VIC THE CABLE GUY

Let’s face it folks – listening to Vic Ferrari’s retro-drivel is a gut-wrenching experience. Watching his raised hand float like a turd in a swimming pool to the top of the pecking order on the mic brings on a sense of impending doom, and I find myself subconsciously reaching for the attenuation knob on my keyboard. But Vic is also a funny man every so often, much like Larry the Cable Guy – hick humor is OK in small doses. So I listened, half hoping for something different, half expecting to be amused. Alas, it was not to be. It was the same old Alabama neocon repertoire of Nazi nostalgia he’s been pimping for years. Even a minute deepening of his effeminate voice would be a welcomed change, but that would require the definitive chicken hawk to grow a pair. That didn’t happen either.

Instead we were privy to a sneak-peek of the best of neocon politi-porn - a manage-á-trois flick starring Vic Ferrari Forever, Karma_NY, and Vigilant Reason. Our one-act opens stage right – far right – where the blushing bride, played by actor (or is it actress?) Vic Ferrari sensually oils his way to center stage to sodomize the mic with a script of thinly veiled lies about how liberals hate America and how Cindy Sheehan really hates her murdered son. Our bridegroom, portrayed by the cowardly and apparently mute Vigilant Reason, pleasured himself with a handjob - he and Vic made passionate love - Hot Lips Vic at the mic and Vigilant at his keyboard hanging on Vic's every syllable - both were purring like kittens! Vicky is hoping Vigilant’s tongue is as talented as his key stroking! Anyway, realizing the audience was repulsed by his veritable raping of the mic and numbed by his propensity to perjure himself; Vic ad libs and calls for reinforcements; enter Karma_NY, ersatz patriot, full time lying liar, and overtime neocon toady. Karma unsuccessfully tried to lend credibility to Vic’s trashcapade with a barrage of self-aggrandizing asides and a couple of soulless arias – an overall uninspiring and rather disappointing performance. The rest of the story is the same old libretto; the same old bag of lies; the same stale arpeggiated nattering we've come to expect from this treacherous trio. This play had all the trappings of a 3-ring circus - the only thing missing was the laugh track! If only PT had canned laughter as a chat feature – the laugh meter would be pegged every time Vic deploys his triad of neocon nitwits.

If you want to know how bad things are going for Bush and his retinue of merry dark-siders, just count the number of times Vic, Vigilant, and Karma laugh at their own lies – watch for the LOLs – there is direct proportionality! As more and more of the neocon aficionados are frog-marched to a prison near you, Vic and his cheery band of right-wingnuts get increasingly vicious in their attacks on those “evil pinko-commie liberals.” It just proves what we already know – the neocons are absolutely beside themselves with anxiety. Vic's increasingly vitriolic liberal-bashing is demonstrative of that desperation as he surely senses the bad karma engulfing the Repukes. Vic and his supporting cast of ignominious partisans don’t like what they’re seeing, so they mouth a daily rewrite of the facts á la the Spin Firm of Limbaugh, Hannity, O'Reilly and Rove - all in a poor attempt to make their man in Washington look good. We aren’t fooled Vic. And as for last night's production; well, I'll give it a resounding two-thumbs down - the acting was atrocious and the plot was pure fantasy!