Pages

Search Ratttler

Monday, June 23, 2008

HOW TO BE A GOOD REPUBLICAN



To Be a Good Republican


1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is really only spread by a bunch of gay assholes intent on taking over the world.

2. You have to believe Barack Obama is somehow both a devout radical Muslim and a devout left-wing Christian- simultaneously, no less.

3. You have to be pro-death (penalty) and pro-life at the same time.

4. You have to believe that abortion is wrong no matter what, but then decide to stop giving a damn about the babies once they’re actually born.

5. You have to believe the Holocaust was God’s will, and that Hitler was just a hunter, chosen by the Lord to get the Jews out of Europe and into Israel.

6. You have to believe Rachael Ray is a Palestinian Jihad sympathizer with plans to take over the world via Dunkin Donuts.

7. You have to believe that Saddam Hussein did have weapons of mass destruction and that he was the cause of 9/11… and that oil doesn’t have a damn thing to do with this so-called War on Terror.

8. You have to believe that $5.00 for a gallon of gas is downright affordable, causing you to scratch your head and wonder what all these darn liberals are in such an uproar about.

9. You have to believe that homosexuality is not only completely unnatural, but is a choice made by lunatics that are clearly nothing but gluttons for punishment… despite scientific evidence that says otherwise.

10. You have to fight against affirmative action and then think it’s ok that minorities make less than whites because they have yet to earn their place in this society.

11. You have to believe that all that druggin’ and boozin’ actually left at least one decent brain cell in President Bush’s body.

12. You have to believe a president who lied about getting off using a cigar on one of his interns belongs in jail, but a president whose lies caused the very war we find ourselves in today deserves a medal of honor.

13. You have to believe that all things non-Christian should be outlawed.

14. You have to believe that the only people worthy of constitutional protection are white business men that are wealthy and belong to the NRA.

15. You have to believe a photo ID is necessary to vote, but not to purchase a gun.

16. You have to believe immigration needs to be stopped, and that the only people who deserve to be in this country are “Americans” though you yourself aren’t a true native- and never would have been here either, had someone in your family not been an immigrant once too.

17. You have to believe that scientifically, humans never evolved, and that people were just… BAM!!… placed here arbitrarily one beautiful afternoon by God.

18. You have to be of the opinion that the term “foreign policy” is really just code for barrell-assin’ into a country and killing a whole bunch of people… and then (maybe) asking questions later.

19. You have to believe in abstinence, and that sex is just wrong- and then justify it when yet another married Republican politician finds himself caught in the act with his pants around his ankles… with yet another prostitute.

20. You have to think the Rev. Wright is psycho, but worship all things Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and John Hagee.



I posted this is reply to a silly comment made 'To be a good democrat' Of course I'm being facetious, but do you see why intelligent human-beings don't agree to lumping everyone together? That it is downright ridiculous?

But I do hope you enjoyed this little post & a shout-out to C-Haze-77 for the list

They don't called me Facetious Muse for nothing

3 comments:

geezus claws said...

How to be a good Democrat:

1: You have to believe that Al Gore invented the internet

2: You have to believe that global warming is caused by the burning of fossil fuels and changing your light bulbs will stop it.

3: You have to scream and cry about gas being $4 a gallon, even though you know high gas prices will cause less fossil fuel being burned and could do much more to stop global warming than changing your light bulbs. But you refuse to drive less, then bitch about the price, and say fuck the planet it's big oil's fault.

4: You have to forget about free speech and let Tipper Gore and the PMRC tell you what you can and cannot sing about.

5: You have to believe that every disease known to mankind can be cured with weed.

6: You have to believe that people who vote for a candidate based solely on his race are racist, unless of course the candidate and the voter are both black.

7: You can only use the letters NAACP when referring to the National Assoc for the Advancement of Colored People, because the term "Colored People" is racist, so just using the letters means you never really said it and the term is swept under the rug.

8: You have to believe that trees have feelings too.

9: You have to believe that all big corporations are evil, except of course when your IRA, 401k, or mutual funds are doing well and you're making money.

10: You have to believe that Iran and North Korea just need a hug and everything will be alright.

Wax on-Wax off said...

Thumbs up, good post.

tommyjohnson44 said...

HA HA great post Claws. Im gonna take them in the order Facetissuemouse put them in and turn them around on them

To be a good liberal you have to believe

1) The US Govt invented the AIDs virus to kill blacks
2) You have to believe Barack Obama is a real Christian and doesn't support banning abortion or even partial birth abortion.
3) You have to believe troops dying in battle is immoral but babies dying because their mothers don't want to gain weight is moral.
4)You have to be foolish enough to think liberals actually believe that nonsense about not caring for them after they are born and that they don't just say it to make themselves feel better about murdering the unborn.
5)You have to believe Hitler could have been stopped if you could have only sat down and talked to him.
6)Not worthy of comment on
7)You have to be foolish enough to believe Bush and not the Democrats back in the 1990's started the lie about Iraq having WMD and you have to be foolish enough to think without oil from other parts of the world you could continue your simple existence as a liberal without any change in your lifestyle and we could continue to feed 300 million people using cow shit to power the tractors used to raise that food.
8)You have to believe $1.25 is a fair price to pay for tap water thats been filtered and put into a 20 oz bottle but 4 bucks is to much to pay for gallon of product that millions was spent to acquire, process and ship thousands of miles to a gas station near you.
9)You have to believe gay and lesbian marriages have no effect on society despite evidence from other countries where it is allowed showing things like 80% out of wedlock births in some places that do allow it.
10)You have to believe Barack Obama might be president in a few months but reverse discrimination should still be legal because of something that happened 142 years ago get a grip!!!!!!!!!!!
11)You have to believe Obamas use of drugs in college is not an issue but Bushs drug use is.
12)You have to believe being a sexual predator who uses cigars on young girls inside the oval office and then lies under oath about it is not a crime.
13)You have to believe the pilgrims who came here for religious freedom would think its okay that a small group of secular liberals want to change the way things have been done here for 230 plus years.
14)You have to believe upholding the second amendment rights of Americans to own guns is a bad thing and giving terrorists the right to sue in US courts is a good thing.
15)You have to believe its wrong to actually prove you are a legal voter using a picture ID because it helps the Republicans by preventing dead people from voting for Democrats.
16)You have to believe its okay to give illegals a drivers license as long as they use it to vote Democrat.
17)You are intelligent to realize a building like the Sears Tower could not have possibly just appeared in its current location without someone being responsible for building it but something as complicated as the universe just appeared because of a series of random events.
18) You have to believe all international events can be dealt with by simply sitting down and talking with someone.
19)You have to believe it was wrong to impeach Clinton for lying under oath about a BJ but okay to arrest Larry Craig because his feet were spread to far apart in a bathroom stall.
20) You have to believe Obama could have gone to a church for 20 years and not realized all the things his racist pastor had been saying. If you believe that I have some land along the coast I will sell you real cheap.
21) You have to believe you could post something like this and not have it all turned right back around at you in 5 minutes by a semi-intelligent conservative.

Pageviews