxy, and I am so happy it brought laughter.

Facetious Muse said...

Awww you are so welcome Frisson, feel free to copy and send it to whoever you like, we all can always use some humor :o)

vacreeper2003 said...

and don't forget - the church should pay taxes just like any other business!

Anonymous said...

"Facetious Muse said...

I hop everyone has the Merriest Christmas & Happiest Holidays

~~~~~~Forever A Facetious Pain~~~~~~
~~~~~Smile, it confuses people~~~~~~

4:34 PM"

What a hypocrite. LMAO

Anonymous said...

"Before you criticize liberal hypocrits, you better take a look at the conservative hypocrits running the country right now. Fucking child molesters."

*sigh* I know... by the way, This week we celebrate a special birthday.

Monica Lewinsky turned 31 this month. Can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.

They grow up so fast!

Anonymous said...

By the way, creepy you ARE a sissy and a coward. No one cares what you have to say anymore. Closing comments on YOUR posts pretty much says it all about YOU.

Jay156 said...

Wow...

I've read some pretty humerous writing in my time. Dave Barry, George Carlin, and Claus when he is trying to convince us that libs are serious. But this takes the cake.

The premise of Christians "loosing their Diety" because some ask the question, "Have you found Jesus?"

Did you come up with that all by yourself? I mean, how incredibly imaginative you are. What a fucking genius piece of literature that you've shared with the world. Misplacing God like you misplace keys or the remote control...You pagans are just so fucking tremendous.....I guess if one of you shitstains was to pose the same question it would sound something like..."Hey have you found your rock?" "Hey have you found your elm tree?" "Have you found the front bumber to a 57 Chevy?" I guess when you walk around worshipping everything there would be alot to "lose"

tell ya what, go burn some insense that you bought at the kiosk at your local mall, light a candle, and rub some smooth stones together...leave the musings to those that aren't sipping the crazy juice.

Anonymous said...

Jay seems to forget that many religions use ceremonial candles, incense,water and oils to annoint. Including Christians. He must have something against Christians too!

Jay156 said...

Um, retarded shitstains, I was insulting idiot pagan libby treehuggers....I guess you read that and thought that the use of insense should be defended....and to think you people actually sustain life on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

They don't sustain life, they merely drain it from others. They most likely live off the sweat of their hardworking neighbors' brows and become ridiculously incensed over your reference to incense. And while of course, it should be conceded that many Christian churches use things such as incense, candles, rosary beads, holy water, etc., I believe you well understand what jay's reference was in regard to.

Anonymous said...

Jay and the anonymouse fucktards need to go back to school and learn some comprehension skills. Doh! Your mothers should have suffocated your asses and saved the resources for the ones that actually use oxygen to sustain their brains. Yours is being wasted. What is with these anonymouse rejects, they are so far up Jays ass their faces are creamed with shit!

Anonymous said...

There is one thing all of you should notice. In the online world of Paltalk you never see Christians pushing their religion on people. BUT an atheist will let you know he's an atheist in a heartbeat, even though you could care less.

PS: I noticed some guy on here said he worked at a K-Mart? For a YEAR???

Facetious Muse said...

Thank you anons and Jay of course, thank you for helping me make my point.

When was the last time you saw a person that practices paganism show such hate and unacceptance as some of these so call Christians have in this thread?

When was the last time you saw so much ignorance bloom, such fear of the unknown?

I have been called a hypocrite for wishing people a Merry Christmas and happy Holidays, why? Why is is I am called a hypocrite for wishing people of all religions Happy Holidays? I guess some here do not understand how to be caring of their fellow man/woman, I guess it is too hard of a concept for some so-call Christ-like people to understand, the concept of love and acceptance.

I am amazed how Jay (and the anon that agreed with him) bring up oils and incense as a way to insults pagan, I guess he has forgotten that many religions including Christians use oils, candles, incense, water, wine and bread. But I think I get jays point, it's ok to use all of those things as long as you are a Christian, for we all know the Christians were the very first religion known to man. We all know how the Christians were always so benign and forgiven, wait!!! Wasn't it the Christians that burnt people at the stake, weren't they also behind the crusades?

Sadly it seems to many (not all) Christinty is just a 'get out of hell free card', I mean they can be as hateful, rude, uncaring and judgmental as they please, but as long as they say they are Christians they are safe.

Funny how something written tongue in cheek can cause so many defensive, why is that? Is it that you really don't have the faith in your beliefs?

The whole point behind this thread was two-fold 1> to share a giggle or two & 2> to show the true hypocrites with their hate.

Perhaps some of ya'll need to get a sense of humor and learn how to enjoy life, for I am pretty sure no matter what your chosen faith is, happiness and love are the main theme.

