HISTORIC ANNOUNCEMENT

The International Olympic Committee today released a midseason record-shattering announcement. During trial competition in Men's Track and Field, a darkhorse competitor in the 100 Meter Dash named Brutelogic blasted through Justin Gatlin's record set in 2004 of 9.85 seconds. Witnesses say that this reedy, pasty white runner in tiny gymshorts was literally a blur, as he rocketed over the finish line in an unprecedented 2.03 seconds.

Officials were still discussing tests for performance-enhancing drugs, as well as puzzling over Brutelogic's odd prerace rituals. Apparently, as Brute is setting up at the starting line, an aide will whisper in his ear, "Get up on the mic and explain why Bush is a great leader." In the blink of an eye, Brute vanishes without a trace.

Sources close to the runner, also known by the nickname "White Flight", believe that once Patrick Fitzgerald brings down indictments on Karl Rove, Scooter Libby and Dick Cheney (among others), Brute may actually be able to top himself by finishing his dash before it even begins.

JC