I feel for those that are so scare they must attack, my heart goes out to anyone in such pain they only know how to strike out to hurt others. Do you really think that is what your God wanted, hate, fear & pain?

I wish all to have happiness and humor in their lives and no matter how mean or evil one wants to act, I still love you as my sisters and brothers, a concept that all religions endorse.

~~~~~Forever A Facetious Pain~~~~~
~~~~~Smile, it confuses people~~~~

Anonymous said...

A priest is receiving confession, and a rabbi joins him. A woman comes up to the priest and says "Father I have comitted adultery". The priest asks "how many times?". The woman says three. The priest says "OK I’ll tell you what. You donate $20 and say 12 Hail May and you are forgiven".
After this the priest has to go somewhere and he tells the rabbi "You stay and
confess the rest of these people, after all it is the same God. Just be sure and get the money". So the rabbi is sitting there and another woman comes up and says "Father I have comitted adultery". The rabbi asks "how many times?", and the woman says once. Now he is stumped and he asks her again "are you sure it was’nt three times". The woman is offended and says in an indignant tone "No father, it was just once". So the rabbi says "OK I will tell you what. You donate $20 and say 12 Hail May and the church will owe you two fucks".

Jay156 said...

lol, a discussion based on 3% of the population is pointless....I guess finding active volcanoes and virgins to throw them into just aint what it used to be.

Art L aka Wolfdancer said...

anonymous said:
PS: I noticed some guy on here said he worked at a K-Mart? For a YEAR???

True, I did say that and then I said I worked at another place for a year as well.

I didn't mention before those two jobs I started a drop-in center for homeless people where I worked for 12 years. I took those two years off because I was burnt out. I've been working at my present job for 6 years now. Before starting the drop-in I worked at US Steel for 10 years.

The reason I am posting only a small part of my work history is because you neo-nuts seem to think anyone who disagrees with you are lazy radical bums who get welfare, or live off of other people. I wonder who started that kind of bullshit thinking. Just remember it's the working class who keep this country going.

wolfe

Facetious Muse said...

ROFLMAO

Anonymous said...

Wolfdancer you don't have to give any of these bastards your history. They like to put labels on people that are the backbone of this country. If it wasn't for the liberals and those that are compassionate, this country would be much more filled with suffering. They would like to see history turned back in time, when the poor were made to labor in work houses. Just for the very fact they were poor. They want to see children made to work at the earliest age possible so they can make a profit or get a product cheaper. Those are the people that threaten mankinds very existence. They are a threat not only to our country, but to humankind. People laugh at those that work in places like Kmart or McDonalds, but fail to realise those people are many,they do have rights and they do have opinions, and voices.
Those that claim to be christian laugh and make fun of those that have service jobs. I have heard and seen these christians. Who are they to judge, I thought that was the job of God?

Anonymous said...

I can't BELIEVE I just read this ... "If it wasn't for the liberals and those that are compassionate, this country would be much more filled with suffering." .... followed by ....."Those are the people that threaten mankinds very existence. They are a threat not only to our country, but to humankind."

Aren't YOU the ones killing the unborn with abortion?

Anonymous said...

After reading the MAJORITY of comments on all of the "rattler", it sure shows a good reason for "PRO-CHOICE"!

Anonymous said...

heheehehehehehe

Anonymous said...

Conservatives don't have abortions? News to me! Women who have abortions are those that have the choice to have abortions. The anonymous that made that comment, do you approve of the Iraq war? If you do, you are a hypocrit. Murder is murder. Do you eat meat? Those animals had to be killed too!

Anonymous said...

OMG another animal rights activist. Do you realize everytime you use soap, you are slaughtering innocent bacteria? Bacteria are people too!!!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Bacteria are people too!!!

FFS, if your going to try to be funny, at least TRY. Bacteria are "living things", however NOT PEOPLE?

Anonymous said...

Could you explain to us just how animals get put above bacteria? YOU'RE the one saying animals are on the same level as humans and shouldn't be killed. BUT you slaughter innocent bacteria without any remorse. Who are YOU to pick and choose what life form has the right to survival and what is moral? Your animal argument is moot without recognising that you totally ignore the lower level life forms such as bacteria, and you kill them off at your will. If you feel no remorse for killing those life forms, then don't judge anyone else for OUR choice to kill other animals.

Anonymous said...

To: Previous anonymous

What a fucktard, lol.

Anonymous said...

The guys better stop masturbating! They are killing future babies! They should be in prison for all of the millions of sperms they kill daily! This includes liberal and conservative spermy! This does not include Jay...he has no balls.

Satarel said...

I have often wondered about those laws that do not allow me to practice my religion. I cannot say so be it to my religion of the perpetually perverted hard-ons'.

My bone speaks for itself, as Jehovah Witnesses knock on my door to find Willy Winker the preaching pecker spewing the gospel.

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